Daily Ponderings

Wasn't it just September 1st?? The month that brings the last few weeks of the dog days of Summer, and then ushers us into the crispness of Fall?? I swear, this year September just flew by with a blink of an eye, and today it's October!! I'm always sad when Fall starts, even though it seems everyone around me is giddy with excitement. Fall means colder days are ahead, and I'll be pretty much spending my days from now until late spring in long underwear since my circulation is not that great!! lol I'm trying to have a better attitude about the long Winter days coming ahead, especially since I don't think we'll be as lucky as the past couple years with "warmer" days that allowed me to get out a lot more than usual during the cold season. I keep hearing and reading rumors that we'll get a bitter winter with more snow, but of course, that remains to be seen. Getting out a lot the last couple winters helped me some with anxiety that didn...

I am constantly struggling every day with what I'm DOING every day. And if what I'm doing is worthwhile. I think because I don't have a job, I feel like I'm wasting my time. And yet, my heart knows this isn't true. But my mind is having huge conflicts with this, and I just don't know how to get over it. It's the biggest cause of my anxiety, and some days it's just terrible. I keep telling myself the only person judging me on how I live my life is ME. ME alone!! And there is no reason for that! I am proud of myself for the things that I have found to do to fill many of my days....like exercising, yoga, meditation, volunteering, painting, etc....and yet, I feel like they mean nothing. I tell myself over and over again that my life isn't like anyone else's, and my life is the way it is for a reason. I just wish I could learn not to be so hard on myself. This issue would bother me once in awhile, but it's been awful since breaking up with the ex....

Tonight during meditation class, we had to focus on certain things, and I kind of wandered off topic in my head to make myself make sense of my current life. Although I am busy, going out almost every day, I still think I am not doing anything with my life. And yet, it's so untrue. So I looked back at what my life was like before K, and even while going out with him. I exercised, sometimes worked on jewelry, did housework when needed, and spent a huge amount of often wasted time on the internet. While dating K, I did much of the same, except I often waited to see what/when/where I could spend time with him.  I often found myself getting to the weekend and leaving it wide open to see what we'd do, instead of making plans with other people, or actually just spending time doing something on my own. Tonight I realized that during the time I went out with K, I spent so much of my time doing minute things, and the rest of the time was spent waiting to see what I'd do with a man w...

Today was a decent day. Today I did my best, and I am proud of myself. I made a necklace set for a phriend who asked for a certain color before I went to volunteer at the nursing home. I took a couple pictures of it so I could send it to her through Facebook, and later on, she told me she loved it. Yay! Whenever I get her check, I will send it out to her! I'm glad she asked me to make it. I love it when people have requests. I got another request this morning from another phriend, for a shot glass. I will have to work on that this weekend! Volunteering was good today. I did a room visit with one of the ladies that works in the Activities Room, and then went back to Activities. A resident, Jimmy, was there. Usually he is waiting for me to play a game with him. So I asked about Blackjack. We played that for about an hour before he went back to his room. There were a bunch of other residents in the room after awhile, and I helped some of them do puzzles and play a game. Just chattin...

Have you ever flown in an airplane? Have you ever gone to Florida? Have you ever been to a huge conference filled with people who were dealing with an illness just like you? Have you ever been to Disney World? Have you ever been on a jet ski? Have you ever been to Ellicottville , NY? Or been to Chestnut Ridge Park ? Or Letchworth Park ?? Or even Griffis Park ?? Have you ever seen a buck? Have you ever seen 3 buck in one day?? Have you ever been in a hot tub where the sign says bathing suits optional??   Have you ever started challenging yourself because someone else was getting you to realize you COULD try to do things you've never done before?? Well.....I HAVE!!  This is pretty much the short version of my year in review of 2012. It's been an amazing year for me. Not only has my health continued to be pretty much in control for at least the 4th year in a...