Daily Ponderings

I am pretty happy today! It's been the first time in a long time that I've been able to workout without feeling sick or anything. I think the medicine I've been taking is starting to help me out! It's so nice to not be tired after walking. I can only hope that it will get better! Of course, that means I keep having to yell at myself to go down and walk!! lol But if I felt this good today, than maybe that will keep me motivated to keep up with my exercising!

Lately I have just been feeling....well, not myself, I guess. I feel stuck in a place I don't want to be in. I'm not sure how I've physically been feeling lately. Some days are worse than others, it seems. And I'm not sure if it's b/c I felt like I was coming down with something, or if it's b/c mentally, I'm not all that happy. Could be a combination of both. I wonder sometimes if I'll ever be ok, if I'll find something that makes me happy, if I'll find someone who'll make me happy too. Right now, I don't feel as if either of those things will happen.

I am not a fall person. Nor am I a winter person. And that seems quite silly considering I've lived in WNY all my life, and the fall and winters here are pretty darn cold! I am just complaining about the cold today, mainly b/c I am cold right now! lol I wish it was summer, although this past summer wasn't always that warm either. I can't win, I need a placel like Hawaii. That would be lovely!! :D

Today we tried on dresses for Mandy's wedding. It was nice to try on dresses that actually came darn close to fitting me! My favorite was a 2-piece looking dress, and it was in Victorian lilac. I am not thrilled about having purple for another wedding again, but this dress looked very nice! I definitely like it, and in talking with Lisa tonight, she said she didn't really care what we got. But I think she's going to her David's Bridal to try the ones Mandy liked. I just hope it's something Leah likes, too. I'll be frustrated if she doesn't! lol I think the fact that I'll be in 2 weddings this coming year is making me a little sad. Since I'm not even close to doing anything like that. I know I keep getting told I'll find someone, but it just never seems like it'll happen. And stupid me keeps missing Dave every once in a while, and it's been sooooooo long since we broke up. And it was a good thing we did! I also keep thinking ma...

I started the new medicine on Thursday. It's way too early to tell if it's working, but I hope I will be able to soon. I exercised today for the first time in a while. I thought, how am I going to be able to tell if the medicine is working if I'm not exercising? I really do hope and pray that it helps me with shortness of breath, and things like exercising. I find it discouraging when I try talking on the phone, and doing something, and I feel like I need to slow down b/c I'm losing my breath. :( That's a crappy feeling. Not much else has been going on since I last wrote. I'm just trying to keep myself busy. I went to see my second mom on Wednesday, and was happy to know she is doing student teaching this semester. I'm so happy for her! Only her portfolio is left, and then she finally has her degree. I'm proud of her for sticking with this for so long, I really hope that in the end it will be worth it. :) Well, that's enough for the mome...

It's been a while since I've exercised, which I'm not happy about. It's my fault though, it's getting to that time of year when the basement feels cold. That's no excuse, though! But I was a little worried today when I had to stop twice because I felt like I was going to throw up. I had that feeling at Cleveland, right at the end of my walk. I've never had that feeling happen before, and I'm scared that I might be getting worse. I'm hoping that, when I get the Tracleer medicine, it will help allow me to exercise better. If not, I have a real problem. However, I do realize that no matter how I feel, I have to keep up with the exercising. It's important, no matter how much I do.

I very rarely get angry at someone, it takes an awful lot for me to get mad. Even when I do get mad, I sometimes don't say it, I just keep it inside. However, this morning, I was extremely livid. And at a child, who knows better than to act the way he was this morning. It reminded me of the occasional days at the preschool when I would get mad b/c one of the kids was just not having a good day, and knew it! I made sure, when I got home, that I called his Mom, even though he begged me over and over not to. So I think someone is getting grounded tonight! I just hope he learns...in his Mom's words, "to make better choices." I like her phrase, and I hope when I'm over there again next week, that he is much better!

Ok, it's no secret from my friends who the person is that I just can't get out of my head. Unfortunately, he doesn't know, and I don't think he will. He's one of my very good friends, and has been for a long time. He is so funny, very goal-oriented, a good listener, and ok, very good-looking! We just get along so well, I wish there was more than just a friendship there. I just don't think I can say anything about how I feel, either. I have in the past, but since then, he's had girlfriends, I've seen people. It's just one of those loves that I guess I'll take to the grave...unless one of these days I get enough courage to just spill the beans and see what happens. But I'm not sure I can do that again. Ugggghhh!! The frustration....*sigh* Written by melonlady1724 . Link to this entry This entry has 1 comments: ( Add your own ) Be brave colleenie!!! i know u can do it. even though i don't know him all that well like u do i think u...

I had a great night tonight going out with my friends for my birthday. I just love them all so much, everyone means a great deal to me. It was fun being out with them! I'm glad Tom came out, and he gave me some nice gifts, which were not expected! Mo and Dee can tell how I feel about him, I just wish something would happen, but I have no hopes for that. I'll take friendship, that's about all I'll get, I guess! Anyway, now I must be getting some much needed sleep! :) Written by melonlady1724 . Link to this entry This entry has 1 comments: ( Add your own ) I don't know what happened to this entry. Sorry if it shows up with a blank blue space, there are words! Or maybe it's just my computer.....hmmmm.....Comment from melonlady1724 - 9/22/03 1:20 PM

Well, I'm 28 today. I'm not exactly sure how I'm feeling about it! All I know is that when I woke up this morning, I thanked God for letting me have another year of life. So much has happened in the past year, and it's mainly been regarding my health. Who knows what the next year will bring, but I'm only taking one day at a time. That's about all I can do!

I am so happy!!! My ocean room is finally complete. All the puzzles are hung up, and look awesome. And, my father helped put up the sconces, and I put the fish in them that I bought today. They look so cool!! I feel so happy about doing a room that I love. Now, it gives me time to write again. Well, not that I really didn't have time. lol I was just occupied with wanting this room done. And now it is! :D

I had a good weekend, nothing too exciting. Except Friday, that was fun. :D I spent Saturday sleeping, then went to a movie with my Mom. We saw Whale Rider, it was really good. One of those summer sleeper hits. Not like your normal movie! Today I hung up 3 puzzles on the one wall in my ocean room. I can't wait to hang up the rest! It looks so cool and relaxing in here, I just love it. :D I guess that's all I have to say for now. I'm tired, think I'll go to bed early tonight! What a concept. lol

Last night, I had a great time! I went with my sister, her boyfriend, and his friends to see a band called Strictly Hip. They played Tragically Hip songs, and then a variety of songs during their last set. They were really good! It's the first time I've been out to Bragg's in a while. I saw some people I knew, and missed seeing. And a few who I didn't miss! lol I also drank a lot more than I should have, but I had a good time with my Joanie! :D We saw Tanya out last night, and I wanted to say hi to her, but I didn't. She had to of known I was there, I was standing right in front of her. Whatever, I certainly don't miss the way she acts. I was watching her, and she just seems so...I don't know, fake, maybe. I'm not sure if that's exactly the words I'm looking for, but it's a start. I hate the fact that I miss her, yet can't stand to see her the way she is. It's an odd feeling. Well, I think next Saturday, when we go out ...

It's the anniversary of 9/11, and like most people, I remember that day like it was yesterday. It was such a shock that someone....some group...of people could hate us so much as to destroy innocent lives just to prove a point. Well, they proved a point all right....they proved that the American people do not hide in fear after being attacked. They proved that we are a much stronger country than they thought we were. No matter how we are attacked, we come back to defend ourselves. And we stand by each other through the hard times. I am proud to call myself American, and I know so many others feel the same way.

I was so shocked to find out John Ritter died yesterday. I still am shocked. It's so sad, to lose someone so talented and so young. And all b/c of a heart problem no one knew about. It will be interesting to see if ABC continues the tv show he was currently on. I know everyone on it is sad and surprised as well. I pray for his family and the people who knew him well.

I'm listening to an artist I heard on the tv this morning. He's pretty mellow. So now I'm mellow. It's very tiring! lol It gets ya thinking, too. The thought that has crossed my mind lately is that next week I will be 28. And I've never known what it's like to be in love. :( Sometimes I just feel like I never will. It's really rather depressing. Why is it that I can't find someone? It always seems like the health thing gets in the way, at least, that's what it seems like to me. I'm always told I'm wrong, but I can't help wondering. So anyway, that is just one of many thoughts I've had in the past couple days that has bothered me. Other than the constant wondering of the ramifications of a lung transplant. That thought doesn't seem to ever go away. Well, time to go to bed. I'm getting way too sad to be writing much more. :( Hopefully tomorrow will be better. Written by melonlady1724 . Link to this entry This...

Yea, I got another puzzle done! It looks awesome, too. :) Now I just have one more to do, and I can figure out how to hang everything up! lol I'm listening to new John Mayer, courtesty of Mr. Proctor. So nice of him to stop by and let me borrow it! And he just bought it, too! And I didn't even ask! LOL :D Ok, off to bed. I must get up early to babysit the kids! I hope the morning doesn't come too soon...I hate when that happens. :-/ Written by melonlady1724 . Link to this entry This entry has 1 comments: ( Add your own ) Another puzzle woman???? u waste no time, do ya?? lol And i saw the car of young Mr. Proctor. how nice of him to stop by with new John Mayer. and just wait until Barenaked Ladies comes out!!! I can't wait. have fun with the kiddies tomorrow!! Nite nite! love u!!! :D:*Comment from balonie24 - 9/10/03 12:46 AM

I had a productive day of shopping today, both at the "W" stores: Walmart and Wegmans! Sadly, I had to spend money...although I spent the govt's money at the grocery store. LOL So I guess that's a plus! I had a yummy dinner, then decided to start another puzzle. This time it's more fun! Lots more colors, and sea life. Very cool! I could stay up all night trying to finish....I just might! :D Written by melonlady1724 . Link to this entry This entry has 1 comments: ( Add your own ) Two words foe u woman!!! CRAZI-NESS!!!!! :DComment from balonie24 - 9/9/03 12:43 AM

Ok, this is one of many wonderments I hope to pop occasionally. Why is it that guys never wash their hands after using the bathroom?? It's like they don't care! And it's gross, too. Well, not that all women wash their hands either. I just don't understand why parents wouldn't start their children washing their hands when they are little. Anyone else bothered by this? Not that's it's something I think of constantly, just one of things I wonder about from time to time!

I finished the puzzle!!! Now I have 2 more to work on. I need a break first!! :) :) :) Written by melonlady1724 . Link to this entry This entry has 1 comments: ( Add your own ) ITS ABOUT TIME WOMAN!!!! there was just too many boats and different shades of blue for me to even think about putting that puzzle together. ur a patient woman!!! :D Comment from balonie24 - 9/8/03 12:17 AM