Friday, September 29, 2006

Guilty Feelings

Ever since I had to quit my job over 6 years ago, I have gone through many periods of time when I feel so guilty about the fact that I don't work. So many have told me that's a crazy notion, but I can't help feel sometimes that I should be doing more during my days at home. I know I'm home because of my health, having PH hasn't always been very easy. And there are the days when I'm so thankful that I don't work, because I don't feel well, and I don't know how I could get through a workday. I go back and forth with these feelings, and sometimes it just gets me down.

And then there are days like today. I got a call from a man named Mike, who told me that his mother may possibly have PH, and he wanted to know more about my support group. He found my number on the PH website, and decided to give me a call. I spent about half an hour talking with him about PH, what it is, how I was diagnosed, my support group, and so on. I gave him the number of the PH specialist in Buffalo, and he was very grateful. When he had to go, he thanked me once again, and told me we'd keep in touch. I got off the phone with a feeling of happiness. Even if his mother isn't diagnosed with PH, I at least spoke with someone who now knows more about it. And it made me happy that I was home, not working, so that I could answer his call and his questions. The guilty feelings have disappeared, at least for today.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006


I just lost an entire post that I did a few minutes ago. I'm not in the mood to write it again, darn it all!!

Monday, September 25, 2006


I have mixed feelings about the fall season. I half like it, I half hate it. The only reason I hate it is because the temperatures start to drop more and more. While almost everyone around me loves this feeling, I have a hard time with it because of my lungs. I get really short of breath while trying to do anything, and I almost feel like I've never been on medicine or oxygen. It actually gets me down, but I try to just deal with my days. Once it starts staying cold for awhile--right now it's in that back and forth, nice day, cool day phase--my lungs can deal with it better, and I'm not so bad. Still, it just drives me nuts!

What I do love about fall are the colors. The leaves changing to reds, oranges and yellows are so beautiful. Especially the red leaves. I'm a red person, can't help it! I also love seeing the squirrels running around the yards with huge things in their mouths, scurrying away to bury their treasure for the winter. I laugh at some of the items the squirrels have, they are sometimes bigger than their faces! Another thing I love is getting apple cider, fresh from a farm. Hot apple cider with cinnamon and sometimes nutmeg. Mmmmm, soooo yummy!

I'm hoping that this fall I'll start making more jewelry so that I can have a jewelry party or two before the holidays. I'm also making tealight lamps. As soon as I figure out how to mail them out, I'll be posting them on my website for purchase. I never knew how expensive shipping supplies are though! That's the biggest problem I'm having, trying to find something cheap enough that I can buy without having to charge my customers and arm and a leg for shipping the lamps. Maybe I can get away with just charging them an arm.

Well speaking of jewelry, I must finish a bracelet order for someone. And then after I mail them out, I am on a mission to get cider at the market. YUM.