Sunday, December 24, 2006

Holiday Time

The holiday is right around the corner now, and I'm all set for it! I've been set for a few weeks, actually. It's been a nice feeling, too. I haven't been stressed out this year! I'm glad, because usually when I am stressed, I tend to get sick. And then I'd be really miserable for the holidays, and I wouldn't want to do anything but lay in bed and sleep all day. So I'm sooooo happy I'm not stressed, and I'm not sick!

I am making a couple pies today, and a banana bread. Let's not get too excited here...the pies are in boxes in the freezer, purchased by my mom. I am making them today so that all we have to do is reheat them for dessert tomorrow night. The banana bread will be from scratch though! My apartment will smell yummy again. I made 6 dozen cookies on Friday afternoon, and it smelled like a bakery in here. I will do it again today!

We are having Christmas dinner at Mandy's house this year. I'm quite excited about it, since it'll be a different location than my parents' house, and we are having a fish-themed dinner. It should be a nice afternoon tomorrow, and I look forward to it!

The only thing that is not getting me totally in the Christmas mood is the lack of snow. And cold weather, for that matter. We are getting snow, though......the day after Christmas. Grrrrr!!

Well I guess I'm off to get dressed and bake! Have a Happy Holiday!!

Monday, December 11, 2006

Stuff

The holidays are fast approaching, and I feel so prepared this year. It's nice to be basically done shopping, and halfway done wrapping gifts. I don't feel stressed out this year. Well ok, I'm a little stressed out, but it's not over holiday stuff! I wish I could be so ready for Christmas like this every year, but somehow I don't think it'll happen.

The heat issue with my house has been resolved, I guess. The new tenant hasn't said anything about freezing since last Wednesday, when my dad came over and played around with all the tubes and vents dealing with the heating system. We shut off a few vents in my apartment so more heat would push up the tubes into the apartment upstairs. I've also been keeping the heat high, around 69, so it'll be warmer. I also had to "let go" and not worry about the heating bill. There is nothing I can do about it, so I can't let it stress me out!

One of my best friends is coming home this week from Thursday until Sunday. She is bringing her son, my godson. She's also bringing the new boyfriend. I was really furious when I found out he was coming, too. But vented to several people, and now I also must "let go" of my anger. There is nothing I can do about it. There is nothing I can say to her to make her realize she shouldn't be with another person right now. She won't listen, so I won't bother. I will just enjoy seeing her, and her son, since it's been quite awhile since the last time I saw her. I can't be stressed about this either.

I do have a great de-stresser, and her name is Hailey. She brings me joy every time I see her, or even if I just hear her on the phone while talking to Mandy. I have felt love for children before, but not like this. I am just so crazy about her! I hope I still feel the same way when she is a teenager. Hopefully she won't be wild and crazy, or defiant. But we have a looooong way to go until then. lol

I will end this by asking for a prayer for my father. He is going through so many health issues right now, and I wish I could just take it all away for him. I just pray for strength and healing, that whatever he may face, he will not give up and not back down. I love him so very much.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Battle of the Heat

I am happy that my mom has found someone to move in upstairs. For the most part, he has been a good housemate so far, in the almost week he's been here. He's hardly here, first of all. And when he is here, he's pretty darn quiet.

The past few days, he's been telling me he's freezing. So I turn the heat up a couple numbers. But he's still freezing. Another notch or two, and then he tells me it's much better. This morning, he knocks on my door, and tells me he's still freezing. And the heat has been on the same 67 degrees that I had the day before, when he wasn't freezing. I am frustrated, because I'm HOT. I never thought I'd say that in the winter, but it's true. I'm not sure if it's really something wrong with the heating system, or if he just wants it to feel like it does back home in Virginia. I did get a little miffed when he came down in a tshirt saying he was cold. I mean come on! Hopefully the heating issue will be fixed soon. I've already told my mom that the heating bill here is going to be atrocious. UGH!

Monday, December 04, 2006

Sadness

Tonight I found out that a girl I used to talk to over the summer has passed away. I "met" her through the PHA's message boards, and chat rooms, in the middle of the summer. She was a sweet and happy person despite not feeling well all the time. She was going to be married about a month and a half after I started talking to her, and she was so excited! She was also going to be put on a new medicine to help her PH symptoms, that happened about a week before she walked down the aisle. I only knew her for a handful of months, but I truly considered her a friend, or PHriends as we PHers like to call each other. She died peacefully in her sleep last night, and as much as I am saddened by this news, to have lost another PHriend to this awful disease, I know she is now breathing peacefully forever. Rest in peace, my dear Phriend. Your strength and determination to fight this disease will never be forgotten.

Busyness

Quite a bit has been going on in the past week. I'll break it down, not necessarily all in order:

I have a housemate, finally. He came to see the apartment the day before Thanksgiving, and he moved in this past Thursday. He's a nice man, and is pretty much gone most of the day. My biggest discovery tonight is that I'm gonna have to start turning up the heat more. While I'm fine with the heat being on 63 for the most part, he told me tonight he was freezing. So I turned it up to 66, and I'm roasting. lol At least I can keep the heat down all day when he's not here. I'll just turn it up when I hear him come home. And hopefully I'll be home to do so. lol

A friend of mine who I tutor with online was here last weekend to visit! She came with her husband, and they stayed at the new hotel casino. I got to hang out with her most of day on Saturday. We went to a quite village, had lunch and walked around to see some of the shops. The weather was insanely gorgeous for this time of year, it was the perfect weekend for them to visit! Later that night, we went out for a few drinks. It was so good to finally meet her after tutoring with her for several years! Hopefully some day I can go visit her in Staten Island. That would be cool!

I found out about a vendor sale going on at one of the schools in my city. It was a school I always knew about, but didn't exactly know where it was. And I think that was the biggest reason for a small turnout today, that not too many people know where the school is located! But at least I tried! I brought all my jewelry and my tealight lamps, set everything out, and hoped for the best for the 4 hours the sale was going on. I sold 2 tealight lamps and an illusion necklace set. Not too bad, but I wish there would have been more people. Oh well, at least I have more money than I started out with.

I ran into the mother of an old grade school friend a couple weeks ago. I hadn't seen her since her daughter died a few years ago. I think of Veronica all the time, and how guilty I still feel for not going to visit her the last couple years of her life. It got too hard to see her, not able to talk, not really able to laugh, or smile. I still don't know exactly what she died of, but it was a mix of like Parkinson's and a couple other crippling diseases. It began in 8th grade. I visited her quite often with several other friends over the years, but the last couple were just so hard. It's no excuse, and I ask her to forgive me all the time. She was a beautiful person, and a wonderful soul. Her mother told me she'd love to see me when I asked if I might be able to come visit her some time. I'd love to do that, I think talking about Veronica would help me and her.

I have one more Christmas gift to buy, and that's for my Dad. I'm just getting him a gift certificate to Sears, since he said he'd like one. Fine by me! lol I got about 90% of my Christmas shopping done before Thanksgiving this year. I don't know why I'm so on the ball. But at least it's done! Now I should be wrapping, hopefully I'll start doing that soon so I can put gifts under my tree, even though they aren't for me. lol

I guess that's it for now. I know other things have been going on, but it's now time for bed. Can't type when you're falling asleep. lol

Friday, November 24, 2006

Black Friday

Today was considered Black Friday, the day after Thanksgiving when people go out in the insane early hours of the morning to get good deals at various stores and malls. I went out last year to find a digital camera on Black Friday, although I didn't go so gosh darn early, and bought a VCR instead. This year, I had absolutely no interest. I have only 2 more gifts to buy for Christmas, and they aren't anything that I would have had to stand in line for hours to purchase. So, I slept in, and had a leisurely morning instead!

What I was able to accomplish, with the help of my mom, was decorating for Christmas!! Yes, my tree is up and all pretty, and so are the Christmas-y things that I put out every year. I don't know why I'm so ready for Christmas this year. I just hope that I won't go insane before it actually arrives. That would suck. lol

A friend of mine who I tutor with is here in town this weekend with her husband. I am so excited that I get to meet her in person, after about 5 years of tutoring with her online. I am taking them to Lewiston, NY tomorrow, to browse in the cute shops down there, and maybe get something yummy to eat. I figured that since it's such a crazy weekend to go shopping, Lewiston would not be as chaotic as going out to the mall area in NF. Not to mention the fact that it's supposed to be close to 60 degrees tomorrow, which is just wonderful for this time of year (at least around here!)! Then perhaps tomorrow night, we will go to Shadow, since Dani wants to see my bar of choice when I go out. Mmmm, more martinis (I was there on Wed night lol), I can't wait!

I'm just hoping and praying that I won't be sick tomorrow. I keep fighting a sore throat and sniffles, taking lots of stuff to ward it off. I will really be unhappy if I feel like crap tomorrow!! We'll see what happens, I feel better right now than I have all day. Keeping my fingers crossed!!

Well, on that note, off to bed I go. I need to make sure I get some rest! :)

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Being Thankful

I am thankful for my family, who I love with every fiber of my being. My parents, who have been there for me alot, especially the last several years, mean so much to me. My sisters are always on my mind and definitely in my hearts, and I love them ever so much.

I am thankful for all of my friends. I can't begin to imagine my life without them. They all bring such a different and unique aspect to my life, with their amazing talents and life experiences. I truly love them all.

I am thankful for my health, no matter how it stands. I've been through so much in my life healthwise, and I am so grateful that I'm still here on this earth. I've been through some pretty rough times, but I always feel that it could be worse. And it could be. Despite all the tests I've been through, despite all the pain I've endured with being so out of breath, despite the illnesses I've somehow managed to get over, I always know that it could be worse.

I am thankful for my home, for the roof over my head. No matter how poor I am, I am thankful that I am not living on the street. I can pay my bills, barely, but I can pay them. I can eat, I can be warm, I can be all those things that a homeless person cannot be. And I am thankful.

I am thankful for God, for if it wasn't for His love and care, I truly don't think I'd be here today. He has shown me that no matter what I go through, He is always there. No matter what I do or say, He is there. I may not understand His plan for me in life sometimes, but I know He has His reasons for things happening the way they do, and I am thankful that at least He has a plan.

Happy Thanksgiving to all, and the only question I leave with you is: What are you thankful for?

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Jewelry!

I've been getting ready for a jewelry party I'm having here on Friday night. I'm excited about it! Everything I'm trying to sell has been made by none other than.....me!! I've been slaving so hard in my kitchen the past several weeks, making necklaces, earrings, bracelets, and tealight lamps. I'm glad that many of my friends are going to be able to see what I've been making!

If you'd like to see, too, you can go to www.fromtheheartjewels.com.

(By the way, I didn't try the new Blogspot format yet. Why do I have to get a Google account just to have it??)

Monday, November 13, 2006

New Blogspot Format

When I just logged in now, I saw a message saying the new format is now ready. I'm afraid to try it!! I don't want anything to get ruined or messed up. lol

Perhaps I'll just go for it.

Wish me luck!

Monday, November 06, 2006

A Wonderful Little Surprise!

Yesterday morning, my family got together for breakfast at a nice local restaurant. We decided to do this the first Sunday of every month. We got there after Mandy and Ron, and we were sitting down after saying hi to each other. I then noticed the shirt my cute little niece was wearing. It said:

"Big sister in training."

I stared at Mandy, and said, "Are you pregnant???" And she said yes! They are having another baby!! We were all so very excited!! I felt like I was on Cloud 9 all day yesterday, too! She is due on June 8th, which is funny because Hailey's original due date was June 11th, but she decided to show up 11 days later. I'm just happy though! I am hoping for a girl, but as long as the baby is healthy, that's all that matters!!

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Trick or Treat!

Today was a much warmer than usual Halloween for us here in the WNY area, and it was nice! Well, mostly nice. The weather started out sunny, then the clouds came rolling in, making it so dark that I thought it was night time at 2pm. It did rain a little bit, but then it stopped, and by the time trick or treating started, it wasn't too bad.

I went down to my parents' for the afternoon, with all the candy. Mandy and Hailey were already there, and I got the best "treat" when my little niece saw me. She caming running into the living room, saying my name the whole time! She was even saying the "L's," something a very little child has a hard time saying for awhile! My heart melted, and I just had the biggest rush of love for her immediately. They stayed for quite awhile, and she enjoyed seeing some of the costumes on the little kids. She was dressed as a witch, but she wouldn't wear the hat for it, since she hates hats. But still, she was very cute!

I can't believe tomorrow is November. Where in the world did the time go?? I feel like the older I get, the faster and faster the years go by. It almost feels frustrating sometimes! It makes me wish I could be a kid again, sometimes. They don't have a concept of time, and that is what's frustrating about adulthood. We have a concept of time, and it flies. lol

Friday, October 27, 2006

Worst Storm Ever

In my last entry, I mentioned the fact that we got snow. It's been 2 weeks since I wrote that, but I have to describe the aftermath of that snow.

Here in lovely Niagara Falls, I woke up to a trace of snow on the ground. It was gone within a couple hours, and life seemed to be normal. Until I started watching the news. In the surrounding towns and villages around NF, there was up to as much as 2 feet of snow. No one had power, in fact, many people were without power for almost an entire week. It was so awful! The reason? It's still fall, and all the trees still had their leaves. With the heavy snow piling on the branches, and not melting, branches started breaking all over the place. I've seen pictures of the trees, and I've seen them personally since the storm, and it's devastating. And very sad. To see all the damage done to the beautiful trees around WNY. It'll take generations, they say, for the trees to look the way they did before the storm.

How NF got spared, I don't know. But in a way, it was a blessing. If we had no power like everyone else, it would have been worse. We had tons of people come and stay in our hotels and motels. Every single one of them was booked for days. Our grocery stores were packed, with people from all over getting food. The gas stations actually had lines, something I've never seen around here! So I guess it was a good thing that we had power, or else I think it could have been an even bigger issue!!

Everyone is still talking about the storm, but most people are trying to get back to normal now. I just hope we don't have a storm like that again! At least not that early in the year!

Friday, October 13, 2006

Merry Christmas!

I was busy working on a necklace today for my friend, when I made a quick glance out the window. I looked back down at my work, and then suddenly jerked my head back up to look out the window again.

There it was, flying around all over the place.

Big,

fluffy

flakes

of

SNOW.

Yes, I said snow. Snow, on October 12. What the heck?????

I know I live in Upstate NY, but come on!! This is quite ridiculous!! Although it did not accumulate in my exact area, there are cities and small towns around me that saw several inches. There are even school closings for tomorrow.

It's crazy, I tell ya!!

Monday, October 09, 2006

Some Random Thoughts

The weather today was so beautiful again. It makes me wish it could stay like this for the winter! But sadly, that won't happen. In a few days, we'll be lucky to see 50 degrees. Bummer.

I swear, if there are any really nice days in November and the ice cream truck comes around, I will just laugh. The guy must be desparate for sales, I saw him driving around today. Geesh!

North Korea scares the shit out of me. I sure hope this is their one and only nuclear test, and they don't use it for attacking purposes. Somehow, I'm very doubtful about this.

My heart melted yesterday when my sweet little niece reached up for my hand as we were walking back to the car, instead of her daddy's hand. heehee

I'm tired of getting messages to my personal ad on Yahoo from men in their mid to late 40s. That's too close to my parents' ages, ewww.

I'm making dinner, and I don't really feel like eating. I feel like going back to sleep again. *sigh*

I have seen several butterflies in the past few weeks, and every time I see one, my heart smiles. :-)

Kites, Kites, Everywhere!

This weekend was a Kite Festival here in the Falls. It actually took place at a park known to residents here as the Reservoir. I went to see the kites today with Mandy, Ron and Hailey. It was just sooooo cool! And it was absolutely the perfect weekend for it, with warm temperatures and a nice breeze. It was alot of fun, and I'm hoping funding troubles won't be a problem for this next year. There were people from all over the world flying kites, including a man from Japan who had a Mega Moon kite. This kite is one of three in the world, the largest kites ever made. We heard a guy telling someone that yesterday, the Mega Moon was tied to a dump truck full of bricks, that the truck still moved a little when the Mega Moon was in the air!! Unbelievable! Anyway, I took pictures. They aren't the best, but the kites are just so neat! Enjoy!















The Mega Moon is the big squarish-looking kite!















The fish one was one of my favorites!















All types of kites!















This one looked like a huge puffer fish. We never saw it go up, but kids were playing around it, and it looked like it would have been cool to see in the air!















Kinda hard to see, but this is part of a line of kites together, which looked like it was 10 feet long!

Friday, October 06, 2006

A Thank You

My mom told me several days ago that the man who realized something wasn't quite right with me when I was a baby had passed away. His name was Dr. Gillick. While I of course don't know him at all, or wouldn't even recognize him, I thank God that our paths crossed those many years ago. If it were not for him, my condition may not have been discovered until quite some time later, and who knows what that would have led to.

I guess when my mom took me to my first set of shots when I was baby, at a free clinic, Dr. Gillick heard something off with my heart. So my mom took me to my regular pediatrician at the time, and he said there was nothing wrong. At my second set of shots, at the same free clinic, Dr. Gillick once again said there is definitely something wrong. So my mom took me to a different pediatrician, who immediately told my parents to take me up to Children's Hospital in Buffalo to see a cardiologist there.

My parents arrived in the busy waiting room full of people for my appointment. It was only moments later after they signed in that a group of doctors all came rushing out to see what was wrong with me, leaving a room full of bewildered parents and patients wondering why I was going before them. They said I was a "blue baby," my lips and fingertips and the tips of my toes were purplish in color, and they knew it had to do with my heart. Several tests later in the next couple months showed that I had atrioventricular canal (AV canal = 2 holes in my heart), and pulmonary hypertension (PH = a rare lung condition). They told my parents there wasn't anything they could do, and they weren't even sure how long I'd live. Maybe a year? Maybe 50? They even told them to consider having another baby soon, that's how unsure they were about my condition.

Thirty-one years later, I am still alive and kicking. Well, mostly kicking. I still have my days when I feel really bad or extremely tired. But for the most part, I've been doing much better since being on treatment. So I thank the Good Lord that Dr. Gillick was in the right place at the right time. May he know how much I truly appreciate him in discovering something wrong with me, and may he rest in peace.

Friday, September 29, 2006

Guilty Feelings

Ever since I had to quit my job over 6 years ago, I have gone through many periods of time when I feel so guilty about the fact that I don't work. So many have told me that's a crazy notion, but I can't help feel sometimes that I should be doing more during my days at home. I know I'm home because of my health, having PH hasn't always been very easy. And there are the days when I'm so thankful that I don't work, because I don't feel well, and I don't know how I could get through a workday. I go back and forth with these feelings, and sometimes it just gets me down.

And then there are days like today. I got a call from a man named Mike, who told me that his mother may possibly have PH, and he wanted to know more about my support group. He found my number on the PH website, and decided to give me a call. I spent about half an hour talking with him about PH, what it is, how I was diagnosed, my support group, and so on. I gave him the number of the PH specialist in Buffalo, and he was very grateful. When he had to go, he thanked me once again, and told me we'd keep in touch. I got off the phone with a feeling of happiness. Even if his mother isn't diagnosed with PH, I at least spoke with someone who now knows more about it. And it made me happy that I was home, not working, so that I could answer his call and his questions. The guilty feelings have disappeared, at least for today.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Aggravated

I just lost an entire post that I did a few minutes ago. I'm not in the mood to write it again, darn it all!!

Monday, September 25, 2006

Fall

I have mixed feelings about the fall season. I half like it, I half hate it. The only reason I hate it is because the temperatures start to drop more and more. While almost everyone around me loves this feeling, I have a hard time with it because of my lungs. I get really short of breath while trying to do anything, and I almost feel like I've never been on medicine or oxygen. It actually gets me down, but I try to just deal with my days. Once it starts staying cold for awhile--right now it's in that back and forth, nice day, cool day phase--my lungs can deal with it better, and I'm not so bad. Still, it just drives me nuts!

What I do love about fall are the colors. The leaves changing to reds, oranges and yellows are so beautiful. Especially the red leaves. I'm a red person, can't help it! I also love seeing the squirrels running around the yards with huge things in their mouths, scurrying away to bury their treasure for the winter. I laugh at some of the items the squirrels have, they are sometimes bigger than their faces! Another thing I love is getting apple cider, fresh from a farm. Hot apple cider with cinnamon and sometimes nutmeg. Mmmmm, soooo yummy!

I'm hoping that this fall I'll start making more jewelry so that I can have a jewelry party or two before the holidays. I'm also making tealight lamps. As soon as I figure out how to mail them out, I'll be posting them on my website for purchase. I never knew how expensive shipping supplies are though! That's the biggest problem I'm having, trying to find something cheap enough that I can buy without having to charge my customers and arm and a leg for shipping the lamps. Maybe I can get away with just charging them an arm.

Well speaking of jewelry, I must finish a bracelet order for someone. And then after I mail them out, I am on a mission to get cider at the market. YUM.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Note To Self.....

Do NOT ever use wallpaper of any sort, whether it be actual wallpaper, or wallpaper border. It is a pain in the ass to get off!!!

I say this because I took 2 days removing the wallpaper border I had in my bedroom. I am planning on painting my room a different color soon, and had to get rid of the border. The whole time I was taking it down, I kept asking myself what on earth possessed me to put it up in the first place??? I will never do it again!! lol

Weird Dream

Ok, this dream made me think, what the hell did I have to eat/drink before going to bed last night??

I had a dream that I got a ticket to see Michael Jackson in concert at HSBC Arena. I was all excited! Yes, I am not afraid to admit that I do love MJ's music, and I always will. (That was not part of the dream, I was just stating a fact) Anywho, I get there, and I had seats that were kinda far from the stage, which was in the center of the arena instead of the one end. By the time the concert started, there were only like 50 people randomly sitting around the arena. I wondered, where the heck was everyone? But there was MJ, on stage playing the piano and singing. Playing the piano? Does he even play? So during the song, ushers are starting to tell us we can all get as close as we want, since no one else was coming. So we ended up having a private jam session with MJ. And it was fun! And somehow Janet was there all of a sudden, and I was talking to her about PH. I also realized I went to the concert without a full tank of oxygen. And then I woke up.

When I got online today, I saw one entertainment posting about the fact that today was Michael Jackson's birthday. How ironic is that???? I had no idea. Hmmmmmmmmm.

Sunday, August 27, 2006

Random Postings

Well geesh, I didn't realize how much time had gone by since I last posted. Here are some random things that have happened in this past month.

I finally finished my jewelry website, and I've spread the word to alot of friends and family! And then the word got spread by them, which is nice. No orders yet, but I have a feeling I'll be bombarded for Christmas! Which can be a good thing! The site is: www.fromtheheartjewels.com. For anyone interested. :)

My Medicare nightmare took almost the entire month to get fixed. After making numerous phone calls, and stressing out completely, I found out a week ago this past Friday that my insurance reflected the fact that I'm poor and shouldn't be paying very high copays for my drugs. While I'm glad they said it's fixed, I really don't believe it's going to stay that way. We'll see what happens in a couple months!

The planet, Pluto, is no longer considered a planet. What the heck?? Poor Pluto. So what if it's called a dwarf planet, it still got demoted. I'm crushed. Pluto will always be a planet in my book.

I went to lunch with an old friend on Friday, and it was a good time! Plus she bought a couple of my necklace sets, she rocks! :) On Friday night, Mandy had a little gathering at her house, and that was a great time, too. We had all these martinis, but the one that won the best martini of the night award was the chocolate one that Joan's bf created. It was FABULOUS, made with chocolate ice cream, chocolate liquer, whipped cream and chocolate shavings. I could go for one right now!!

I felt like crap alot this month. Trying to adjust to being back on my medicine full time, and other womanly crap just made me feel so blah. It really sucked. But I did get back into exercising again, and I'm so glad I did. I started feeling a bit perkier after the first couple days of walking again! I sure hope that I'll continue keeping up with it, it does make a difference in how I feel.

I "met" a kid from the PH message boards from CA, who had a double lung transplant in June. He's doing great so far, and I'm so impressed! I talk to him just about every day. He's 17, and so young, but hopefully with his new lungs, he will be able to have a great life. He says how much better he feels since the operation, because he was so sick beforehand. God does work miracles, I truly believe that!

I guess that's all for now. I'm beyond exhausted, I had a long day. I'll have to post more thoughts tomorrow. Let's just hope I have some. lol







Friday, August 04, 2006

Mittens Can't Take It Anymore!

Oooooooooooooh, the agony!

Back from the South!

I've been back since late Sunday night, but just haven't felt like posting yet. My week in the South was nice, but I have to admit to being glad to be back home. As much as my sister wants us to move down there, it's just not home to me. A nice place to visit, but not home! I much prefer WNY, with the 4 seasons, even though winter isn't one of my favorites. I can't imagine living with no snow!

Anyway, the week was busy, and a little chaotic. I felt like I needed a vacation from my vacation by the time we got back. Lisa's wedding was beautiful, though, and we all had a great time! Despite sweating in our dresses, I think we looked great!












I got to see the ocean while I was down there. Even just being there for an hour made me so happy!






















The Southern food was really good, everything is fried, just about! The variety of foods I ate included chicken & dumplings, fried okra, fried green tomatoes, shrimp and grits (my personal fav), chicken under a brick, an avocado dish, and many more. It was all very delicious!!

I got eaten alive by mosquitos down there, it was pretty bad. There were a few different bugs flying around that aren't up here. The June bugs (cicadas) flew around like flies, and I was a little disturbed but intrigued by them. I really can't stand June bugs, but I'd never seen them fly around as much as they did down there. And boy, and they a really clumsy bug! They fly into anything, and just continue on their way. There were also some sort of beetle looking bugs that liked to stick onto the screens. My favorite, though, were the lightning bugs. I hadn't seen them since I was little, at my Grandma's house. There were hundreds of them, though, and as dusk fell, I would just watch them from the deck. They were neat!

I am hoping that if and when I ever go back to visit my sister, it will be a bit more relaxing than the week we had down there. While it was fun, it was just tiring! There was alot of running around, but that usually happens in the last days before a wedding. It all turned out to be alot of fun, though, and I'm glad I did get to go down to celebrate her special day!

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

I'm A Leavin' On A Jet Plane

Well, not really. lol I'm leaving for NC on Sat. We are driving down there, about a 12 hour trip that will probably take longer since we are stopping for pee breaks and such. It's the longest vacation I've been on in years, we'll be gone for 9 days! Usually my "trips" have consisted of overnight stays in Cleveland when I have to go for check-up appointments. Trust me, those are not good times. lol

I only hope I don't melt in NC. It's been hot down there, my sis said yesterday it was 99. Ewwww. And with a lung problem, just thinking about that heat makes me get out of breath. lol So, I'm hoping that I won't have a major issue down there, but I'll try to make the best out of it! I just want to have a fun time, and I hope everything goes well with the wedding. So, til next time!

Sunday, July 16, 2006

A Sad Loss

Every day, I visit the PHA's website to read the message boards. The people I have gotten to know through the daily posts almost feel like a second family to me. In all likelihood, I will never meet these people, but I feel like I've known some of them forever. We all share an illness, we all share the ups and downs that come with it, and we all pray for each other. It is a wonderful community.

Today when I visited the boards, I was very saddened to read about a woman named Rhonda, who had died suddenly last night. She had been in the hospital with problems with her Flolan, and they had switched her to Remodulin. She was getting stronger the last time her husband posted, so it was a shock to see that he had posted a message last night saying she passed away. My heart is heavy with sadness, since I have chatted with her in chat room sessions, and she seemed like a wonderful person. She had gone through many ups and downs with this disease, but she always came through fighting. I guess this time, her body just had enough.

Rhonda will be missed by her family and her "PH" family, too. Her husband has asked us to pray for a cure for this terrible disease, and I intend to continue my prayers for a cure. My prayers also go out to her family at this time, as well.

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Someone's getting more use out of the treadmill than I am!!!



































Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Monday, July 03, 2006

Happy 4th of July!!

Tomorrow is the 4th of July, but since it fell on a Tuesday this year, many people have had a very long weekend. So it seems like it's been the 4th all weekend! lol

I watched fireworks from the casino tonight from the apartment upstairs. It was nice to see them from up there, and not have to go down to the chaos and face crowds of people. I also got a double feature: the Canadian fireworks began about 15 minutes after ours, and I got to see both! It was nice, I just love the fireworks, I have since I was a little kid!

I don't really have anything planned for tomorrow. Usually, for the past few years, my family has gone to Beaver Island with Mandy's in-laws. But this year, since they are having a big family reunion some time this month, they didn't make plans to go. So I think it's going to be another regular day for me, really. I'll probably just have dinner with my parents, at least I hope that I will. lol

This July 4th, I will think of all the troops fighting the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. My biggest prayer is that they are able to come home very soon to their families. I am thankful that they are fighting for our country, and giving us freedoms that we have had for many years, that I think we often take for granted. May God Bless the troops, and may God also bless our beautiful country!

Monday, June 26, 2006

Duck!
























Hailey's birthday party was yesterday afternoon. Her cake was awesome! I couldn't get over how incredibly cute it was. The little duck is the one she got to play with, and boy did she destroy it! It was all over her hands, her face, and she even got it on her mommy. lol It was fun watching her!

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

A Year Gone By










This time last year, I was in a hospital waiting for the birth of a beautiful little baby girl, my niece. She took her sweet old time to arrive, not showing up until around 6:30pm. I just can't believe that a year has gone by, though. She has grown so much, and she's now showing a little personality. She's even started temper tantrums. lol I never knew I could love someone as much as I love this little girl! So Happy Birthday to my little Hailey! May you continue to grow into a wonderful little person, and continue to bring joy to our hearts!

Monday, June 19, 2006

The Weekend

My weekend was pretty nice, albeit tiring. I went out for drinks with Dee on Friday night, and didn't get home until 2am. And I had to be up to be ready for shopping by 9:30am the next morning with Mandy and my mom. I seriously thought that I would cancel, since I was so tired from the night before, but somehow I managed. It was a long morning and afternoon, but it was fun. I got home in time to rest a bit before going to The Tragically Hip concert. That was an interesting time. The band was good, although they played alot of songs that were new. Some were good, some were not. Besides that, we had our seats on the lawn, and I think I ended up "smoking" 14 packs of cigarettes and doing about 10 joints. It was just disgusting, and I think I will think twice about going to a concert again with seating on the lawn. Not to mention that the smell was about 10x worse since I wore my oxygen the whole time. UGH.

Today, I slept in until 11am. I haven't done that in forever, but apparently, my body needed it from the long day I had yesterday. I hung out here for awhile, then went to my parents' house. We made dinner for my dad, and Mandy came over with Ron and Hailey. It was a nice evening. I got home, and just relaxed for the rest of the night. I am going to bed as soon as I'm done with this entry.

This month is flying by, and it's actually bothering me a little. I can't believe how fast time goes. I'm not sure if it's going quickly because I have so much planned this summer, or if that's just the way it is. Before I know it, it'll be July, and I'll be getting packed for the week in North Carolina I've had planned for months, for my sister, Lisa's, wedding. It's just crazy. I feel like I have no time for rest sometimes. It sounds odd, but it's true. I almost feel sad about it, because I feel like the summer is going to go by and I won't be enjoying it as much. I'm not sure that is making sense, but I'm not sure how else to describe it.

Well I guess I'll be off to bed, since I think my ideas are just getting jumbled. lol

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Just Stuff

I've been busy doing little things here and there for the past several days. Sometimes I just think that I am too lazy to write in my journal. Well, I am, but there are many times I just forget!

I've been trying to work on my jewelry website. I finally got alot of pictures up, thanks to what my sister took, and thanks to my friend giving me her digital camera. The process of putting them up takes forever, though! I think it's a combination of my computer being connected to the internet via phone (boohoo!), and the website just working ever so slowly! I get so frustrated with it sometimes, that I just end up working on it a little bit at a time. But the last major step is figuring out how to allow people to order. I can either just have them send me an email with specific information that I list on the site, or I can try to do an order form type thing that I need to play around with. Another question is payment. I don't think I want to get into credit cards, but I guess I just need to figure out exactly what to use! But I do hope that I launch my site soon! I'm excited about just having people see what I make. :)

I am going to a concert this weekend, to see The Tragically Hip. They are a Canadian band, and they've been around for quite some time! It should be a fun time, though! I'm going with my best friend and her husband, who bought the ticket for me and said not to worry about the cost. I thought that was very sweet of them!

My sister, Lisa, and her fiance will be home for 5 days next week. We will be celebrating our niece's first birthday! I can hardly believe she'll be a year old next Wednesday. We are also having a small breakfast shower for Lisa and Brandon, with family and a few friends. It should be nice!

I found out on Friday that my cholesterol is atrocious, and I have been put on a statin drug. My cholesterol has been high, but last year I got it down quite a bit from the last time I had it checked. Granted, it was still high, but not like it had been before. However, a year later, it's gone way back up again. I've changed my eating habits quite a bit, but sadly, genetics are not on my side. I didn't want to go on another medicine, especially because being on the statin and Tracleer means more potential for liver failure. I just have to pray my liver is strong enough to take both drugs! It's been pretty good to me all along, so I hope there are no problems!

Well I must be off to exercise. I'm trying to walk every day. I really started slacking again, but this week I've done well so far. I'm trying to just at least walk for 1/2 a mile every day. If I can go further, then I'll do it. But I think more exercise will help me with the cholesterol, too! Here's hoping!

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Damn Allergies!

I've been a miserable chicky the past several days. My allergies are driving me nuts. And sadly, I have come to admit that I do actually have allergies. I grew up without them, always feeling bad for my sisters and my dad when spring and summer came around because I knew they were feeling horrible. In the past few years, I've developed allergies to something in the air. To what exactly, I'm not sure, but it's definitely not a cold. The sad thing is, I can't take much to help relieve the symptoms. I'm not allowed to take a decongestant, and that just makes me want to cry! I emailed my PH specialist tonight, to ask if there is anything I can try to take. I have just felt so very tired and sniffly, and itchy the past few days. There has to be something out there I can take!!

I went to a town called Lewiston yesterday with my good friend, Renee. It's only about 15 minutes from the Falls. We browsed some of the shops, and enjoyed some yummy slushies outside a coffee bar. I got a blue brandy-style glass for only $2 at an antique store, and I was happy! Then I took Renee around the downtown area of the Falls, and showed her a few of the bars we go to when we go out. It was a rather nice day, and I enjoyed hanging out with her!

Well I am off to bed, since I had a busy day of running around doing errands today. Then I took my dad to see Ice Age 2 as an early Father's Day present. It was hilarious, I thought funnier than the first one. We were the only 2 in the theater, so we laughed loudly! It was a nice time spent with my dad. :)

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

If Only Winter Was This Warm

It's hot. Now I've never usually been the one to complain about heat. I live for it, since I'm always so gosh darn cold, even when wearing layers to keep warm! But yesterday was outright unbearable, and I think it was mostly because I was celebrating Memorial Day at a house that didn't have the A/C on, or any sort of fan going. Being outside actually felt better than being inside. Plus, there was a pool set up for the kids, so I walked around in it a couple times. It felt rather refreshing, and made me contemplate getting one for myself. lol

Today is just as hot, but for some reason, I'm doing much better. Maybe it's because there is more circulation of air in here, and I have a couple fans blowing. It's 84 in the house, but I'm comfy. Now does that make sense?? For most people, no. But for me, yes! lol

I'm going out for dinner tonight with a lady I used to work with at Niagara University. I call her Mom #2. She calls me Daughter #2. Even after all these years since I've graduated from NU, I keep in touch with her as much as I can. She is such a dear person, and I'm looking forward to seeing her tonight!

Well I am off to go under a fan and read. Hope you're staying cool in your neck of the woods. :)

Thursday, May 25, 2006

A Sweet Baby, An Idol, And I'm Totally Lost!

I had a great day today! I went over to Mandy's house for the afternoon, and my heart sang as soon as I walked in the door and saw my beautiful niece! Of course, I loved seeing Mandy, too! :) We spent the time hanging out in the sun, playing inside, and watching a Baby Einstein video. I also got my first experience of hearing Hailey just completely laugh. There is nothing in this world that sings to my soul more than hearing a child laugh, and when it is a baby, oooooh I just LOVE it! I was making one of her stuffed animals peek around the corner, and then I said "BOO!" and it just made her bust out laughing! It was soooo adorable! I realize more and more how much I just love that little baby. :)

I am sooooooooooooo very very happy with America's choice for the next American Idol!! Taylor Hicks is just one entertaining person, and he deserved to win it this year. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!! I have to say, I had such a hard time voting for him last night! The phone line was busy right up until the deadline, it was unbelievable! But I'm just so glad he won!!

The Lost season finale was a great one tonight. I think I have more questions now than I did before! I'm already in anticipation of next season, though. I never watched the first season, but I'm very happy I watched it this year! It's a good show with great writing!

And on a final note, the Buffalo Sabres won their game tonight against the Carolina Hurricanes. Since I live very near Buffalo, I want am a Sabres fan, and I want them to go all the way to win the Stanley Cup!!!

Saturday, May 20, 2006

Oh, How I Love A Good Bargain!

I went to Kohl's today with my mom, to browse around and see if we could find anything good. Well, I ended up buying two sweaters off the clearance rack for next winter. I was sooooo excited when I was in the checkout to find what the final cost of each of them were!

They were: $1.26 each.

$1.26.

Whoooooooo hoooooooo!!!! I was so happy that I made my mom and the cashier lady laugh! Hey, can't beat a good bargain like that!!!

Another bargain deal for me came tonight when I finally looked through a box of clothes given to me by my friend's hubby's cousin. She was a skinny minnie like me for a while, but apparently she's put on a little weight. So as I was sifting through the clothes, I came across several pairs of shorts!!! I had just been looking for new shorts yesterday while shopping, and even today. I didn't want to spend a ton of money, so I didn't get anything. And now have five "new" pairs of shorts, so I don't need to spend any money!! Yaaaaay!!! Happiness in bargains!!!

Sunday, May 14, 2006

To My Mom

First of all, Happy Mother's Day to all you moms and grandmas out there! I wish the very best to you, and I hope you had a wonderful day!

I'd like to take this time to write a little something to my mom. I know she doesn't read my blog, but I wanted to write it anyway. :)

Dear Mom,

Thank you. Thank you for all the things you've done for me in my 3o years of life so far. Thank you for being there for me at all my doctor's appointments since I've been a baby. There have been a gazillion of them, I'm sure! And to know that you still want to go to my appointments even now means so much to me. I know I have lived with PH for all this time, but it still scares me sometimes. Not knowing what test results will reveal when I go to my doctors sometimes really gets me nervous, but knowing that you are there no matter what gives me some relief. I thank you for that.

Thank you for all the support you've given me in the past several years, since I had to quit my job. I don't know how I'd make it sometimes if it weren't for you help. This includes everything from the exurcions to the grocery store to giving me stuff that I need. I appreciate it more than you know.

Thank you for the laughs we've shared, and it seems we share more and more all the time. I truly love you very much, and I am so happy that you are my Mom. I pray that you will continue to be for many more years to come.

Much love to you,
Daughter #1

Monday, May 08, 2006

Accomplishments

I have gotten so much done today, and I'm feeling damn proud of myself. Granted, it's not everything I had on my list of things to do, but I have to realize that I can't always accomplish everything on my list. I've done alot of physical things, however, and although I'm a little tired right now, there have been times when I'd be passed out by now if I had done what I've done! I guess I'm having a good day because the weather is nicer, and it's not so cold. Cold seems to effect how I feel, and how I'm able to do things. But I've done 2 loads of laundry, hung them up outside, changed the bedding, and vacuumed 2 rooms. I admit, the vacuuming is something I really should have passed on. It made me so tired, and that's why I'm taking a nap in a few minutes. But it soooooo needed to be done. The living room looked like the cat blew up, there was so much fur on the rug. I know, gross, but what can I say? I'm technically not supposed to be vacuuming, so since my mom hasn't been over here in awhile, I decided I just had to go ahead and do it!

I had lunch on my porch earlier, and I saw all these kids walking home from school. It got me thinking about when I was little, and I used to walk home with my sisters. And how much I'd be tired from walking. My school was only 2 blocks away (still is, I'm still on the same street I grew up on, just a different house!). My family would walk to church often, 2 blocks away since it's also where I went to school. We'd walk during the nicer weather, but it still was often hard for me to get there. I'd just walk really slow. My sisters and friends in the neighborhood would go on walks to Wilson Farms, and that was a bit further than school. Somehow I made those, too, but not easily.

I guess it just made me wonder why, as a kid, I tolerated the feeling I used to have after walking so much better than I do now. If someone asked me to walk around the block, I'd pass almost right away. I know that I would have a hard time making it, and I don't want to feel so tired and worn out afterward. Why did I never do that as a kid? I am thinking that maybe I thought alot of people felt the way I did after walking. I also think kids are more resilient than adults, and I just wanted to go along with my friends and family. Sometimes that makes me feel like a wuss today, but I guess I'm just smarter, and know I shouldn't push myself? It also makes me feel bad that I am not like everyone else, and a stroll around the block is something I wish I could do again.

Well, off for my nap. Just thinking of walking made me tired. lol

Calm Weekend

My weekend was nice. I went to the movies Saturday night with Mo and Dee. It was nice to see Mo, and I gave her a long hug when she got to the theater. She seemed to be upbeat, although I am most definitely sure she is still going through an emotional rollercoaster. It'll take time to heal, but she'll be ok.

We saw Akeelah the Bee, and it was a very good movie! We laughed at some of the words the kids had to spell. I said near the end that I felt very dumb watching it. Mo said she was sure half the audience felt that way! lol Afterward we went to Perkins for something to eat, and just chatted. The only reference Mo made to anything regarding her called-off wedding was that she wears her wedding ring sometimes, just not on her left finger. I didn't see it on that night, but it kind of made me sad. I don't know how I could wear it if that happened to me. I'd have to leave it in a box somewhere for a long time before I could think of having it on. But, that's just me.

I spent yesterday with my parents mostly. It was nice. We went to a couple stores, and then I went over to their house for dinner. I love my parents very much, and I'm glad that we are close.

I looked back at my last entry, and I have to take something back that I said about May. I said it was one of the worst months, and it almost seemed like I was belittling all the people I know who are celebrating something this month. I truly didn't mean to do that. May is a beautiful month, and to all my friends and family having a birthday and/or anniversary, I wish them happiness on their special day!

It's a gorgeous morning here, and I have so many little things to do around the house. Yet I'm still in pjs, and I feel like going back to bed. lol I know I won't, though. Not until this afternoon, when I seem to take my daily little siesta. Right now I must get my butt in gear, and get a shower in! I have laundry to do, bedding to change, vacuuming to attempt (maybe), lamps to make, etc. I'd exercise, but I think all that stuff will take up my energy, so I don't think I'll try it! Off I go!

Friday, May 05, 2006

Happenings

This week seemed to have gone by alot quicker than last week. Last week just dragged. I kept busy with things, but it just seemed like time was going by slower than molasses. Now suddenly, before I knew it, a whole other week has passed!

I'm feeling better than last week, emotionally. I'm not worrying about things too much. I wouldn't say I'm at peace, but I feel calmer on the inside. I'm glad for that, because for a couple days, I really thought I was going to have a breakdown physically. I can't get myself stressed out like I did, it's definitely not good for my health!

I've started working on a website for my jewelry. I finally decided that I had to just start it, and then maybe my sister will just put the pictures of my stuff on for me. It's coming along, and I like it so far! Right now, I'm just showing examples of what I make. If someone wants to order something, I will have instructions on how to do so. Since I only make one of something, it's kind of hard to have that displayed, and only having one to order. I haven't figured out how to do that yet! I will also feature tealight lamps soon. They have been fun to make, and I am using glass beads on those, too. There are so many things you can do with beads!

This month is one that I consider the "worst month of the year." The only reason I say this is because May has always been filled with birthdays, anniversaries, Mother's Day, and graduations/Communions, etc. I also call it my "broke" month. Not that I'm not broke any other month. lol But I'm planning on making a couple gifts this May, since I can't afford to buy everyone something. Hopefully they'll like it. If not, there's not much I can do about it!

Lisa is coming home on May 20th, and I didn't even know it! I knew she was thinking about coming home, but she said airline tickets were too expensive. I guess she must have found a cheap ticket! It'll be nice to see her, since we haven't seen her since the holidays. She is also driving home in June, for little Hailey's first birthday! And then, we get to go down south for her wedding in July. Three months in a row of seeing Lisa, yay!!

My best friend, Eve, is coming home for a week next month. I'm sooooo excited to see her! I miss her badly, and I wish she was back home. Her husband has filed paperwork to get transferred back to this area, but it's going to take awhile to find out the results. There's no guarantee that he would be sent back here. I keep praying that he will be! As much as I can't stand the guy, and that I'm happy Eve finally separated from him, I want him transferred here so that Eve and their son will be back here, too! She needs to come home!

Well, I must be off to exercise. It's getting to be addictive with me again. I'm especially obsessed with trying to get my stomach flat. I don't know why. I think part of the reason is that diabetes runs in my family, and I'm so afraid that I'll develop it, too. If you saw me in person, you'd probably slap me silly because I'm very thin. lol It's not a matter of losing weight, it's just a matter of building muscle. I'm not looking for abs of steel, I just want more muscle. Apparently, trying to build muscle in your tummy is very hard! Ok, off I go!

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Feeling Down

The past several days, I haven't felt like myself. While I do laugh and joke with my family and friends, either in person or on the phone, a couple things have been bothering me lately. My father is one of them, because of his non-chalant attitude about his prostate cancer that I can't understand. I'm trying to just "let go" of my worries about it, since there isn't much that I can do but pray that he actually does do something about it after July (he won't do anything until after my sister's wedding, July 29th). I think the stress of the whole situation is really getting to me, and I just can't let that happen. My health will start to deteriorate if I constantly worry about him right now.

Another sort of sadness started on Sunday night. I was supposed to be going to a good friend's wedding this coming Saturday. My friends, my sisters, and I have been looking forward to it for months. Not to mention my friend, who just last Thursday was telling perfect strangers about her plans. Sunday night, I was told that the wedding wasn't going to happen. At first I thought it was just a joke (now who would joke about that??), but slowly it started to sink in that it was very real. My friend's fiance...well, I guess ex-fiance now....told her he couldn't go through with it. My heart aches for her. I know that she is devastated, although I have yet to talk to her. I don't think she wants to talk to anyone just yet. I can't blame her. She truly thought this was the person for her, and she couldn't wait to be married and start a family. I guess it just wasn't what he wanted.

I just feel so horrible for my friend, and my biggest hope for her is that she can move on from this. It's obviously going to take quite some time for her to do that, but I hope that she can do it. I guess I feel sad because I know that she is hurting. And I guess it's still so hard to believe that it happened.

I guess what happened makes me feel relieved that I'm single. There are times when I wish I wasn't, but there are many times when I'm glad I am. I know not every guy is like the one my friend was going to marry, but just knowing that something like this could and does happen makes me feel glad I'm not in a relationship.

Sunday, April 23, 2006

Awwww!

My parents and I were out on the Boulevard today, picking up bridesmaid dresses, getting my dad's outfit for Lisa's wedding, and eating at Outback (boy was that tasty!). On the way home, we stopped at Mandy's house to drop off her dress, and her in-laws were visiting. We went upstairs to see Hailey and Mandy, and Ron's mom. Hailey was on the floor with Beverly (Ron's mom), and my mom and I said hi to her. When I said "Hi Hailey," she turned around to look at me, gave me this huge smile, and immediately left Beverly to crawl over to me! I just thought that was the cutest thing! She did that the other day when I stopped by to drop something off. She was in the middle of the backyard on a blanket, and when she saw me, she started smiling and crawling toward me. I guess she must really love her Aunt Colleen! :-D

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Ooops, I Forgot!

I was quite busy yesterday, that I guess I totally forgot about the date. I usually pay attention to anniversaries, even when they aren't nice ones. Well, April 19th is a date that means alot for several reasons. First of all, it's been 11 years since the Oklahoma City bombing. The only connection I have to that is that Timothy McVeigh used to live about 25 minutes from where I live. April 19th was also the day my Dad got into a bad accident at work, 11 years ago. He is still having complications from it, even after having 2 knee surgeries. Now his doctor is suggesting knee replacement surgery. It seems to never end for him. April 19th is also the day that I had to quit my preschool job, 6 years ago. It sometimes seems like yesterday when that happened, but I realize how much it had to happen. I wouldn't be here today if I had chose to ignore my doctor and kept on working. I'm much better health-wise than I was back then! Money-wise, well that's a different story. lol

Maybe forgetting about April 19th this year was a sign that those bad things aren't that important now. It's better to look at where I am today, and how much better things are than what they were in the past. Hopefully I'll keep thinking that way from now on!

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Just Some Stuff

It seems like nothing much has been going on since I last wrote, but really, there has. Maybe it just hasn't been too thrilling to write about. lol

Last week I started taking L-arginine. My PH specialist suggested I take it if I wanted to go a more natural route, or I could try Viagra. Yes, I said Viagra! See, I had asked him about adding something to what I've been taking, to give me a little more oompf. I have been doing well on my lung medicine, but there have been times where I've felt I needed just a little something more to give me extra energy. Hence, the Viagra suggestion, or L-arginine. And with everything I've read online so far, L-arginine works in just about the same way Viagra would work. It opens up the blood vessels more, so that more blood can flow through, especially to areas that would need it most. In my case, that would be my lungs. Interestingly enough, when Viagra was first created, it was intended for heart patients. During studies, they discovered a little side effect. lol Because of that side effect, they decided it would market better for men! Well, now it's being used for many PH patients, just under a different brand name, so there isn't much of a stigma. Especially for women who are on it! lol

Well anyhow, I started L-arginine last Thursday, so it's getting close to a week of being on it. I'm not sure if it's truly helping yet, but I'm hoping that it will. I got back into exercising last Thurs, too, after not doing anything for 2 weeks due to my cold. It's been a slow process getting back into a routine. There have been a couple days where I've just felt horrible trying to walk. And sometimes it's depressing. I don't want to feel as badly as I do sometimes, I just want to exercise and get on with my day. But I'm slowly getting into it, and I'm hoping that this L-arginine stuff will help me out a bit more. Or I'm trying Viagra next! lol

Easter was very nice. I went to church with my family, and also sat with my friend, Dee, and her family. Hailey was such a good baby during the mass! And she was just too cute in her little Easter dress. My Dad told me Hailey held on to his pinky finger during the Our Father. How adorable is that?? After church, we took some pictures in front of my sister's house. Then I went to my parents' house for dinner later in the afternoon. It was a nice evening, and Hailey was great entertainment! She is really crawling around, and also trying to stand every chance she gets. Mandy says she can't wait until Hailey can walk, but I told her she better take that back. If she thinks her life is chaotic now trying to keep up with her, wait until she walks!! lol By the time I got back home, I was really exhausted. I ended up going to bed a lot earlier than usual!

This week so far hasn't been too bad. Yesterday I visited Erin and her cute little girl for a while. Today, I've just been doing odd things here and there. I had to reinstall AIM, which ended up being a newer version, and so much better than what I had before! I exercised in the afternoon, rather than the morning, and I seemed to do a bit better. I also started putting away winter clothes, and taking out some spring/summer stuff. It's still a little cool on some days to be wearing summer shirts (at least for me it is), but the bulky sweaters had to go!

I've been watching a group of little kids playing in their backyard on a swingset for the past couple hours. They are on the next block over, but I can see their backyard from here. They remind me of playing with my sisters for hours in our backyard on our swingset when we were little. I miss being a little kid sometimes. They have no worries like we do as adults. Their biggest concerns are what to play next, who did what to whom, and so on. I wish I could have that carefree life again! lol

Well, guess that's it for now. I should go start dinner, although I don't know what I want! See, that's another thing little kids don't have to worry about, what to make for dinner! hehe Til next time.....

Monday, April 10, 2006

Missing Green Stuff

In the past couple weeks, I've felt the money pinch. Well, I always feel the pinch, but some months aren't as bad as others. It's months like this one, where I have to pay an extra bill (water bill, and for one person who doesn't use that much water, it's really high!), plan for a friend's birthday, pay for my car's inspection, and a few unexpected needs along the way that make me stress out completely. And this month isn't as bad as May is going to be! I really hate May, there is toooo much going on in this month that causes me to want to choke financially. I guess the lack of funds makes me feel like I'm destitute. That's not the case. I can pay my bills every month, which is a blessing. I just hardly ever have enough money for myself, to get something I really want. And when I do have money for something, I feel torn about really getting something. For example, I bought 2 bottles of nailpolish today, they weren't even a dollar. Yet I felt really guilty about it afterward. I looked at watches today, and didn't get one because I knew I didn't have the money. I desparately need a new watch. Mine has been slowing down alot, leaving me behind time, and I've super-glued the watch band together so many times that I'm not sure it'll last one more time! It's just really frustrating!!



Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Shouldn't Have Gone to Cleveland :(

Well, we drove to Cleveland on Monday morning, despite the fact that I was still feeling sick. I made it through most of my appointments, until the end. I did my 6-minute walk (a regular test for PH patients), and when I was finished, I was so cold that I started shaking uncontrollably when I got back to my parents in the waiting area. After 10 minutes of that, my mom finally went to tell someone. They got me in to see my specialist right away, and he wrote me a script for an antibiotic. I did get to ask him about adding something to my medicines to help me with my PH symptoms, but we didn't really get to talk about much in length. I decided to cancel the appointments I had the next morning, and we left for home Monday night. So the entire trip was kind of a bust, and I wish that I had just cancelled everything.

The only ironic thing about the trip was that on my walk, I went 200 meters farther than I did the last time! Go figure! lol Off to bed I go, again!

Sunday, April 02, 2006

Going to Cleveland...Hopefully

I am supposed to be leaving in the morning for another round of appointments at the Cleveland Clinic. I've actually been looking forward to it, since I want to ask my PH specialist several things. However, I woke up this morning sick. Yes, that's right, sick!! After spending an entire winter avoiding and narrowly missing colds, I now have one! This really blows! I don't want to cancel my appointments, though. Right now, what I'm feeling is post nasal drip, a slight cough, and I had a small fever earlier (my mom said it wasn't high enough to be a fever, but I had chills, and my forehead was hot!). I've been taking that Mucinex stuff, and some Tylenol for pain. So I guess we'll see how I am tomorrow. I really hate that I am sick now!! But maybe that means I won't get sick again until the fall?? I sure hope so!

Saturday, April 01, 2006

Tea For Two...Or 14 In This Case!

My good friend, Monique, is getting married exactly 4 weeks from today! She had a big huge bridal shower a month ago with about 100 women, but today, there were 14 of us. She didn't know where, she didn't know who was going to be there. It was at a cute little place, called The White Linen Tea House. There were many rooms where groups of people (ok, women really, what guy would go for tea?? lol) could sit and have tea and sandwiches, and a variety of desserts. I had never been to a place like this before, and I found it rather nice! It was relaxing, the food was good, and I have fallen in love with scones! I've never had them before! They also had a lot of tea choices to pick, and you get your own pot of hot water to brew whatever you've chosen. I picked vanilla, very tasty! So we all ate, laughed, and enjoyed each other's company! It was a very fun afternoon with my friends!

Friday, March 31, 2006

Teaser Days

Today is another gorgeous day! This is a day I like to call a teaser day. Teaser days occur in the spring and the fall. They are days that are nice and warm, most of the time sunny, sometimes not. They come once in a while, sometimes in pairs, and if we're in luck, they might come three days in a row! They are days that say, "It's spring, it's nice, but not all spring days are nice like this!" And then the next day, the temperature is much cooler, and we need to break out the sweaters again. Well, most of us have to anyway! The same thing happens in the fall. No matter which season it is, we always long for more teaser days!!

I have a couple of windows open, one on each side of the house. I opened the bathroom window, which enticed the cat to sit there for a few hours! He misses the windows being open just as much as I do! I also opened a kitchen window, which inspired me to clean! The dishes are done, and I took apart the burners on top of the stove and cleaned all that area. I'm now eating lunch, and trying to decide whether to clean more, or just go sit on the porch before we get the thunderstorms they predicted. Hmmmm, what to do?? hehe

I'll be outside.....

Thursday, March 30, 2006

A Beauty of A Day!

It's gorgeous out today! I thought yesterday was so nice, but today has been even better. The wonderfully warm sunshine has felt so good, and made me happy! I exercised this morning, and then made a quick decision to go visit my dad since it was almost his lunch time. I brought him some banana chocolate chip cake that I made the other morning, so he had that with lunch, too! We sat outside the pipe shop in the sun, and chatted while he ate. It was rather nice! Too bad he only had half an hour!

Afterward, I went to my mom's house. We chatted, and had lunch. It was nice! Then I decided to go back home and try cleaning up some crap on my lawn. Having a house on the corner isn't always fun. It sort of becomes a dumping ground, with newspapers, bottles, cigarette packs, and a variety of other things left throughout the year! I walked around with a garbage bag, picking up various items on the lawn and hiding in the bushes. Bending over constantly is not a good thing for me, so after about 20 minutes, I was rather tired. But at least I got everything I could see! Hopefully my landlords (aka my parents) will be willing to rake out the bushes, since I can't really do it!

After all that, I decided I need to sit down.....on my front porch! I found some sun, parked my butt down, and read my book (and watched traffic and people passing by) for quite some time! I am now pretty tired, and I'm feeling the need for a light siesta!

Sunday, March 26, 2006

Comment Control!

Due to the fact that I keep getting unsolicited comments about loans in my journal (which I keep deleting!!), I guess I'm going to have to put controls on the comments I get. I'll have to proof them first. Not that I get all that many, but still, what a pain!! I hate it when people try to advertise, though! Hopefully it'll stop!

Friday, March 24, 2006

Memories

Today is a stark contrast to the day 12 years ago when I learned that my Grandpa passed away. It was a beautiful sunny day, much warmer than it is today. My Grandpa had been in the hospital for almost a month, fighting every moment of being there. He constantly pulled out his IVs, or tried to, until they finally put them down near his ankle. He always wanted to go home. Little did he know that if he ever left the hospital, he wasn't going back to the home he loved. My parents had been trying to find the right nursing home for him, which my grandpa would have absolutely hated. In a way, I think it was a blessing that he passed away in the hospital, for he would have been miserable if he couldn't go back to his home.

In the 12 years since my Grandpa has gone home to God, I've gone through alot of emotions. The first few years were hard for me. I cried every year on the anniversary of his death, because it still seemed like it just happened. Over the years, it's gotten better. I usually try to go to the cemetary, depending on the weather. The past few years, I've remembered the day, but then I've forgotten to go remember grandpa at the cemetary, or in my thoughts and prayers.

This year, today, I'm missing him very much. And I'm wondering if he's missing us. I'm sure he is. Our family has grown over the years. Two out of my three cousins have married. One of them has two children. One of my sisters has gotten married, and has a baby. Another sister is getting married this summer. I wonder if Grandpa has been there to watch over us through all our changes and additions. I'd like to think that he is.

Here's to you, Grandpa. I love you as much as I did the day you passed away, and I always will. You will always live on in my memory, and in my heart.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Doing Better

Well, after my morning rant, I feel better than I did when I woke up. That's because I slept most of the day. After I got up from my second nap, I didn't feel so fatigued as I did from my first nap and when I woke up this morning. So hopefully, I'll be doing better tomorrow, too!

I changed my answering machine message today, also. It now sounds like this:

You have reached (phone number). Please leave a message at the beep. If you are looking for Darlene or Dana Destino, they no longer use this number, and I have no idea who they are. Thanks.

I don't know if this will help me out at all, but I figured, what the heck?? It can't hurt! Not many people use my house number anyway. Except the people looking for the Destinos. lol

This Is Getting Ridiculous!!

I'm in a pissy, foul mood this morning. I lost an hour of sleep because my house phone rang at 4:40 this morning. The phone is in my bedroom, which I really must reconsider. I let the machine pick it up, and I listened to some woman asking Darlene if she wanted to work the morning shift at S2 today, and to call her as soon as she could. The first thought that came across me after the woman hung up was, "What the fuck??" Darlene Destino is really beginning to piss me off. She gets rid of her phone number, and since I got it in June, I've gotten calls from obviously good friends, her doctor's office, the WIC program, her pharmacy, her child's school, and her work. Why on earth wouldn't you give your new number to these places??? Wouldn't you consider them important?? I am waiting for the new phone books to come out next month. If Darlene's phone number is still listed as mine, I'm calling the phone company and asking for a new number. This is just ridiculous!!

I'm also pissy because I woke up to snow on the ground. IT IS SPRING, ACT LIKE IT DAMN IT!!!

Ok, I'm going back to bed. Maybe I'll wake up in a better mood!

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Evaluations

Last week I received an email from Euan, and then I talked to him online later that evening. He had written to tell me that he was feeling a bit better lately, but that his grandmother's death made him evaluate his own life and where he's at right now. He told me that he sees all his friends and family members getting married, having children, owning a house, living a normal life. And he feels like he's being left behind. He wonders if he'll ever find that special someone to spend the rest of his life with, if he'll be a father, if he'll be able to make enough money to buy a house of his own. Then he asked me how I feel knowing I'll never live a normal kind of life like everyone else I know. Since we both are in situations where our health is a huge influence in what happens with our lives, he wanted to know how I deal with the fact that I may never have what I've always wanted in life.

The first thing I asked Euan when I wrote him back was "What is normal??" I don't think any one of us could say we live a "normal" life. What might be normal for one person wouldn't be normal for another. The second thing I told him was that I don't feel behind in regards to where my family and friends are in their lives. In fact, I am so close to everyone I love, that I feel I'm very much up-to-date. The people I love ARE my life. I constantly keep in touch with everyone, and vice versa. I can't stand it when I haven't heard from someone, or I don't know what they've been up to. It's not that I'm nosy, it's because I really care about them. I've always been that way, and I always will be.

I did admit to Euan that there have been many times when I've been sad that I don't have things that most people in my life have. For example, I wish that I could have continued the career that I had to quit when I barely got started. I miss teaching a lot, because I loved it. But if I hadn't quit, I might not even be here today. It was too overwhelming for me physically, and I got sick too often. But there are things in my life that I grew up knowing I wouldn't have, like a house. I can't take care of a house. I can't even take care of some of the chores in my apartment without help, like vacuuming (ok, I admit doing that, but I really shouldn't!!) or wshing floors. Forget yardwork, the thought if trying to rake or shovel gets me out of breath. I've also always known that I can't bear children. And while many people tell me I could adopt, taking care of a little baby is a physical challenge that I wouldn't be able to cope with. So I find myself being the best aunt I can be, whether it's to my sisters' children or to my friends' children. I love them all so dearly! (and when they are being fussy or misbehaving, I can give them back to their parents! hehe) And as for being in a relationship, I told him that if it's meant to happen, then it will. If not, then I'm not worried about it, because I have plenty of people in my life that make me happy.

The last thing I told Euan was that, although it took me some time to come to this realization, I am exactly where God wants me to be. I may not understand all the reasons why my life has turned out the way it is. God had His reasons. But I think they've made me a stronger person. At least that's what people tell me all the time. It's nice to be seen that way, although I know that I am not strong all the time. But right now, I am happy with my life. I've had one of the healthiest winters ever in the longest time. I hope to continue that now that spring is here. I started a support group, something I was so nervous about, but I am extremely proud of. I think I was meant to start it, and I'm so happy I did! I make jewelry, and I tutor, both of which I enjoy and can make a little bit of a profit. I'm back into exercising, which makes a difference on how I feel. I'm going to be involved in three weddings this spring/summer, and I can't wait to dance!! Life is good for me right now. I couldn't be happier.

Euan told me later that evening that my email was something he needed to hear/read. He said that everything I wrote about is what he needs to contemplate, that no matter what his life is like right now, it's where he's supposed to be. I hope that he is able to continue to move on after his grandmother died. He is a great person, I can see that and did see it when we met. Hopefully one day we can start hanging out more like we had planned way back in December. I'm not looking for anything more than a friendship with him, but I never know what will happen. He just needs to continue to get back on his feet and I hope he will be able to do that!

Monday, March 20, 2006

Spring Has Sprung!

Welcome Spring!! It officially arrives at 6pm today, at least that's what I heard someone say on the radio. Whatever the case, the calendar has officially ended the winter. I wish Mother Nature worked that way, though. Too bad the weather doesn't automatically switch to what it says on the calendar! Today's temperatures don't sound spring-ish at all, and it won't feel that way for most of the week! Oh well, I guess what I should be thankful for is that another winter has gone by, leading to hopefully another great summer weather-wise! Yes, I like the heat!!

Spring seems to bring with it so many promises and newness. I love seeing things start coming back to life after a long nap in the cold. I saw my first robin on the golf course the other day, and I was elated! I was always excited to see robins when I was little, because I knew that meant spring was coming. Another sign of spring that I truly love are the tulips. The are my absolute favorite flower! I have already seen a few sprouting around my house, so I know they will start popping up within the next few weeks. And I can't wait to see them!

While I'm excited spring is here, I can't wait for it to start feeling more like spring in the air. I can't wait for days where I only need a light jacket or a heavy sweater when I go outside. I even welcome the rain, for I know it'll make things grow and return to life! So welcome spring!! It's good to have you back!