Showing posts from 2019

Survivor's Guilt

The moment I was born, I was a sick baby, even though doctors couldn't figure that out until I was 9 months old. I don't know what it's like to be totally healthy. I spent the first 28 years of my life knowing I had 2 holes in my heart, and pulmonary hypertension (PH), although no one really explained that second half to my parents or myself. Then when my daily symptoms of shortness of breath, and extreme fatigue turned into an elephant sitting on my chest constantly, I was eventually introduced to the PH world. I started seeing doctors at the Cleveland Clinic in Ohio who specialized in the disease, plus a cardiologist for adults living with a congenital heart defect. I was eventually started on a PH medication, and that first shipment of medication almost 16 years ago led me to the online world of a PH community. From message boards to chat rooms, I suddenly realized that I WAS NOT ALONE!! The PH world became MY world for so long. I would read messages for hours, replying…

30 Things That Make Me Smile

I was looking for some journaling prompts tonight, and came across this one: List 30 Things That Make You Smile. So, here no particular order of importance:

1. Tulips
2. Hearing any Janet Jackson song
3. A baby's laughter
4. My kitty girl
5. Getting exercise done
6. Making a healthy meal
7. Helping a new phriend in their time of need and sometimes despair
8. Talking with an elderly person about their life
9. A conversation with an old friend
10. Spending an afternoon with my parents
11. Talking to any of my sistores
12. Watching a butterfly
13. Pushing myself to do something out of my comfort zone, and then loving what I did
14. Looking at old photographs and remembering exactly what was happening in them
15. Watching a betta fish swim around in it's tank
16. Smelling a baked good in the oven
17. Hearing my phone ring
18. Painting 
19. Opening the windows on a warm day
20. Waking up to Grace snoring next to me
21. Driving with my windows down and the music blaring on a warm summer's…


Exercise. It was something I was pretty much told to stay away from when I was growing up. Doctors  initially couldn't give my parents a direct answer about me taking gym class, so they finally decided that I would do better without it. So, my entire school career, I never took a gym class, and I never participated in sports. Even though I ran around with my sistores and neighborhood friends playing Hide N Seek and Capture The Flag, it would exhaust me, and I'd have to rest for an awfully long time. So, no exercise regimen or sports for me!
Then, when my PH symptoms got worse, and I eventually was referred to Cleveland Clinic, I was told I'd have to do a 6 minute walk. I had no idea what that really entailed, but I tried to start walking on my sistore's treadmill to "practice," and holy moly, did I feel terrible!! But, I kept trying as much as I could to walk so that maybe I could "pass" this 6 minute walk thing. Unfortunately, when it got time to …

A Sign

The other day I was in Hobby Lobby for some clear Elmer's glue for a project I'm doing next week with the seniors at the nursing home. Since the glue was almost near the back of the store, I took my time wandering up to the front to cash out, and stopped at a display of signs. The one below really spoke to me, and so I decided that I had to have it:

Ever since I had to quit working at the ripe old age of 24, I have spent the almost last 20 years occasionally wondering what my purpose was supposed to be if I couldn't work. Sometimes I had such terrible guilt about not going to a job every day, and sometimes I felt judged by it. But, there has never been anyone in my life who has outright made comments to me about not working. And, to be honest, the only person really judging me It hasn't been until the last several months that I have actually been OKAY with not working. Why did it take so long?? I guess maybe because I found some answers along the way about …

Dusting Off The Cobwebs

It's been, once again, forever since I last wrote in this blog. I have always done that with any diary/journal/blog I've had since I was little and had my Cabbage Patch Diary (which is still in my drawer!). Sometimes, I am just not inspired to write. Sometimes, I feel like my writing is boring. I think I need to change that. I was thinking of finding some sort of article or challenge of writing almost every day on different topics. I'll have to do some research. But, tonight, I at least wanted to brush off the proverbial cobwebs of my site, to get some words out there in the internet. And, I wanted to also put it in "writing."

I've been happy lately, and that speaks volumes to me. <3 p="">