Sunday, January 30, 2011

Emotional Dream

This morning I woke up from an incredibly emotional dream. It was so vivid, like it had been happening in real time, and the emotions from what was happening felt so real that I was almost crying. I dreamt that I had been evaluated for a lung transplant, and that my time had come to have the surgery. I was saying goodbye to my family, hugging each one for what could've possibly been the last time, and trying not to cry my eyes out. I asked the doctors if we could say a prayer before surgery. I remember holding onto someone's hand before I was knocked out completely from the anesthesia, but I don't remember who that person was. Then the dream seemed to fast forward a tiny bit to after the surgery and I was already recovering so well that I was allowed to go home after a week of being under the knife and getting my new lungs. The first thing I did was go to my parents' house to pick up Mittens, who was so happy to see me he couldn't stop crying and rubbing my legs. I remember when I saw him, the emotion was so strong, it was hard to believe I was only dreaming. And then I woke up.

I am not anywhere near ready for a lung transplant, and if I needed one, I'd also need a new heart. I am thankful that the meds I'm on have been keeping me stable for the last few years, and the fact that I am doing rehab makes me feel like I may never need a transplant at all. Of course, things can change rapidly in the world of pulmonary hypertension. I may feel pretty good now, but who knows what could happen in the next few months. I don't think about that, though! I just know that I'm doing well now, and that's all I need to know! I'm glad that it was just a dream, but I hope that it wasn't a premonition of anything to come!

Saturday, January 29, 2011

How Smart Am I?

Yesterday I didn't feel like getting up, but since the oxygen guy and the FedEx lady were showing up at some point, I figured staying in bed all morning wasn't going to work. I struggled to stay awake after getting dressed and having some breakfast. I think I'm fighting something off. Grrrr. The oxygen guy showed up and took his time filling the 2 big tanks, and a couple hours later, the nice FedEx lady came with my new phone. I was so tired by that point that all I did was open the package, take out the phone and put it in the wall to charge while I went to nap!

A couple hours later, I turned the phone on and followed the directions on how to set some things up. The sounds were fascinating, but oh my word, everything seemed overwhelming! I started playing around with it and got confused on some things. Luckily, there are Youtube videos out there to view, and some of them have helped me set up stuff. But I certainly have a lot to play around with and discover. Somehow this new smartphone is making me feel a bit dumb, but I'm hoping that'll change soon! lol

The best part about the phone so far is the game Angry Birds. I kept seeing Facebook posts from friends about the game in the past couple months, and when I saw it's a free app in the Android market, I got it! It is addicting!! There are a TON of other apps out there that I haven't even begun to explore, so I think I know what'll I'll be doing most of the weekend!

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Thursday's A Bust

When I woke up this morning to the dogs barking next door, I had a feeling that today wasn't going to be all that great. I took my Revatio, and tried so hard to go back to sleep. I laid in bed for another 2 hours, not feeling all that great, but finally dragged myself out of bed because I really wanted to get to rehab. I got all ready to go, got a small package ready for the post office, got out the door, got into my car, aaaaaaaaaand nothing. At least this time Miss Saturn made an effort to turn on, but the battery is once again dead. I really should've just listened to my gut this morning when I knew I didn't feel like going anywhere, but I suppose I wouldn't have known my car wouldn't start until a time when I really really had to be somewhere. I'm just really irritated and frustrated! So on that note, I am going back to bed!

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

One Day At A Time

Things are a bit calmer since I last posted. I'm trying to take it one step at a time in figuring out my dilemma, although I'm still not sure what I'm going to do. I've got some answers that work for me, but now I need to find more, and I'm just wondering whether or not I want to do anything about the entire situation. Sigh.

Healthwise, I'm ok. I've been rather tired lately. I sleep, or oversleep, but just don't feel too rested most of the time. I'm blaming that on the situation I'm dealing with, but also with the winter blahs. I haven't been able to get out of the house since last Thursday. The bitter cold weekend wasn't pleasant, and when I tried to leave yesterday to go to rehab, my car wouldn't start. Thankfully my dad was able to jump the battery last night, so I'm crossing my fingers that I can go to rehab tomorrow!! I have exercised a couple days here this week, which I'm proud of since I don't do it here that often. But I've become such a slug lately. I needed to get on that treadmill and just work out.

Today was finally the day I could upgrade my cellphone, so I will now be taking the dive into the world of smartphones. I ordered a Droid Incredible, and I should be getting it on Friday. I'm a little nervous, considering I have no idea what I'll be able to do with it, but I'm hoping it'll be a good phone. I'll just have to wait and see! I think it's so amazing at what cellphones can do nowadays. They can be little computers!

Technology advances in everything seem to be making the world go faster. I can't imagine what'll be the new technology coming out next. I have embraced most technology, but the one thing I can't seem to get into are the eReaders. I have adored books since I was a child. I can't even begin to guess at how many books I've read since I read my first book, Clifford. I absolutely cannot imagine not having an actual book in my hand, turning the pages as the story unfolds. I think an eReader would just ruin that for me. I don't care if you can do something like use your finger to flip a page electronically. It's not the same!! So that's one technology I don't see myself using unless we just had no choice, and books became obsolete. That would be a very sad time in my view!

Guess it's time I went to bed. I want to make sure I get enough rest so that I can exercise, hopefully with my friends!! I miss being in the outside world!! Winter stinks!

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Stress Is Never A Good Thing

I've been trying to figure something out about a situation I've found myself in, and unfortunately can't describe here. But it's caused some rather unwanted stress, and my physical being and emotional being has been having a hard time handling it. It reminds me of how I felt back in March, like I was floating on Cloud 9 and things seemed to be going so well, and then I was suddenly slammed back down to earth....well, really hell....when Euan died. I'm trying to really find a lot of answers, and I keep praying and asking God for some peace and strength to get me through this. All I know is that I'm constantly tired and not sleeping well, and I'm really just hoping the answers come around very soon. I know stress isn't good for anyone, but when you're living with a chronic illness, stress seems about 100 times worse!!

The Hunter

Mittens often sees little bugs or centipedes or flies or whatever decides to roam around the apartment from time to time, but doesn't do anything to them. He just likes to watch them, and I'm usually the one to kill them. Today I noticed Mittens staring at the kitchen floor intently but I just couldn't see what he was seeing. So I ignored him for about 10 minutes, and when I looked back over, there was this cute little caterpillar inching it's way along the floor! I was rather surprised, since I had no idea how a caterpillar could've gotten in here considering it's the dead of winter and it's absolutely frigid outside. But, there it was, slowly making it's way across the floor. Mittens and I both stared as it began crossing over from the kitchen into the hallway, and I was trying to think of what to do with it. Obviously I couldn't get it and put it outside, since it would certainly freeze! As I was wondering if I should try to put it into a container of some sort, I noticed it inching along the oxygen tubing laying in the hallway, and thought it was cute. Mittens apparently didn't think it was so adorable, and the next thing I knew, he bent over the little caterpillar and picked it up with his mouth! I yelled, and Mittens just dropped it, and walked away. I went over to the little creature, but I just knew Mittens had killed it. I felt terrible for it, and yet oddly proud of Mittens for killing his first live thing. He's never done it before, you know, considering he's an indoor cat! Poor little caterpillar, though. It doesn't get to be a butterfly (or maybe just a moth, I'm not even sure!).

Monday, January 17, 2011


I'm thankful that the winds aren't blowing fiercely at all tonight. The temperature outside is 6F. It's supposed to go down to -1F. The fact that the winds are calm makes it a tad bit better, because it means the house isn't trying to stay warm with winds blowing hard. Tomorrow I have an appt with my PCP, and I'm hoping it won't feel so bad at 2pm when I'm to be there. Tuesday will be near 40F and rainy. I have another appt, so I'm happy it won't be frigid when I need to go! It won't last of course, but even a day break is nice to have!

I haven't been doing too much around here, which isn't all that good. Being lazy has set in, and I feel guilty, but can't seem to snap myself out of it. I did finally force myself to make a bracelet this afternoon for a wedding party I was asked to do. I took a few pics so I could send them to the bride-to-be for her approval so I'd know whether to continue making the rest or if she wanted changes. She loves it! I'll have to work on the rest during the week.

I'm hoping that I can see my two best friends by the end of the week. I haven't seen one of them since June maybe, and the other since September, when she stopped by for 20 minutes to give me a birthday gift before taking off to run errands. It's kinda sad that we can't seem to get together more often, but they both have families, and well, that's the way it goes.

Mandy and her little family are enjoying themselves for several days down in Disney World. It's their first family vacation, and by some of the pics I've seen already, it looks like they are having a blast! It was in the 70s today, and of course I was jealous! I'm happy they were able to get away, though!

Guess it's time to get to bed, since Mittens keeps bugging me for more food. Grrrrr!

And by the way, now it's 2F. Booooo!

Friday, January 14, 2011


I had a totally unexpected bit of good news today that I never would've thought in a million years would ever happen. I won some money from my credit card's Fall paperless billing contest. When I first saw the email, I almost deleted it, but it had named my credit card and the contest, which I remember seeing every time I logged on the site in the last few months. So when I read the email, I was like whaaaaaaaaaaat?? I finished doing the dishes, and then sat down and read it again. Of course, my head was screaming scam, but there was a part of me that said this is probably legit. I contacted the person listed in the email. It wasn't a 1-800 number, and the person who answered didn't sound like they were from India or some other faraway place. The number, in fact, was from the Long Island area. I told her about the email I had just received, and she said that indeed, they had just sent that out to 45 winners of the contest. I told her I was calling to make sure this wasn't a scam, and she said nope and congrats on winning! I have to send some notarized info, because of course, Mr. Tax Man must be involved, but I'm just kinda shocked that this has actually happened. I never win anything!! The funny thing is, that I'm going to put the majority of the money on my other credit card. Figures. lol

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Ok, Now What?

I got to the dentist this afternoon, and was brought back to a room right after I gave the lady my name. After explaining the problem to her, and then telling the same to my dentist when he came in, my gums were examined. My front teeth were tapped with a metal object. I had an xray done of my 4 bottom front teeth. The dentist rechecked my gums, and also checked to see if I grind my teeth or if they still have a good bite. After he looked at the xray, he came back in and said, "Your teeth and gums couldn't be any better." He said the roots of my teeth are strong, and my gums aren't bleeding, aren't swollen, and they aren't red. He didn't know what to tell me, because everything looked good. He had checked under my chin and asked if it bothered me when he pushed there, and I said it was a tad sensitive. So, he suggested I ask my doctor to check my lymph nodes. Since I see her next Monday, I'll ask about it then. I'm hoping maybe it'll just get better because my mouth wasn't as terrible as it has been. Fingers crossed, because I don't want it to be anything serious!

Monday, January 10, 2011


The cold air is settling in again this week, which leaves me stranded at home for the most part. This isn't good because I need some food staples very soon, and I have one roll of toilet paper left!! lol I am hoping maybe tomorrow I can ask my mom to take me to Walmart after she brings me to an unplanned trip to the dentist. About a week after my last cleaning in September, I started having some problems with my lower front teeth. I figured it would just resolve itself, but it didn't. I stopped taking an antibiotic I had been on for almost 9 months for acne, because I thought it was causing the problem since I believe it had also stained the same 4 teeth that are bugging me now (the stain was removed during the last cleaning). I was going to call the dentist last Monday, but my mom suggested using a peroxide/water mix for a few days. I did use it several times a day for the week, but nothing's changed much. I feel like my gums are burning, especially by the end of the day. The thing is, my gums aren't red or swollen, and they aren't bleeding. Nothing hurts, it's just very uncomfortable, and it's bothering me when I talk. So, I reluctantly called this morning to see if I could come in and have it checked. My biggest fear is a root canal, although everyone I've talked to can't see the need for that. My new xrays 3 months ago didn't show anything, and I can't imagine that in 3 months, my teeth just decayed! I'm thinking the worst, of course, but I can't help it. I've never had a huge issue with my teeth since I had braces and a retainer, so many years ago. I pride myself on keeping my teeth clean, and although I wasn't flossing diligently before, I do now. For me to have to go back so soon before my next cleaning is a little unnerving to me!

Friday, January 07, 2011

New Bling!

I checked my email and the tracking code for my new ring this morning, and it said it was in Niagara Falls and was out for delivery. Yay, finally!! When I went to check the mail, the mail lady was just coming to the door, so I opened it up and actually accepted it from her in person. I do love the ring, and I think the sapphire is very pretty, but I must admit that had anyone bought this ring for the original price of about $150, they were totally ripped off. I paid $15 for it, and I think that's about what it's worth, even though it looks like it might cost more. lol But oh well, it's my new bling, and I'll wear it often I'm sure!!

Thursday, January 06, 2011

Touring The Country?

I bought a ring for myself on December 17 last year (seems so funny saying that, last year!). A week later, I got the email that it was going out into the mail, but that it might take some time for the tracking to be updated. In their words, they said the USPS and UPS are slow as turtles in updating their tracking system. They said I might get the ring before it's even updated. I was hoping to have it before the new year, but I didn't even get a tracking update until 2 days ago. The ring made it to Buffalo, according to the tracking, yesterday. So, here I thought, I'll get it today! When I checked the mail, I didn't get anything. Grrrr. So, I checked the tracking again. The ring was off to Rochester, NY. ??????? Is it going for a little tour around the country before it gets here?? Sometimes I don't understand the post office! Rochester is only an hour from here, so I HOPE that maybe I'll get the ring sometime this week!!! Frustrating!!

Saturday, January 01, 2011

Out With The Old, In With The New

A new year has been ushered in, and it's hard to believe that an entire decade of the 2000's is under our belt. Where in the world did 10 years go?? I remember being sick on New Year's in 1999, having to give up plans with my sisters and friends to stay home on the couch with my boyfriend at the time. I fell asleep shortly after 2000 began. And then 10 years whipped by and there I was last night, ringing in the new year by myself on the couch with a bottle of champagne! No, I didn't drink the entire bottle. And I wasn't totally by myself, I was chatting with good phriends in the PH chat room. Not a bad way to celebrate the beginning of 2011!

This past week has been one of the best weeks I've had in a very long time. I can't begin to describe how happy I was to spend time, as short as it was, with my ENTIRE family for a few days. I'm so glad that Lisa was able to come home, and we all really enjoyed our time together. Dinner on Tuesday night was fabulous, opening Christmas gifts and just hanging out watching the kids play on Wednesday night was wonderful, and skipping rehab on Thursday to go to the mall with Lisa and her little family was great! Thursday night at my parents having dinner and watching the little one play was enjoyable as well. I really wish they could've been here longer, but I'm just thankful they were able to come at all. It definitely ended up feeling like Christmas after all!

I have no resolutions for the year. I stopped making them a few years ago. I already exercise, I eat pretty healthy, I'd be stupid if I tried losing weight, there just isn't anything I can think of to resolve myself in doing for the year. If I feel I need to work on something to improve myself or my situation, then I do it as it comes up. I take things one day at a time, living my life and making decisions as best I know how, and I just plan to continue doing that. It seems to work so far!

This first day of the new year, I spent with good friends. I went to Michael's craft store to find some beads with Dee, and then we met Renee and Michelle at Barnes & Noble for coffee. After a few hours, Dee and I left, and we ended up getting dinner. I didn't get home until after 6, and after taking a bath while drinking some lovely champagne, I'm very sleepy! So I am off to bed, but I am so thankful that I had a great week, and good start to the new year. Here's hoping it continues to be a wonderful 2011!!