Sunday, January 30, 2011

Emotional Dream

This morning I woke up from an incredibly emotional dream. It was so vivid, like it had been happening in real time, and the emotions from what was happening felt so real that I was almost crying. I dreamt that I had been evaluated for a lung transplant, and that my time had come to have the surgery. I was saying goodbye to my family, hugging each one for what could've possibly been the last time, and trying not to cry my eyes out. I asked the doctors if we could say a prayer before surgery. I remember holding onto someone's hand before I was knocked out completely from the anesthesia, but I don't remember who that person was. Then the dream seemed to fast forward a tiny bit to after the surgery and I was already recovering so well that I was allowed to go home after a week of being under the knife and getting my new lungs. The first thing I did was go to my parents' house to pick up Mittens, who was so happy to see me he couldn't stop crying and rubbing my legs. I remember when I saw him, the emotion was so strong, it was hard to believe I was only dreaming. And then I woke up.

I am not anywhere near ready for a lung transplant, and if I needed one, I'd also need a new heart. I am thankful that the meds I'm on have been keeping me stable for the last few years, and the fact that I am doing rehab makes me feel like I may never need a transplant at all. Of course, things can change rapidly in the world of pulmonary hypertension. I may feel pretty good now, but who knows what could happen in the next few months. I don't think about that, though! I just know that I'm doing well now, and that's all I need to know! I'm glad that it was just a dream, but I hope that it wasn't a premonition of anything to come!

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