Daily Ponderings

 2021 keeps marching on, and it's still surreal to know my Mom isn't here anymore. To add another punch in the gut to this fucktastic year, my Grandma K, my Mom's mother, died last week. Although Grandma was 98, and lived a pretty full life, I truly believe that the loss of my Mom was too much for her to take. Fourteen weeks to the day my Mom died, on a Tuesday morning, my Grandma died, on a Tuesday evening. She was surrounded by much of her family at home, where she truly wanted to be when she died, after spending weeks in a hospital and a rehab facility. A week after they finally allowed her to go home to be at peace, she went to heaven. I am pretty darn sure that she was greeted by my Mom, my Grandpa K, and so many more who went before her years ago. I am saddened that she is gone, but I am relieved that she is no longer in pain physically or emotionally.   My Dad, Mandy, Lisa and I were able to drive to Horseheads, NY, this past weekend for my Grandma's services. It...

Throughout the year of covid, many drug companies started trying to come up with a vaccine against this deadly new illness. While it usually takes many years, sometimes many decades, to come up with new vaccines and even medications, the first two vaccines for coronavirus were emergency FDA-approved before the new year began. Some people even began to get vaccines in December. Still hard to come by, and with not a true plan in place on how people were to be vaccinated, January brought in a new administration and a new plan. It still has taken some time, but I feel as if more and more people are able to receive a vaccine if they so choose. Because remember, people have a choice about whether or not they want to be vaccinated. And that is ok.  A week before my mom died from covid, I was called by the Niagara County Mental Health department about the Moderna vaccine, and if I would like one. I was shocked, because although people living with comorbidities were able to get a vaccine (g...

 It's almost a year since I last wrote, but it's been over a year since the coronavirus pandemic started. There has been so much loss in this last year. So much. Over 500,000 lives have been lost to this virus in the United States alone, higher than any other country.  And one of those lives gone just recently happened, when my beautiful and wonderful mother passed away earlier this month after complications from covid. It has been absolutely unbearable and soul crushing. And I just don't know how to cope. I am gutted. I am traumatized. And I am in absolute pain.  I miss my mom so much.