Daily Ponderings

The past several days, I haven't felt like myself. While I do laugh and joke with my family and friends, either in person or on the phone, a couple things have been bothering me lately. My father is one of them, because of his non-chalant attitude about his prostate cancer that I can't understand. I'm trying to just "let go" of my worries about it, since there isn't much that I can do but pray that he actually does do something about it after July (he won't do anything until after my sister's wedding, July 29th). I think the stress of the whole situation is really getting to me, and I just can't let that happen. My health will start to deteriorate if I constantly worry about him right now. Another sort of sadness started on Sunday night. I was supposed to be going to a good friend's wedding this coming Saturday. My friends, my sisters, and I have been looking forward to it for months. Not to mention my friend, who just last Thursday was telling...

My parents and I were out on the Boulevard today, picking up bridesmaid dresses, getting my dad's outfit for Lisa's wedding, and eating at Outback (boy was that tasty!). On the way home, we stopped at Mandy's house to drop off her dress, and her in-laws were visiting. We went upstairs to see Hailey and Mandy, and Ron's mom. Hailey was on the floor with Beverly (Ron's mom), and my mom and I said hi to her. When I said "Hi Hailey," she turned around to look at me, gave me this huge smile, and immediately left Beverly to crawl over to me! I just thought that was the cutest thing! She did that the other day when I stopped by to drop something off. She was in the middle of the backyard on a blanket, and when she saw me, she started smiling and crawling toward me. I guess she must really love her Aunt Colleen! :-D

I was quite busy yesterday, that I guess I totally forgot about the date. I usually pay attention to anniversaries, even when they aren't nice ones. Well, April 19th is a date that means alot for several reasons. First of all, it's been 11 years since the Oklahoma City bombing. The only connection I have to that is that Timothy McVeigh used to live about 25 minutes from where I live. April 19th was also the day my Dad got into a bad accident at work, 11 years ago. He is still having complications from it, even after having 2 knee surgeries. Now his doctor is suggesting knee replacement surgery. It seems to never end for him. April 19th is also the day that I had to quit my preschool job, 6 years ago. It sometimes seems like yesterday when that happened, but I realize how much it had to happen. I wouldn't be here today if I had chose to ignore my doctor and kept on working. I'm much better health-wise than I was back then! Money-wise, well that's a different story...

It seems like nothing much has been going on since I last wrote, but really, there has. Maybe it just hasn't been too thrilling to write about. lol Last week I started taking L-arginine. My PH specialist suggested I take it if I wanted to go a more natural route, or I could try Viagra. Yes, I said Viagra! See, I had asked him about adding something to what I've been taking, to give me a little more oompf. I have been doing well on my lung medicine, but there have been times where I've felt I needed just a little something more to give me extra energy. Hence, the Viagra suggestion, or L-arginine. And with everything I've read online so far, L-arginine works in just about the same way Viagra would work. It opens up the blood vessels more, so that more blood can flow through, especially to areas that would need it most. In my case, that would be my lungs. Interestingly enough, when Viagra was first created, it was intended for heart patients. During studies, they discover...

In the past couple weeks, I've felt the money pinch. Well, I always feel the pinch, but some months aren't as bad as others. It's months like this one, where I have to pay an extra bill (water bill, and for one person who doesn't use that much water, it's really high!), plan for a friend's birthday, pay for my car's inspection, and a few unexpected needs along the way that make me stress out completely. And this month isn't as bad as May is going to be! I really hate May, there is toooo much going on in this month that causes me to want to choke financially. I guess the lack of funds makes me feel like I'm destitute. That's not the case. I can pay my bills every month, which is a blessing. I just hardly ever have enough money for myself, to get something I really want. And when I do have money for something, I feel torn about really getting something. For example, I bought 2 bottles of nailpolish today, they weren't even a dollar. Yet...

Well, we drove to Cleveland on Monday morning, despite the fact that I was still feeling sick. I made it through most of my appointments, until the end. I did my 6-minute walk (a regular test for PH patients), and when I was finished, I was so cold that I started shaking uncontrollably when I got back to my parents in the waiting area. After 10 minutes of that, my mom finally went to tell someone. They got me in to see my specialist right away, and he wrote me a script for an antibiotic. I did get to ask him about adding something to my medicines to help me with my PH symptoms, but we didn't really get to talk about much in length. I decided to cancel the appointments I had the next morning, and we left for home Monday night. So the entire trip was kind of a bust, and I wish that I had just cancelled everything. The only ironic thing about the trip was that on my walk, I went 200 meters farther than I did the last time! Go figure! lol Off to bed I go, again!

I am supposed to be leaving in the morning for another round of appointments at the Cleveland Clinic . I've actually been looking forward to it, since I want to ask my PH specialist several things. However, I woke up this morning sick. Yes, that's right, sick!! After spending an entire winter avoiding and narrowly missing colds, I now have one! This really blows! I don't want to cancel my appointments, though. Right now, what I'm feeling is post nasal drip, a slight cough, and I had a small fever earlier (my mom said it wasn't high enough to be a fever, but I had chills, and my forehead was hot!). I've been taking that Mucinex stuff, and some Tylenol for pain. So I guess we'll see how I am tomorrow. I really hate that I am sick now!! But maybe that means I won't get sick again until the fall?? I sure hope so!

My good friend, Monique, is getting married exactly 4 weeks from today! She had a big huge bridal shower a month ago with about 100 women, but today, there were 14 of us. She didn't know where, she didn't know who was going to be there. It was at a cute little place, called The White Linen Tea House. There were many rooms where groups of people (ok, women really, what guy would go for tea?? lol) could sit and have tea and sandwiches, and a variety of desserts. I had never been to a place like this before, and I found it rather nice! It was relaxing, the food was good, and I have fallen in love with scones! I've never had them before! They also had a lot of tea choices to pick, and you get your own pot of hot water to brew whatever you've chosen. I picked vanilla, very tasty! So we all ate, laughed, and enjoyed each other's company! It was a very fun afternoon with my friends!