Tuesday, July 14, 2009

One Long Month


A month ago today we lost Mason, and it still seems like it was yesterday. The pain isn't as unbearable as it was that first week. But I still miss him like crazy. I still see his picture sometimes, and my brain just can't comprehend that I won't be talking to him anymore. And that brings me to tears. It's getting better, but I know it's going to take time.

I'm still trying to keep myself busy. I went back to rehab today, which was a little brutal since I hadn't exercised in a week. I didn't bother going while Lisa was in town last week. I have to pay for another 8 sessions very soon, but unfortunately just don't have the money this month to do it. So I went today, but I won't go Thursday. I'll do the same next week. And if I have to, I just won't go for another week. I can exercise at home, which is good. I just can't give up the rehab because I KNOW myself. I won't exercise at home regularly!!

My hope chest is done, except for the brass pieces that need to be screwed back on. Unfortunately, when my dad was trying to take one of the screws out, it broke, so there is a piece of screw in the hope chest. He's been trying to figure out how to get it out of there without completely ruining it. I think he was working on it last night. I'm not sure what the outcome was, and I'm afraid to call. lol I just can't wait to have it, though. It should be very, very soon!!

I set up Skype on my laptop and my mom's computer, so we can call each other and use the webcams! Lisa and Brandon have a webcam, and Mandy and Ron do, too. So hopefully we'll be able to talk to Lisa and see the baby more! I did talk to her for a bit last night, and she kept putting the baby right up to the camera. It was funny! I miss them already, though. I wish they were just a bit closer. It would be easier to be able to visit more if she wasn't 14 hours away by car.

I'm trying to think to hard of what to write, so I better get off here before I start with gibberish!!

Monday, July 13, 2009

Just A Quick Picture


The last night Lisa was here, the sistores went for coffee with Brandon, the baby, and Lisa's friend, Kat. Kat took a picture of the 4 of us, since it had been so long since we last took a sistore pic! So here we are, from left to right: Mandy, Lisa, me and Joanie. I love you, my sistores!!

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

North Carolina Meets New York

A little Southern baby arrived with his mommy and daddy in Niagara Falls on the 4th of July for a week-long visit, and I can't believe how much he has grown since I met him in March/April! My nephew is just beautiful! He's so much more alert now, and has little smiles and tiny laughs, too. It's amazing how much babies change in just a few short months. Heck, even in a couple weeks! He is really growing well, and that makes me happy!

Our family spent the 4th at Mandy's house for dinner, and it was a lot of fun! Lots of good food was had, stories to share. The best part was seeing how enthralled Mandy's kids were to meet their cousin for the first time! Every time the little guy made some sort of noise, my niece would say "What's the matter with the baby??" It cracked us up! My nephew would give his cousin kisses, which was really cute to see. It'll be neat to watch them all play together when the baby gets a couple years older. I wish we all lived relatively close for them to be together a lot. We left Mandy's, and watched the fireworks down at the park from my backyard. I'm glad I don't have to walk down the street to see them. It's so crowded, but also, just walking down there would get me SOB, even wearing the o2. We had a little crowd of our own, anyway, and it was fun!

Last night my entire family went out to eat at a Greek restaurant in Lewiston called Syro's. There were 12 of us, and it was a really great evening. We were celebrating Mandy's birthday, which was yesterday, and Joan's birthday, which is today. Mandy has hit 30, and Joan is 27! We enjoyed some great food, and then we had a cake brought out that we had bought at Sam's Club. They cut it all up into really huge pieces for all of us, which was nice of them, but holy moly! The cake was a chocolate fudge cake, and it was really rich. I enjoyed it, we all did, but the pieces were just humungous!! We got the waitress to take a few pictures of all of us together, something we haven't done since probably Lisa's wedding. We also exchanged names for Christmas. We decided this year to just buy gifts for one person, and see how it goes. I think it'll end up being a good thing, even though I was kinda not for it at first. But hey, it helps us all with our budgets! Maybe we'll have started a new tradition.

Today I think I'm supposed to be going out with Lisa and Brandon and baby and our dad. Tomorrow night, my mom's making lasagna. Lisa also said she'd help me varnish my hope chest tomorrow, which I'm excited about because it means that very soon I will have it in my house!! I'm sure we might do a couple more things before Lisa and her pack leave on Saturday. It's weird because I feel like I'm not seeing her much since she's staying down at my parents' house now. I no longer have any room for her to stay here! She's also worried about the baby being around Mittens. Not that he would do anything! Oh well, the only good thing is not having to wake up on the middle of the night because the baby is crying!

I'm trying to get myself motivated in making more jewelry. There are a few craft things coming up that Mandy and I are going to participate in, and it would be nice to get my ass in gear to make new stuff!! I don't know why I keep putting it off....I love to play with beads!!

Oh, gotta go, shopping awaits us!

Sunday, July 05, 2009

Who Knew?

When I go through really tough times, I tend to rely heavily on music to help me get through the rough patches. This has been especially true since Mason's death. I've been listening (and crying) to music that reminds me of him, or happens to tell how much he meant to me. I've also been listening to music that he liked, songs he told me about, and songs I tried to get him to like. lol I was listening to my earphones late one night, unable to sleep, and the song "Who Knew?" by Pink came on. I listened to the lyrics, and they just really fit. Who knew that I'd only Mason for 3 short years? If someone could have told me that I wouldn't know him much longer, I'd never believe them. It feels like he has always been there. I think the biggest problem I'm trying to get over is the fact that I had been wanting to tell him for weeks how much he meant to me, and that I loved him as a best friend. I had told him that a long time before, but when he was in the hospital again back in March, and he got back home, I just kept wanting to tell him again. I don't know what stopped me from doing so. Even though I know he knew, and I know how much he cared for me, too, it still hurts like heck that I didn't let him know for sure. But, I know I will meet him again one day, and I will be able to tell him. Right now I'm still just trying to heal.

Pink - Who Knew lyrics

You took my hand, you showed me how
You promised me you'd be around
Uh huh, that's right
I took your words, and I believed
In everything you said to me
Yeah, huh, that's right

If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
Cause they're all wrong
I know better, cause you said forever, and ever
Who Knew?

Remember when we were such fools
And so convinced and just too cool
Oh no, no, no
I wish I could touch you again
I wish I could still call you friend
I'd give anything

When someone said count your blessings now
'Fore there long gone
I guess I just didn't know how
I was all wrong
They knew better, still you said forever, and ever
Who knew?

Yeah, yeah
I'll keep you locked in my head until we meet again
Until we, until we meet again
I won't forget you my friend
What happened?

If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
Cause they're all wrong and
That last kiss
I'll cherish
Until we meet again
And time makes
It harder
I wish I could remember
But I keep
Your memory
You visit me in my sleep
My darling
Who knew?

My darling
My darling
Who knew?
My darling
I miss you
My darling
Who knew?

Who knew?