Sunday, November 02, 2003
Although I've been feeling pretty good physically lately, emotionally I sometimes feel I'm not doing so hot. I've just felt sad the past several days, and it's mainly b/c I feel so lonely. I'm involved in 2 weddings coming up next year, and although I'm very happy for my good friend and my sister, I just keep feeling like it's never going to happen for me. I also keep feeling that there really is only one person I'd really want to be with, and I know that will never happen. We'll always be very good friends, that will never change. And I should be happy that it will be that way, but I just really wish it was more. I can't get him out of my heart. I realize that I feel for him way more than what I've felt for some other guys, like an intense crush that eventually goes away. I don't feel this is a crush, the feelings I've had for him have gone on for years. As hard as I try to push him out of my mind that way, the feeling never changes. And I guess that's why I've been sad lately, is b/c I know that things will never change between us, as much as I wish they would.