March On

It is March already. I find it hard to believe. I have to admit, I've never really been a huge fan of March. Although Spring officially begins during this month, it almost never feels like it when you step outside. So to me, March continues to drag the winter weather out for another 31 days of waiting and hoping that it'll actually stop. For the longest time, March also reminded me of when my Grandpa S. spent almost the entire month in the hospital before he finally died on the 24th. While that is always in my head, it happened 19 years ago this year. I still miss him, that's for sure, but it doesn't hurt as bad as it did back then. If I am able to go to his grave on that day, I will. But usually March doesn't allow me to do that because there's either too much snow or it's too darn cold. So I have to actually wait til maybe April! lol

The end of February was a bit demanding on an emotional aspect for me and my family. I mentioned awhile back that someone I love very much was pretty sick, and well, that person was really sick once again. This time, I finally got the nerve to actually speak up and demand that going to the ER was a must. This person fought against that, but this person was also not too coherent about what was going on, so to me it didn't matter what this person thought. The ER trip led to an admittance, and we were relieved, because maybe things would finally start getting back on track for this person. Although only a few days were required to be in the hospital, I was actually able to have some good, frank conversations with this person. And I honestly feel better about it. I said what has been on my mind for a very long time, I said it without flying off the handle or being bitchy, and what was said was heard and hopefully sunk in. And even in the long run, if nothing changes with this person, at least I gave it my all and tried my best to get them to see things differently. That's much better than keeping my mouth shut and wishing I had said something when it was too late.

I am also trying to figure out what to do about things in my future. I go to the Cleveland Clinic every year, usually around May. Last year I went in June because that happened to work out better in seeing both of my doctors within a day of each other. This year, with stuff going on with the person above, I'm not sure how to get to Cleveland without having to go by myself, and that is something I just won't do. The stress of driving over 3 hours is a lot, because I am not a fan of driving on the highway, even though I do it locally here. I drove to Horseheads over the fall, and coming back by myself, I was completely stressed. So stressed, that it wiped me out physically for an entire week. I do feel healthy, I feel the same as I did a year ago, and nothing major has changed with my health, so I almost wonder if I have to go every year. So I need to make some phone calls to my PH nurse to see what she thinks about me having some tests done here, and results sent to them. Of course, this is a situation that I'll have to deal with every year, about how I'm going to get there. Unless I just decide to end my care there, but I don't feel too comfortable with that. I keep praying for some sort of help with this situation!!

Finding a part time job is another thing weighing my mind down. I feel healthy enough to be working, although probably not full time at this point. I won't go back to teaching, and I'm not even considering tutoring. It's hard to jump back into that field when I've been out of it for almost 13 years. I'm not even really interested in the education field anymore. The problem is, I don't know WHAT I'm interested in doing. lol I may consider seeing if I can get help going back to school for something, or maybe like a training program of some sort, I don't know. It's another thing on my mind, and I'm praying for answers there, too!


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