Friday, December 23, 2016

Empty

I am constantly struggling every day with what I'm DOING every day. And if what I'm doing is worthwhile. I think because I don't have a job, I feel like I'm wasting my time. And yet, my heart knows this isn't true. But my mind is having huge conflicts with this, and I just don't know how to get over it. It's the biggest cause of my anxiety, and some days it's just terrible. I keep telling myself the only person judging me on how I live my life is ME. ME alone!! And there is no reason for that! I am proud of myself for the things that I have found to do to fill many of my days....like exercising, yoga, meditation, volunteering, painting, etc....and yet, I feel like they mean nothing. I tell myself over and over again that my life isn't like anyone else's, and my life is the way it is for a reason. I just wish I could learn not to be so hard on myself. This issue would bother me once in awhile, but it's been awful since breaking up with the ex. My sense of purpose seems to have gone down the drain, even though I have worked so hard in the last year and a half to build and add to my life things that I never did even while I was dating the ex, or before that. I hope and pray every day that I can find ways to learn that MY LIFE IS GOOD NO MATTER WHAT I AM DOING. I repeat it all the time. It's just a matter of believing it that I'm struggling with on a daily basis!!

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