Saturday, January 28, 2006

I got this survey from Mortimer, hope he doesn't mind that I stole it!! hehe

1. Picked flowers from someone else's lawn? I'm sure I did this when I was little, but not recently! Actually, I did steal flowers off the next door neighbor's tree a couple years ago. Mandy made pretty frames with them, they are now in my living room.

2. Cheated on a bf/gf? My friends tell me I didn't, but I still think I did. If it were different circumstances back then, I wouldn't have done what I did.

5. Overheard someone having a conversation with themselves? Oh yes, all the time. That would be my mom. lol

6. Sniffed a permanent marker to get a mini-high? Not to get high, there are times when I like the smell. lol

7. Doubted your sexuality? Nope.

8. Written on bathroom walls? I've written on a couple doors in high school, but it was most likely to correct the English.

9. Stapled your finger? Not that I can remember!

11. Cut your own hair? I remember cutting my hair when I was little, but I also remember cutting my eyelashes. Oooops

12. Been to Disney World? Nope!

13. Return something you already wore? I haven't done that, I feel too guilty.

14 .Climbed a pile of boulders so that you could say "im king of the world?" Umm, no.

15. Thrown up on a roller coaster? I've never been allowed on roller coasters. But watching some of them could make me throw up.

16. Danced in your underwear? Oh I sure have!

17. Danced in your underwear in front of others? Does dancing in your underwear in front of your cat count?

18. Had successful long distance relationship? Nope.

19. Taped a "kick me" sign to someone's back? That is just cruel, no!

20. Ignored the 10 sec rule and ate something off the ground? I have if it's my own house or a relative's house. Not in a restaurant or anything though. I just check for fur when I'm at my house. lol

21. Gotten your tongue stuck to something cold? Not really, not that it's been stuck. My tongue has stuck to ice cubes before, but not for a long time.

22. Been to a fortune teller? No, I'm kind of afraid and skeptic about them.

23 .Believed a fortune teller? See 22.

24. Burnt stuff cause you were bored? Yes, I have. Nothing big though.

25. Stuck gum under a table? I do remember sticking gum under the table a few times, in high school and in college. I don't know why either, I know it's disgusting!

26. Had the same dream more then twice? I've had several more than once, and some of them have been horrible nightmares.

27. Talked to yourself on AIM? Yes, to see what some of the Superbuddies say when I try them out.

28.Gone to the hospital for an injury you got from fireworks? Can't say that I have.

29. Made a truck driver honk? Yes! And I still do sometimes, just for kicks!

30. Seen a UFO? I don't think I have! I could be wrong, though, and I've probably been stared at by little aliens. lol

Monday, January 23, 2006

Lots of Happenings!

Seems like a ton of things are happening lately, at least since last week. Here are some developments!

My father is in the process of being tested for prostate cancer. He was told last Thursday to find a urologist so he can have some biopsies done. His brother had prostate cancer several years ago, was operated on, and is doing fine now since it was caught early. It is a very treatable cancer if it's found early. I'm praying this will be the case for my father if this is what he has. So far, we all seem optimistic about it!

My sister, Lisa, got engaged on Saturday! She went with her boyfriend to the beach for the weekend, and he proposed to her on Sat night as they were watching the sun set. I am very happy for her! Brandon is a really nice guy, and ever since she started seeing him last year, she would talk about him like she was an excited schoolgirl! lol There is no date for the wedding yet, and I don't think there is a rush to have it. I do know that she would like to be married on the beach, so we'll probably be going down to NC for it! That'll be a nice vacation, whenever it happens!

Euan's grandmother passed away last night. I got email from him this morning. I feel really bad, because I know how close he was to her. But sadly, pneumonia took over, and she didn't get better. He did say she was surrounded by her family when she died. Sounds to me like she was definitely loved. Euan said he will hopefully talk to me again online soon.

I am having horrendous issues with the new Medicare D prescription plan. Although my new insurance card went through, it's showing that I have a $250 deductible. Since I am on Medicare and Medicaid, meaning that I'm poor as dirt, I don't have a deductible, and my copays are between $1-5 for my prescriptions. I've been on the phone for most of Friday and today trying to figure out all of this stuff out!! The thing that worries me most is not being able to get my lung medicine on time because of all this! Right now I am being told to cut my dosage in half, to make the medicine last a bit longer. This is just so frustrating!!!

I had a day of energy today! I woke up at 9:15, and took apart my bed to wash everything. I ended up doing 4 loads of laundry (I'm now completely out of detergent), put my bed back together, laid out a necklace pattern, and spent a lot of time on the phone trying to fix things (which weren't fixed!). It's been a busy day, and I am a little tired. But days like these don't come around too often, so I was happy to be able to do so much!!

I guess that's about all for now on my end. The weather is a tad bit cooler today than yesterday, but still, it's like 40 out. Last year at this time, it was in the single digits! Anyhow, I'm off to take a well deserved nap!



Wednesday, January 18, 2006

It's Baaaaaaaaack!!



Well, American Idol's new season started last night. I had to tape it since I tutor, but I watched it earlier today, and it was funny! I seriously find it hard to believe that some people think they are so good. In reality, they are horrible!! There were some really talented people though, and I'm glad to see that this year will have variety again! And that was just in watching the first city's auditions! I hope it will be a good show this season!!

Love of A Child



I have such love for this little one! My niece has made so many people happy since she was born. I love listening to her babble in the background while I'm on the phone with my sister. Her smile (even though she doesn't have one here) is so infectious! I wish I could share all the pics I have of her, but I don't have enough room in my journal. lol This one is from Christmas eve, but by the time we got to taking pics, she was ready to call it a night! :)

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Childish Behavior

Every morning, I have a routine of things I do when I'm on the computer. I check my mail, I read the news around the nation and the world, I go to a variety of websites to check up on different things. One site I go to constantly is the PHA site. I read the message boards at least 3 times a day. The people who post have sort of become my PH family. I will never meet any of them since they are all over the country, but I feel like they are people I care and prayer for every day since they have PH like I do.

So this morning, I started reading posts in regards to a post from a person who came back to the boards after a couple of years. I am vaguely familiar with her, but I don't know her past very much. All I do know is that she came back to PHA for support. And then I started reading one-lined comments from a particular person who apparently isn't at all thrilled that this person came back. The comments were rude and uncalled for, especially since this is a public board, and we all can see them. This in turn made other people call the rude person names, and vice versa. I was really disgusted!

I wrote a separate post of how disgusted and saddened I really was about the whole thing. We are all on the PH boards for one thing: support! None of us are there to be bashed for whatever remarks we make. We are not in grade school! We are supposed to be grown ups who should know better and should be treating each other with respect.

This is not to say that we all agree completely with each other. There are things that I have read that I don't agree with. There are people who have posted that they don't agree with something, but they are tactful about it. That is what I would have hoped the rude person would have done at least. Actually, she should have just kept her mouth shut!

All this leads to the old saying: If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all. I sure hope the "rude" person is able to do that after reading the uproar she caused on the boards!

Monday, January 16, 2006

A Cold Weekend!

Well, my weekend didn't go exactly as I had hoped, but that's ok I guess. Friday night was fun at my friend's house. I ordered a pair of sconces to go in the hallway right outside my bedroom. Now all I need to find is a large picture of something. I don't know what yet! I think I'll know it when I find it. I hope.

Saturday I was supposed to hang out with Euan. I had talked to him briefly Friday afternoon after not talking with him for almost 2 weeks. He finally had his internet back up after moving all his stuff into his new office. I didn't get a chance to ask him about Saturday, so I called and left a message. I didn't hear from him until last night, when I got an email from him saying that his grandmother is very ill with pneumonia, and is not doing well. I feel so bad, because here again I was thinking some not-so-nice things since I hadn't heard from him, and now I know why. Anyway, we did chat for a bit last night online. He said he had been looking forward to hanging out, but then his grandmother got sick. I know he's very close to her. So I'm just praying she will get better soon!

Yesterday was COLD. We went from close to 60 degree weather on Friday, to only 16 degrees yesterday. Which is really what winter is all about. I actually would rather have the cold days, instead of days when I think spring is around the corner, and it really isn't! Today is cold, too, but tomorrow it's supposed to be near 40 again. I am really shocked that I'm not sick by all this! lol

Yesterday I decided to put some old bank statements through the shredder. I am a saver, and I had a huge pile of them, starting in 1999. I know, it's ridiculous! Anyway, as I was shredding, I got really sad. I saw how much money I used to have before I had to quit my job in 2001. I don't often complain about having PH, or how I feel about having it. But I have to say that this was one time that I really felt sad about having a disease that can wreak havoc on your life. I went from having a large amount of money saved in my bank account, to barely having $100 saved. I used to be able to pay for everything I bought with cash, and now I can barely do so. There are times when I don't even have money by the middle of the month. It just makes me upset that I can't work, at least not in the capacity that I could before. I am glad that I do have enough money to pay my bills. I just wish I had enough to buy all the things I need, and to not go without when I can't afford something. That is the one thing about having PH that does bother me the most.

Well, enough of the pity party. lol What I AM grateful for is the fact that I'm still here after 30 years of living with this disease. I thank God for every day I have! Money troubles may get me down once in a while, but I do have a lot to be thankful for. :)

So anyhow, that was my weekend. I am off to exercise now. That is another thing that I am grateful that I can do after years of not being able to! I could seriously see myself as an exercise addict if I didn't have PH. lol

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

What Month Am I In??

Ok, so it's January 2006. I know this. But apparently, Mother Nature doesn't know this??

It's 55 degrees outside.

Tomorrow is supposed to be like 50, and Friday is supposed to be around the same. What is going on???

I, for one, do no mind this warmer weather. However, it makes you think spring is right around the corner. And it isn't!! I honestly think I'd appreciate this weather more of I knew it was going to get steadily warmer. As if spring is coming!!

All I did today to try and enjoy this weather was go outside for a few minutes to pick up the collection of Metros piling up on my front porch. I guess my Please Use Side Door sign isn't big enough to see! I also turned down the heat! It hasn't gone on all afternoon, which is nice, but I am a tad bit chilly. It should be going back on at 5pm anyway. I'll have some heat then.

My sister, Joan, is coming over for dinner tonight. I made tacos last night, and then didn't feel like eating. I did eat one, but that's all I could handle. I don't know why either! So I have a lot of meat left, and I don't really feel like eating tacos for a week, so I thought I'd ask her to come over! I haven't spent time with her since New Year's eve/New Year's. So this should be nice!

Not much else has been going on around here. I feel like I'm in a little funk. My mood hasn't been all that upbeat for some reason. I'm hoping to break out of that feeling soon. Maybe it's been the lack of sun, I don't know. I'm sure that's one reason!

I have a busy three nights coming up. Tomorrow night I'm going over to a friend's house to celebrate his birthday. He's 28, the youngin'. lol I met him many moons ago in a different time, and although we don't keep in touch as much as we did back then, I still care for him a lot. His wife is actually the one who IMs me all the time. So it'll be fun hanging out! Friday night is girls' night/home party at Mo's house. I'm looking forward to that, too, even though I'm not sure I can afford anything. We'll see, I guess!

Saturday, I am supposed to be hanging out with Euan. I'm pretty sure we still are, it's just that I haven't heard from him since the night before New Year's Eve. He's been moving his office stuff to a new office, so he hasn't really had computer access the past couple weeks. Or maybe he has, who knows? I know he's looking forward to Saturday, because he told me so a couple times after we had met in December. So here's hoping we really do get together! lol

Well, guess that's the latest for now. Not too much to report, I know.

Friday, January 06, 2006

AOLHell, Who??

Sunday afternoon, I signed up for Netzero. While I'm still getting used to it, I am so glad that I am finally making a change from AOL. I haven't cancelled AOL yet, but I am planning on doing it very soon! I wanted to make sure everything was ok on Netzero, and learn how it worked before I can the other program. And so far, I don't think it's too bad. All Netzero does is get you online. At a much cheaper price than AOL. So far, my computer hasn't crashed. I haven't been booted. I am getting to all the websites I used to frequent much easier than I had before. Change is goooood. lol

I find it sad that when I do want to check my AOL mail, I can't reply to anything on aol.com. I don't understand why!! So I just read the email, and if I have to respond to someone, I use my netzero email addy. Hopefully people will stop emailing me at AOL! I did send out a massive email to friends and family that I switched over. So hopefully soon most of them will use that address.

So good bye, AOL! It's been fun! Well, not really!!! LOL

Thursday, January 05, 2006

A Stolen Quiz! Thanks Mort!!


1. What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before? I started a support group for Pulmonary Hypertension.

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year? My main resolution for 2005 was to meet Euan by the end of the year. We cut it close by meeting on Dec. 27th, but at least we finally did! Yes, I have made a couple resolutions for 2006-exercise and creating a website for jewelry. So far, I'm getting the exercise back in gear!

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Yes! My best friend, Erin, gave birth right at the beginning of 2005. And my sister, Mandy, gave birth in June. I became an aunt twice in one year! :)

4. Did anyone close to you die? Erin's father passed away this year.

5. What countries did you visit? I think I went to Canada a couple times, but that's no biggie. lol

6. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005? I'd like to have a boyfriend, and a cure for PH.

7. What dates from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? The days Sydney and Hailey were born. I felt so much love for them the first time I met them, and so much love for Erin and Mandy for having them. :)

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? That would have to be getting the support group together.

9. What was your biggest failure? Not writing a story, yet again.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? I got a couple colds in 2005, but nothing serious. The worst injury was when I somehow sprained my neck after waking up in the summer of last year. Gosh, that was horrible!

11. What was the best thing you bought? Hmm, I don't really get to buy myself stuff since I don't have the money. But I'd have to say at the moment, I love the new CD walkman I bought with money I got for Christmas. Oh, and my Sideways DVD!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? No one that I can think of at the moment, surprisingly.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? There are a couple people whose behavior I was shocked at, but I can't really say who they are here.

14. Where did most of your money go? Do you really have to ask? Fashion, dahling!

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? I was really looking forward to Mandy having a baby.

16. What song will always remind you of 2005? Any of Mariah Carey's new songs. She really had a big comeback this year.

17. Compared to this time last year, you are: Still struggling to get by financially, even with a bigger "raise" than expected in my disability check.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of? More reading, I didn't read as much as I usually do.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Stressing about my money issues.

20. How will you be spending Christmas? Well, I spent Christmas with my family at my parents' house down the street.

21. How would you rather be spending Christmas? I spent Christmas how I always love to, with my family. :)

22. Did you fall in love in 2005? Nope, I really didn't bother with men in 2005. lol

23. How many one-night stands? Nope, not in 2005.

24. What was your favoriteTV program? I have quite a few, but one new program that I really got into was Medium.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? Hate is such a strong word. But the answer is no.

26. What was the best book you read? The 6th Harry Potter book, can't wait til the 7th one comes out!!

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? That would be The Killers, I like a lot of the songs I've heard.

28. What did you want and get? I wanted my sister to have a healthy and safe pregnancy, and she did!

29. What did you want and not get? I wanted somehow to get more money, but I didn't get as much as I wanted. lol

30. What was your favorite film of this year? The Chronicles of Narnia, I started watching it in 2005, and it ended in 2006. lol

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I had a birthday party at my parents' house with most of my friends, and I turned 30!!

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Only one thing? I guess I would have to say I wish the armed forces in Iraq could have come home to their families.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005? I pretty much stuck with my usual colors of black, red, white, some blues. I also stuck with jeans. This year I really got into tank tops during the summer. And I tried to accessorize with my jewelry!

34. What kept you sane? My friends, my family, my little nieces. The love I have for everyone close around me. And my cat.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Gwen Stefani, I just love her.

36. What political issue stirred you the most? The war.

37.Who did you miss? I always miss my sister, Lisa. Since she moved to North Carolina a few years ago, we see her only a couple times a year. I wish traveling was easier for me. I'd go see her more often if I could!

38. Who was the best new person you met? Well, I think I'll answer this question this way: I got 2 separate circle of friends to meet together this year, and now we like to hang out a lot. It's been a lot of fun!

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005: People with similar health concerns are a great support to each other. I have truly found this out by starting my support group, and on the message boards on PHA.

Monday, January 02, 2006

Busting My Butt!

I am amazed at how much I have gotten accomplished today. Of course, this probably means that tomorrow, I will be exhausted. So while I'm happy with getting so much dumb, my dumb ass will pay for it tomorrow! Well, I really hope not!

After chatting with a friend for almost an hour, I finally exercised. I walked only half a mile today, but that's pretty darn good considering how long it's been since I was on the treadmill last! I did all my stretches and weight-lifting at a slow pace, and then I finally finished. And it felt good!

And it apparently gave me some needed energy, because I then proceeded to take down all my Christmas decorations! The entire process took me about an hour and a half, since I really tried to pace myself. I know I probably should have let someone come over and help me, but I'm a hard-headed Virgo, and I wanted to do it myself. I took the Christmas tree down bit by bit, rested in between when I needed to, but I got it done! The most exciting part was putting up the things I got for Christmas! I have a beautiful nesting doll set, with a total of 10 wooden dolls. The last 2 look so tiny! I got a nice candle set from Pier 1 from a friend. I have the snowglobe set out from Euan. Plus, I have all my snowmen candles and figures around the living room. I love snowmen, and it's nice that they don't have to be put away until the end of winter! I also dusted the living room. So needless to say, I got a lot done!! I drew the line on the vacuum, though. There are needles from the tree on the rug, and Mittens fur where he went behind the tree is also strewn about. Perhaps I'll vacuum tomorrow, or another time, because if I did it today, I really would hate myself!

Well, now that I've sat down for 15 minutes, I think I need a nap!! lol

There's No Place Like Home

Seven years ago today, I moved up the street from my parents' house into my apartment. I know, I didn't move all that far away, but still, it was a huge step for me. And ever since living here, I have gone through so many changes.

I learned how to live alone, and how to enjoy the freedoms that came with living alone. I also learned how living alone can also be lonely at times. Until I got my cat. And my many betta fish.

I learned the meaning of struggling with the bills, especially after I had to quit my job a little over a year after living here. I dreaded the thought of possibly moving back into my parents' home, but after downsizing and refiguring some payments, I am just barely squeaking by every month. At least I do have a roof over my head!

I learned to accept help. For the longest time, I felt terrible if someone wanted to pay for something for me, or offer to get something that I needed but couldn't afford. Now I just don't say anything but thank you, for I learned that arguing just doesn't cut it anymore. I also finally learned to accept the fact that I wouldn't be eating if I wasn't on food stamps. I was very embarrassed at first to be on them, but now I know that there is just no money for me to buy food if I wasn't.

I lost a best friend a couple years after moving here. After over 25 years of friendship, I came to realize how truly a selfish person she really is. I think seeing me get so sick was a little too much for her to handle, and she became increasingly hard to reach. That being said, I still miss her sometimes. I remember the times we shared, the things we used to do together, the nights out at our favorite bars where we just had the best of times. But even though I lost her, I gained so many good friends in return. I have a great group of friends who understand that when I don't feel good, I can't do something, and they don't put that against me. I love them all so dearly, they really do mean a lot to me!

I've also had some really wonderful times while living here. There have been parties, or just gatherings, which were a lot of fun. Every time Lisa comes home to visit, she stays with me, and I truly am happy when she is here. I know there are times when I don't act like it (she'd say I'm nuts for turning off all the lights she keeps on, or thinking that something has to be a certain way), but I really love it when she's here. I've had some fun times with friends or family just coming over to hang out. It really makes me feel like this is truly my home.

I still wonder what this year will bring, but I know one thing for sure. No matter what happens this year, my apartment is the one place I love to be. It is my home, my comfort zone. Who knows if I'll have another 7 years here, but I at least know that no matter what, I've been happy here.

Sunday, January 01, 2006

A New Year!


Today is the first day of 2006! I find it so hard to believe that half a decade has gone by. Why is it that time seems to fly when you get older? At least it seems that way to me! So, now that I'm facing a new year, I have some goals in mind, and also some hopes. Here they are, in no particular order!

*I have a goal to get back into exercising like I was doing 2 years ago. No more of this on and off stuff! I hope to walk almost every day, even if it's only for a short amount of time. Any time is better than no time walking, and I got into the habit if not doing anything at all for the past couple months! Bad!!

*I have a goal to create a website for my jewelry. I am told this is not hard, which is nice. My only problem is not having a digital camera, so trying to borrow someone's might be the most difficult part! But I have the winter (this is a winter goal, actually, not an end-of-the-year goal!), so hopefully I'll get it done!!

*I have a goal to continue to bring about awareness of PH, to the people in my commuity and beyond. I hope to continue having support group meetings here, and I am hoping that those who participate would like to also be involved in perhaps a fundraiser of some sort. I am also hoping that 2006 is the year that there will be a cure for PH!

*I have hopes of a new relationship, whether it be with Euan or someone else. I don't make a big deal out of this one, though. If something happens, it happens. If not, well then maybe in 2007! I am happy with my life, and spending time with family and friends. Having someone in my life, to me, would be a bonus, not a necessity.

*I still have hopes that maybe I'll publish something. Which is silly to say since I haven't written anything other than journal entries for months now. But who knows, I go through stages where I want to write, so maybe I'll be inspired this year.

*I have hopes that all the soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan will return home this year to their families and friends. While I know that I can't directly bring them hope, I can pray that they will get to come home very soon! It's about time they do come home.

I have many other hopes, but those are the ones I'd really like to see happen in 2006. I wish everyone who has hopes and dreams for this new year much success on whatever they are. I hope this year is a great one!