Sunday, February 26, 2006

Oh, Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuudge!

Ralphie and Randy's father died today. Ok, so actually it was Darren McGavin, but I will forever remember him as the foul-mouthed father in A Christmas Story. That movie is one of my all-time favorites! I'm sure there are a lot of people out there who love it, too. And also ones who despise it! LOL Anyway, Darren was 83 years old, and he died of natural causes. He was in many other movies besides A Christmas Story, but he'll probably be remembered most for the role he played in this film. Mainly because it will forever be played for 24 hours on TNT on Christmas!!

Saturday, February 25, 2006


I had a dream last night that I can't quite explain. It was one of those very vivid ones, and I almost felt like I was actually right there as it was happening. Like I was actually awake and feeling the events taking place.

I dreamed that my family and my dad's family were in Horseheads, NY, in the front yard of my grandma's house. This doesn't really make sense, since my dad's family lives in Michigan. Anyway, we were all trying to take pictures before saying goodbye. Why we were gathered together, I don't really know. While taking pictures, I spotted a little baby fawn in the grass, and it was very friendly. It let me come over to it, and I was talking to it quietly. It had such soft brown fur, and white little markings all over. It's eyes were wide and the deepest black. It was the cutest thing, and when I pet it, I actually felt like I could feel it's soft fur.

Suddenly out of nowhere comes this huge gigantic weird plane, which then turned into a big crane that was lowering slowly to the ground. There were men in uniform with big guns, and the next thing I knew, they were shooting at the baby fawn, who had somehow gone way down the driveway. I was trying to run to the fawn, and I was sreaming "NOOOOO" as loud as I could to the men shooting, but suddenly, one of them hit the fawn, and it went flying into the air, and it hit a tree. I began crying so hard, and I actually felt like I was crying outside my dream. I continued to run to find the fawn, but all of a sudden, the fawn was running back my way with another fawn behind it! The fawn I met saw me and started running my way, and I kept encouraging it to hurry. The men were watching and still aiming their guns toward both fawns now, but no one was shooting because I was there. Finally, the fawns got to where I was, and my family came over to help move them closer to the house to shelter them.

All I remember after that is caring for the fawns for the rest of the day. They were such beautiful creatures, and they were not afraid of us. I also remember using all my film to take pictures of the fawns, and I got none of my family. Then we let the fawns go when they were ready to leave. I had no idea where the men in uniform had gone, but all I knew is that the fawns were now safe.

I have no idea what made me dream this dream. It just made me feel sad when I woke up this morning, even though the fawns were ok. I think it's because I actually felt like I was in the dream, that I was bawling my eyes out for real when the fawn was hit by gunfire. I'm assuming that stress could be the cause for the dream. And maybe the fawns represent two people that I'm really worried about right now. Who knows? All I know is that I had to get this dream written down (or typed, in this case). I'd rather not dream it again, though!

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

American Idol

In my old AOL journal, I posted after almost every American Idol show last season. I love this show, and have been a fan since the first season. That being said, I won't be posting about all the episodes. I think I might have bored some readers, even though this is my journal, and it shouldn't matter what I post. Actually, after going through all my old posts when I was copying and pasting them over to this journal, I bored myself. lol

The only comment I have to make is that from the first performance of Paris Bennett, which was her audition, I knew right away I wanted her to be the American Idol! She's only 17, and she acts much older than that. She is a cute, tiny thing, with a lot of spunk when she sings. There is something about her voice that I absolutely lvoe. Her performance tonight reminded me a lot of Fantasia, another contestant I knew from the beginning I wanted to win, and she did. So, we'll see if Paris can make it all the way to the end. I certainly hope she does! And if not, I definitely see her making it big anyway!

The guys perform tomorrow. I have maybe one guy who I really like. I hope they are good tomorrow night, so I can pick at least a couple other guys I'd like to root for!

And just a little side note, I'm not sure if she'll make it far, but Becky O'Dononhue graduated from my alma mater,
Niagara University! She is a twin, and both of them went there with full scholarships because of their skills in playing basketball. What I am most impressed with about Becky, is that in her interviews on American Idol, she has mentioned Niagara several times, and how proud she is graduating from there. Way to go, girl!

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Men *rolling eyes*

I haven't heard from Euan in a couple weeks. Maybe it's been more than that, I can't remember exactly. And it's frustrating. I really thought maybe something could work out between the two of us, but I'm now realizing that it must not have been meant to be.

But at the same time, I still want to be a friend. I know he has been going through a very rough time with his grandmother dying in January. He was extremely close to her. So close that he was asked to write and give her eulogy at her funeral. I totally understand that he really needs and wants some time right now. But not to communicate in any way is something I just don't understand. And it leads me to worry that something else might be wrong. Maybe he's sick? That could always be a possibility, since his health can be as fragile as mine. Or maybe his big project that he's been working on for months now is finally at the finishing point? That would be very exciting! But to not email me or return a call from me? What is up with that???

Anyhow, because of all the aggravation, I put my profile back up on Yahoo personals last Sunday. Five days later, I took it back down. I did it for several reasons, one of them being that I really just wasn't into it. I got many interests, quite a few of them wanting to know more about my health. I had updated my profile to include the fact that I wear oxygen, and have a lung condition. I did it because when I had it up before, and I would talk to someone, most of the time I wouldn't hear from him again after I described my health situation. So I included it, figuring I'm just going to be open and honest. Anyway, another reason I took my profile back down was because I was getting interests again from men in their 40s, 50s, one even in their 60s. Umm, yuck!! Also, many of them have children, several of them having their children full time. While I love children very much, I just don't want to be in a relationship with someone who has them. So after 5 days, I just decided to put the profile back in hiding again.

Maybe at some point, I'll want to try again. Right now I am just frustrated, aggravated, and really disappointed with the fact that Euan isn't even responding to me in any way right now. I truly hope something isn't wrong.

Sunday, February 19, 2006

Complete Ignorance

I was just reading an article about a 24yr old lawyer who decided to decline a job offer through email. The supposed-employer emailed her back his disappointment, which led to another email from her, another from him, and finally a rather childish email from her saying "blah blah blah."

While this doesn't make me mad (I feel bad for her, actually, how stupid can you be??), what makes me mad is a comment later on in the article referring to email gaffes. It gives several examples of stupidity in what was said in emails by "high officials." One of them was from the executive of the drug company that made the banned weight-loss treatment Phen-Fen e-mailing, "Do I have to look forward to spending my waning years writing checks to fat people worried about a silly lung problem?"

While the average person reading the article probably doesn't have a clue what that "silly lung problem" is, I do. That "silly lung problem" is pulmonary hypertension. That "silly lung problem" has caused grief to so many people, not even including those people who took Phen Fen for years. That "silly lung problem" is a death sentence to those who are not diagnosed, or diagnosed at an extremely late stage. I am so outraged at the ignorance of this man, who has no idea what this drug has done to many of the people who took it to try to lose weight. Not only are these people now dealing with this "silly lung problem," but many of them have been ridiculed and belittled by doctors who only think their "silly lung problem" is because they are overweight. Yes, I said doctors. There are quite a few people with PH who got the run around from doctors for years before they were officially diagnosed, being told "Oh just lose a couple pounds, you'll be fine." How insensitive can you get??

Ugh, I am just so mad and aggravated right at this moment, from comments made from an idiot, probably several years ago. The only thing that gives me any sort of comfort or happiness is the fact that thousands of people have sued the makers of Phen Fen because of the myriad of problems it has caused, including that "silly lung problem." And they are winning!!

Thursday, February 16, 2006

The Results Are In...

My father has prostate cancer. Now while this isn't the best news, it's not devastating, either. He had 6 biopsies done yesterday, and out of the 6, only one came back with cancerous cells. Which, to me, isn't so bad. He is supposed to go to his doctor on Friday to go over the results, and to find out what the next step will be. As far as I know, he'll probably have surgery. But I can't exactly say for sure. All I know is that it isn't as bad as it could be. And prostate cancer is very curable when it is detected early, so I have high hopes that my father will be ok.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Just Some Updates!

Geesh, how time does fly! I thought I had posted a lot sooner than last week, but I guess not. So, here are some updates!

*Friday: I spent a lot of the day sleeping and relaxing because I thought I was getting sick. But I guess I wasn't! My best friend, Eve, came home last weekend for her son's birthday. So we went to dinner on Friday night, and hung out at my house until my other best friend, Erin, called to see if we still wanted to go out. Of course we did! So we went to Shadow, the martini bar that we love. And it was a lot of fun! Erin had to go home about an hour and a half after we got there, but Eve and I stayed until closing. Which was at 3am. We didn't get back to my house until almost 3:30, and then I didn't go to bed until almost 5. I haven't done that in a looooooong time. However, with all the sleep I got Friday, I woke up around 10am on Saturday, and wasn't at all tired! Go figure!

*Saturday: As much as I wasn't tired, I spent the day inside, and did practically nothing. I did take cat naps, finished reading my book, and spent time on the computer. That was about it.

*Sunday: Eve's son, Brandon (my godson), had his birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese. He turned 5, which I can't believe! Time flies! Anyway, Erin and I were invited, as well as Erin's daughter, Sydney. She is one. It was a fun time, especially because I was with my two best friends, and their kids! Brandon wanted to go home immediately after he opened all his gifts, which is sooo unusual for a child. At least I think so anyway! We got home in the late afternoon, and I spent the rest of the day relaxing once again.

*Monday: I went out to Walmart and Target looking for Valentine's Day stuff for my sisters, Hailey, and Erin and Sydney. Walmart's Valentine aisle was a complete war zone, and I'm surprised I got out of there alive! I managed to get a variety of items, and then went off to Target to get a few more things. So that was good!

*Tuesday: Happy Valentine's Day! I was slacking a lot yesterday for most of the morning, but then I got myself in gear. I had a great workout, although I think I overdid something since my left leg near my hip hurts to walk. Ugh! I made homemade Valentine's, which took quite a while since I couldn't find the right clip art for some people that I wanted to use! But they turned out nice! My parents took my sister, Joan, and I out to dinner. We stopped at Mandy's house first, to give them Valentine's and to see Hailey. Then we ate at a buffet, which I think should be illegal! lol I was so stuffed by the time I got home, I just wanted to go right to bed!

So that's the update. Today I need to get stuff together for tutoring tonight. I am trying to help a little kindergartener learn his site words, counting, writing, etc. I worked with him last Wednesday, and boy is he a little stubborn thing. lol He didn't want to do anything, and I only worked with him for about 40 minutes. So we'll see how today goes!

Oh yes, my father had his biopsy yesterday. He will find out today or tomorrow at the latest whether he has prostate cancer or not. And if he does, what they will do for it. I hear it's very treatable if found early, which, if that's the case, it was detected early. So all I can do is wait and see, and pray that things will turn out ok!

Guess I better be off now, I need to shower and make my Bingo boards for tutoring!

Wednesday, February 08, 2006


It worked! I don't like the little white box around them, but oh well, what can ya do?? At least I can see them!
Ladies Night Out <-----Girls' night out!
Boys Night Out <-----Boys' night out! Teehee!!

Testing, testing

Kitty 4 Smile

I downloaded smileys this morning from Smiley Central. I kept seeing the banner ads for them in several different places, and I thought they were cute! I'm just testing them here, crossing my fingers that they work!

Three Little Words

I thought I'd write about three little words next week when it's Valentine's Day. But then I thought, these words don't have to just be said or heard one day out of the year. And they aren't necessarily meant just for significant others.

I love you.

These three little words are not often said enough to people. And I have come to realize that I don't say them often enough to the people I most love and cherish in this world: my family and my friends.

I've been trying to say I love you more to my family, especially. Like yesterday, when I was saying goodbye to my mom out the door after an afternoon of grocery shopping and spending time together. I opened the door again to yell out I love you before she got back into the van. And she turned around, smiled, and said I love you, too.

I know my family knows how much I love them. My friends know how much I truly care for them, but I never say that I love them. Why is that so awkward to say? I really don't hear anyone around me saying those three little words to the people they are with. Maybe it's an effort I'll have to make, although it might be a challenge, too. I really do love my friends a lot, they mean so much to me! So in this time and season of love coming up, I want them all to know that I love them, too!

Sunday, February 05, 2006

Disappointing Sunday, Sort Of

I was supposed to hang out with Euan this afternoon. He had asked me last Monday about going to a movie or something this weekend. And when I talked to him last, on Wednesday, he told me he was really looking forward to getting together. I had a feeling I wouldn't be seeing him when I didn't hear from him since then. I finally got email from him this afternoon. He said he felt bad, but he didn't think he could make it for today to hang out. He is still having a rough time dealing with his grandmother's death, which was 2 weeks ago today. I feel bad for him, but I totally understand how it is when you lose someone you love. When my grandfather died, it took me years before I stopped crying every year on the anniversary of his death. My only small complaint is that I wish he could have called me to let me know he didn't feel up to hanging out. I spent half the day wondering if I'd hear from him, and then got his email in the afternoon. But at least I heard from him, I guess. It's better than not hearing from him at all.

I sort of feel like I'm being the most extremely patient person ever when it comes to Euan. It took almost 2 years for us to meet, and now it seems like it'll take another year for us to get together again. lol I feel like I'm being really unfair right now, though, because his grandmother really meant a awful lot to him. I know I need to give him time for him to deal with the loss of her, but at the same time, I really want to see him again. It's all so rather frustrating! I feel like I'm waiting and waiting, and I'm hoping that all my waiting won't be for nothing.

Although I didn't do what I originally wanted today, I did get a few things done around here. I finally cleaned all the fish bowls. I think the fish were going to stage a protest if I didn't soon. lol I also did some dishes. I read quite a bit of my book before falling asleep, and I chatted with my sister, Mandy. My poor little niece is sick, along with her mother. Hopefully they'll be better soon! I'm not into football at all, so any Superbowl activities were out for me. I am waiting to watch Strong Medicine on Lifetime, since it's the series finale. I'm sad that the show is ending!! So that's been my Sunday. I got a few things accomplished at least, so I'm happy about that!

Well, off to watch tv! :)

It's Official......


I called AOL this afternoon, ready to cancel my account. It really wasn't too bad. The guy on the other end of the phone kept trying to tell me this, and tell me that, so I would hopefully keep my account. When he told me that I could keep AOL for 4.95 a month, so I would have their virus scan software, etc, to keep my computer protected, I finally told him this:

"Sir, no offense, but I don't want to have anything to do with AOL anymore."

He kind of laughed and said he was sorry to hear that. He did tell me that AOL now allows you to keep your screen name for use on, so although I'm free of using the AOL software, I can still use the web address for email. Well, considering that I have told everyone I know I'm using Netzero, I just blocked all mail to my AOL name. I find it funny, though. Why on earth did I keep AOL so long, knowing I could use their website for free email? Oh well, I'm done with them! Yaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!

Friday, February 03, 2006

I've been realizing that I'm not posting too much lately. I must be in a blogging funk, I don't know. Oh well, I'm blogging now!

A lot has happened lately. I finally got my Medicare D crap figured out, only after 8 days of stressing, worrying, taking less of my medicine than I'm supposed to, and getting pissed. Tuesday my lung medicine was delivered, and I almost cried. I know, I'm so dramatic, but you don't know how scary it is to not get the medicine that has made a huge difference in your life because of some politician's assinine decisions. I'm not going to dwell on it now, because I think my blood pressure has been high enough this last week! I got my meds, and I am happy!

My father went for his first appointment with the urologist yesterday. They have scheduled him for biopsies on the 14th. Yes, Valentine's Day. I am praying everything will go well, and that he still won't need surgery or anything. Although I do believe that he will. One step at a time to worry about, though.

I got a tutoring job for a little kindergarten boy, whose mom is freaking out because she believes he needs a lot more help. I hope that I can do something for him! He needs to know 25 sight words by the end of the year, and I guess he doesn't know many. He can't seem to count, although he understands time and money pretty well. Which is kinda backward for a kid his age. Kids at that age usually can count, but not really get time or money. Weird! I was supposed to start last night, but I really wasn't feeling well. So I'll try for next week!

I am hoping to see Euan on Sunday. We've made plans to hang out for the afternoon, but now I'm seeing that the weather might not be so good. Doesn't it figure, it was like 50 today, and supposed to be 45 tomorrow, and then the weather is going to get cold and snowy again. Especially on Sunday. UGH!! I just want to hang out with Euan, we haven't seen each other again since we met in December. This is rather frustrating! lol

I'm going out for coffee Saturday afternoon with my friends. It'll be nice, since we haven't done that in a while now! Then Saturday evening, a friend of mine that I used to work with is coming over to look at my jewelry. She had wanted to come to my jewelry party back in December, but wasn't able to make it. And she's wanted to come over since then, but didn't always have money. So she gets paid Friday, and wants to look at my stuff! Yay for me! lol

I guess that's it for now. I'm very tired, and I need to go to bed!! G'night! :)