I try to read our local newspaper online every night, mainly to see what's happening, but also to see who has died. Morbid? Maybe to some, but I just like to know. Last night, I found out a man who I grew up knowing a few doors down and across the street from my parents' house had died on Wednesday. It dawned on me that that must've been the reason why I had heard a fire truck roaring down my street Wednesday evening, slowing down near my parents' house (which got me a bit worried). An ambulance followed shortly after. They took him to the hospital, where he passed away a short time after.
According to the paper, Mr. S. was 96 years old. 96. I knew he was old, but didn't realize he was that old. And still driving!! I'd always see his car, and whenver I did, I would always think to myself, "Aww, the S's." His wife was usually in the passenger seat, and they'd be on their way somewhere. I adored the S's. I don't know why. I'd be worried if I saw Mr. S and not Mrs. S, and vice versa. Of course, I never saw Mrs. S. alone, simply because she never drove. But every time I saw them together, I saw the love they still had for each other after all those decades of being married. They were married 72 years. That's so hard to believe, especially this day and age when some people's marriages seem to end before the ceremony is over. The S's were obviously very much devoted to each other, and it always made me smile to see them together, whether it was at church, in Wegmans, or Walmart, or seeing them walking down the street. I admired them immensely. I'm sad that he is gone, and I wonder how much longer it'll be before she follows her true love to heaven.
Knowing how long the S's had been together, seeing them grow old together and still seeing them care for each other very much makes me wonder if I'll ever have that. I didn't want that for the longest time. I thought I didn't need someone else to make me happy. Well, I don't. But I feel I need someone to make me complete. I really wanted that with Euan. I thought I had found my better half in him. I really felt that we were meant for each other, and I keep wondering how and why that never worked out. Was I completely wrong? Why is it that there are some people who easily find their better half and stick with them for the rest of their lives, and there are other people who happen to have 2 or more loves throughout their lives, and I can't even get to be with the one person I truly wanted to spend the rest of my life with? Obviously no one can answer these questions. All I know right now is that I feel so alone, and I feel lost and as if I've been gyped. I guess I'm still on an emotional rollercoaster since Euan died. I sure hope the ride ends very soon.