Saturday, April 17, 2010
Yesterday I spent much of the day thinking about Euan while doing things jewelry-related. I really wish that it would have been one month of celebrating having his new heart. Instead, I thought about the six years of friendship that we had. I thought about the first message I received from him, and how that message piqued my curiosity. I thought about the first time we had met in person, and how much we really had in common. I remembered when we first discovered that we actually had more feelings for each other than we thought, how it surprised both of us because neither of us thought the other had felt the same. I remembered how wonderful it was to fall in love with him, and to actually have him return the feelings. I remember the evening we spent together here, visiting and laughing, and sharing a kiss that both of us still recalled with much fondness a couple years later. I remember the last conversation we had over a month ago, knowing how much we both were hoping that we could spend so much time together after he had a new heart. My heart is still really sad that he is gone, and still in some disbelief, but I'm trying to think differently now. There is nothing, NOTHING, I can do to bring him back. No amount of wishes or hopes will make the fact that he is gone change. So the only thing I can do is just accept it and think about everything that Euan meant to me. He was a very dear person in my life, and I will never forget the words we shared, the laughs we had, and the love that will forever be in my heart.