Daily Ponderings

I have a phriend named Brandon, who's been in the hospital since September of last year. Yes, that long. He has battled a lot of fluid issues, and infections, and heartache and pain. So much of the time he's been in there, he hasn't been able to communicate online with anyone, only briefly scoring some computer time here and there. I can't imagine what he must have thought all that time, but I tried to text him when I could, and left messages once in awhile. I thought maybe he was mad or something when I'd hear nothing from him, but then I found out that he just wasn't feeling well enough to answer back most of the time. I think it was maybe a month ago when I actually chatted with Brandon online for about half an hour. I was so happy to talk to him! I told him he was in my prayers all the time, and that I missed having him around online. He said he missed all of us, too. He apologized for not getting back to me but he really hasn't been well most of the tim...

It's raining, it's pouring The old man is snoring. He went to bed and bumped his head And couldn't get up in the morning. I used to wonder as a kid what snoring had to do with the rain when I heard this poem. And how exactly did that old man bump his head? I awoke to blahness this morning, but mid-morning the sun was out for a bit. Then I saw that an approaching patch of green and yellow gloom and doom was coming as I looked at Doppler radar. I sat on my porch eating lunch as I heard the distant rumbling thunder, the winds blowing. It felt nice. The winds reminded me of Euan, and I said out loud that I wished he was here. Two minutes later, I watched a white butterfly flitting around across the street, making it's way over to where I sat. Euan was definitely around, and I started bawling my eyes out for the second time today. Once I had some control, I headed back into the house. And now, 5 minutes later, it's raining buckets outside, I can't even see the street...

It wasn't until I took another nap while reading my book this afternoon that I finally decided to do something useful with my time. For months, my desk has been a mess. I didn't use it during the winter, so I piled things on it. The drawers were packed with a lot of things I didn't need. So, I started to purge. I knew it was going to be a big task, but I didn't realize the extent of it until I actually started! I had paperwork for all sorts of things. Bank statements from a bank I used before I even moved into my apartment. All the signed papers and loan for my Saturn. Check registers. The application and approval for grad school, and class schedules. Grade transcripts from when I went for my undergrad degree. I even had a friend's notebook from an undergrad class that I borrowed when she took the class before I did. I asked her on Facebook if she wanted it back. lol So now I have so much less stuff in my drawers! The top of my desk looks wonderful and clean. I dus...

It's Sunday, and although it's a day of relaxation (supposedly anyway), I've been relaxing for two days now. I need to do something. Nothing inspires me, and I don't have much money left before I get my SSD money for July. I need to get out of the house, but I don't know where to go. Yet, my apartment could use some serious cleaning in every room, but I don't want to/don't have the energy. I could watch a movie, but I watched 2 last night. I have some books to read, but I'm too antsy. I'm highly irritated. Part of that is b/c of my hormones. I also have a headache. It's humid out, but if I turned the fan on or the A/C, I'd be freezing. Sigh. I guess I'll just walk away from the laptop and go figure out something to do since this post could really become a series of rants that I just don't want to get into.

Words hurt sometimes. Sometimes someone says something without even thinking of how much they are damaging the other person's feelings. Sometimes it dawns on them the second the words finish slipping out of their mouths. An apology may immediately happen after that. But there are times when it doesn't. I admit that I have hurt people with words, and if I haven't apologized right off the bat, I usually do at a later time. Sometimes it's too late. Accusatory words were thrown at me yesterday, and they've hurt like hell. And it's not the first time it's happened in this particular situation. It wasn't until much later in the day that I let the accusor know how upset I was, because the words were thrown before the facts were even out there. Huge assumptions were made that didn't even exist in the first place. I did nothing to deserve those words, and I know it. So I know I shouldn't be this upset, but quite honestly, it makes me evaluate the people i...

Plans were made. People were included. One person, one very important person, was not. Who made that huge oversight? Or was it an exclusion? That one uninvited person is terribly hurt by such thoughtlessness, and I feel incredibly disappointed at the people who didn't care. And I know one other person who would be very disappointed, too. Today, I overdid. I went to rehab as usual, and did ok, but then I went back home after picking up a prescription so I could have lunch and go to Walmart after. My mom called me to say she would stop by to do something, and I told her I would be home for a little bit. When she found out I was going to Walmart, she said she could go there, too. So she picked me up eventually, and off we went. We went to Wegmans first (a grocery store, for those who don't know!), which was good since I needed to get Mittens more food. Well, of course I picked up some other stuff on the way around the store! I had a bunch of coupons to use, so I got a few things a...

I decided to go out for a little bit this afternoon, because I wanted to get a new pair of everyday sneakers. I went to the post office first, then the credit union, and then ventured over to Targét. Ok, I know it's TargEt, not TargÉt, but I say it the 2nd way all the time, so I also spell it that way. lol Anyway, I looked at bathing suits, and some clothes, before getting over to the shoe department. Ten minutes later, I had tried on a purple and silver pair of sneakers, and decided they were the ones! I wandered around the rest of the store before I went to cash out. While in line, the cashier was talking to another cashier and some customers about an earthquake, and that it could be felt in Lewiston and Buffalo. Huh, earthquake? Well, it would surprise me. I felt one back in 2002! I hadn't yet gotten my large queen-sized bed, I still had my daybed, and I remember waking up one morning with the bed shaking a bit. I wondered what truck had driven past the house, but it wasn...

It's summer, and Mittens seems to have taken up the fine art of snoozing all day. In the past week, whenever I've gotten up in the morning, he's not always outside my bedroom door like he usually is to greet me with a meow-hello. Sometimes he doesn't even get up when I start cleaning his food bowl and water dish! I must admit that I've been worried that maybe something is wrong with him if I don't see him in the mornings, but then I sigh in relief when I see him lift his head up to acknowledge me when I get into the kitchen. He seems to eat and sleep most of the day. Well, really, he snoozes most of the day! I mean, I know he's a cat and all, but gee whiz, seems excessive to me! Mittens has taken a liking to a PHA fanny pack that I received from someone who went to the last PHA conference in Houston, 2 years ago. I had found the fanny pack (actually 2 of them) while cleaning the computer room a month or so ago, and had left the pack on the floor while I went...

It has been such a long and exhausting week. I thought that I'd be able to take it easy, for the most part, on Wednesday and Thursday before starting a busy weekend. But then I ended up getting the tube in my ear on Wednesday, and it made for a very extended several days of not a lot of rest. The procedure was quick, not lasting more than 10 minutes. But, I can't lie and say it didn't hurt. It DID. I think what was most bothersome is that I could hear everything. The doctor numbed my eardrum with a topical anesthetic, but it didn't seem like it helped too much since I could still feeling pinching and stuff going on. Of course, maybe if he didn't put the gel on my eardrum, it would've been 10x worse! He drained out the fluid a couple of times, and wow. I can hear so much better! Of course, now that I've been home, I'm turning down the volume on many of the electronics around here. lol Had to turn the tv down, even the laptop. As much as I didn't like...

Ever since I was a kid, besides dealing with heart and lung issues, I have also dealt with a slew of other health conditions, some not as bad as others. I've been blind as a bat since the 3rd grade, although my poor eyesight has tapered off in the past few years, which is nice. However, I still can't see more than a few inches in front of me without corrective eyewear! I have scoliosis, and had to wear a brace for a few years in high school. THAT was a friggin blast. However, I was so darn faithful wearing that stupid thing that not only did my spine not get any worse, but apparently the curve corrected itself by a few degrees. I also have bunions, and I still continue to wear the special plastic inserts that were specially made to fit my fit and not make the bunions any worse. And then, there is my right ear! I had so many ear infections when I was little, that I eventually had a tube placed in the right ear to help the draining. I had them placed twice, and I can't even b...

Today it's been one year since my dear phriend, Mason, passed away from a terrible time he had waiting for a second lung transplant. As hard as I thought this day would be, it wasn't really. I was sad, yes, because I still wish he was here. I still wish he had had his second chance. I still wish I could talk to him several times a day, telling him just about anything, since that's what I used to do. I miss my guaranteed laugh for the day. But I guess it wasn't so bad because I know how much better off he really is. Of course, we all want him here. But God had better plans for Mason, and He needed Mason back sooner than we would've liked. And quite honestly, I knew how badly Mason's life ended, and I know that he is definitely not suffering anymore. He is racing around in heaven on his dirt bike, dancing whenever he feels like it, and sending rain from time to time. I know he watches, and I know I will one day meet him when my time comes. I think what really got ...

Summer was unofficially welcomed on Memorial Day weekend, and for the most part, the summer-y type weather has shown up with it. Some days have been in the high 80s, but with little to no humidity, and I've been loving every minute of it! I finally have been able to wear my skirts, and tank tops, and walk around with bare feet and pretty painted toenails. Makes me feel happy and free, and yes, I'll say beautiful! Until I look at my legs. And there they are, bruises. They can either be very small and almost unnoticeable, to very large, making me wonder how the heck that happened. There are very few times when I recall bumping into something. And sometimes when I do whack myself, I think, "Well, that'll be a great bruise." Why do they occur so easily? Well, I'm on Coumadin , which is a blood thinner. My blood is usually pretty thick because I have such low oxygen levels, that more red blood cells are created to carry around more oxygen. While that is nice, more ...

I'm not a dirt person. I really never liked gardening, even though I helped my mom with her gardens when I was little. I don't know what it is, but I just don't like playing with dirt! However, that being said, I do love growing things like spider plants. I have 3 huge ones, one in the bedroom and two in the kitchen. I'd put them all over the house, except some areas of the house just don't get enough sun to help keep the plant alive. So, my spider plants grow babies constantly, and many times I have to just cut them and throw them out. Not a favorite thing to do, but I just have nowhere else to put them!! Here's the spider plant in my bedroom. It's rather big! Here are the 2 spider plants in my kitchen. The one on the left is my original spider plant. It's 10 years old! It has sprouted out at least 100 babies, including the 2 big plants I now have. If you can see below the plant on the right side, there is a baby spider plant that is actually coming fro...

Last Saturday, Joanie picked me up to go to Rick's house (her fiance) around noonish. After spending about 20 minutes waiting to cross the border, we were on our way. Even though it had been so long since I'd been in Canada, it didn't really feel too different. I thought maybe it would feel like a challenge overcome considering I had to get an enhanced license and stuff. But, not so much! We got to Rick's house, had a little something to eat, and then left to head to Toronto. The drive there was pretty good, and we only had one area where the traffic was pretty slow. We ended up on the street where the theater was located around 3pm. After going allllllll the way down the street, Rick finally found a place to turn so we could go allllll the way back up the street to park. We ended up a half a block from the theater, but it was a beautiful day, and there were shops to browse, so it wasn't too bad. We went to a bead shop (yay!!), a record (yes, tons of records were av...

I am around, I am here! I know I haven't posted since last week. I want to write about Toronto. I just haven't gotten to it yet. I will try doing it tomorrow!