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Survivor's Guilt

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The moment I was born, I was a sick baby, even though doctors couldn't figure that out until I was 9 months old. I don't know what it's like to be totally healthy. I spent the first 28 years of my life knowing I had 2 holes in my heart, and pulmonary hypertension (PH), although no one really explained that second half to my parents or myself. Then when my daily symptoms of shortness of breath, and extreme fatigue turned into an elephant sitting on my chest constantly, I was eventually introduced to the PH world. I started seeing doctors at the Cleveland Clinic in Ohio who specialized in the disease, plus a cardiologist for adults living with a congenital heart defect. I was eventually started on a PH medication, and that first shipment of medication almost 16 years ago led me to the online world of a PH community. From message boards to chat rooms, I suddenly realized that I WAS NOT ALONE!! The PH world became MY world for so long. I would read messages for hours, replying ...
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The Ideal Day

Once again, it's that time of month for dear Judi's Artsy Essay Contest! Please see the rules and regulations for this month here . I entered a couple month's ago when Judi decided to revive this wonderful contest, and decided I'd like to give it a shot this month! Here goes! My Ideal Day My ideal day would start out at 7am to get ready for work, instead of getting up to take a pill. My ideal day would be going to work as a teacher, instead of wondering if I'd feel well enough to do anything for that day. My ideal day would be working out at a gym, instead of hoping to have enough energy to just walk for 6 minutes on the treadmill at home. My ideal day would be to freely walk about around my home and in public, instead of being tethered to a plastic tube going into my nose, providing oxygen to keep me going. My ideal day would be remembering meeting times with friends or family, instead of keeping track of the 8 different times I need to take a pill or vitamin in ...
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A Holey Affair

When I was 9 months old, I was diagnosed with congenital heart disease (atrioventricular canal, to be exact, and pulmonary hypertension. I was most likely born with the 2 holes in my heart, and the PH developed very soon after, or I could've had both at the same time and it was missed until I was 9 months. Who knows really? I guess it doesn't really matter at this point! Anyway, for my entire childhood and young adulthood, the main focus was always on my heart. I had plenty of appointments with my pediatric cardiologist, and if I had to guess, over 150 echoes in my life so far. My heart has been in pretty stable condition for a very long time, and I'm so thankful for that! I find it ironic that after we started focusing on the pulmonary hypertension part of my condition in 2002, I sometimes forget about the congenital heart disease I've got going on. When I talk to people, I always describe PH, the symptoms, the treatments, etc, but I forget to say WHY I have PH in the ...
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