Daily Ponderings

I woke up around 5:30am-ish this morning, feeling a terrible headache and feeling kinda pukish. And then, gosh darn it, realized my oxygen cannula was laying next to me, and not UP my nose. This is the 2nd time it's happened in two weeks, I've just pulled it off in the middle of the night for some reason. By the time I really got up this morning, a little after 9, I felt like crap. After breakfast and being up for a little bit, I finally just had to lay back down again, and took a 2 hour nap. It's so irritating when that happens! A couple people suggested taping it to my face, but I have allergies to that, so I'm just gonna have to figure out something! In thinking about oxygen in the wee hours of the morning when I was trying to drift back to sleep, I realized that around this time of the summer about 7 years ago, I was put on oxygen 24/7, after my first visit to Cleveland Clinic. Prior to that, I had had it for abouit a year for wearing at night only, which I admit, ...

Well a little while after my last post, the sun started peeking out and warming things up. My brownies came out nice, although I haven't tasted one yet. Somehow I think that's a sin! I will have some later tonight as a snack! I made a bracelet for myself, and a pretty green single illusion necklace. I also put more songs on my laptop. I keep going through all my CDs. I am finding songs I used to LOVE years ago, and it's been fun listening to them again! I got an email from my PH nurse again. Revatio has been approved for 40mg 3x a day! Whooo hooo! That was a quick approval! Not sure when Accredo will contact me now. Hopefully soon! I will start out taking 30mg each dose at first, and keep my PH nurse updated on how I feel. Then we'll see about 40mg. I'm just happy that it got approved so quick! Well now it's dinner time! Taco salads, mmmmmmmmm.

Well, so far today has been blah and crappy. Wet, rainy, thunderstormy, yucko! And for some reason, I am cold!! So I've done the only sensible thing one can do when cold.....I've turned on the oven to make brownies!! They should be done in about 25 minutes, mmmmmmm. In the meantime, I'm going to figure out another necklace pattern. Also in the meantime, I think the sun is trying to peek out. Maybe if it stops raining for the day, I can say Happy Half a Crappy Day Wednesday!

Yesterday I was quite busy being productive! I felt alot better than my blah Sunday, which I was very happy about. I decided to wash all my bras, whooo hoo! Not that THAT is a huge chore, but it's a chore nevertheless! I also worked on jewelry for the day. I made an illusion necklace with these pretty blue beads, and it came out nice. I also worked on a triple layer necklace, with bronze beads. It took a little over 2 hours to make, because some of the beads I used were so tiny! They are called seed beads, and well, they are the size of little seeds! Thank goodness for the magnifying glass lamp my mom gave me, and for a shitload of patience!!!! I love how it came out, though! I also made tuna noodle casserole last night, which I just LOVE. So it was quite a busy day for me, and I never napped!! Today I decided to go to my niece's soccer game again, so I called my mom and she picked me up. It was a really nice morning, still a bit hot for 10am. I didn't realize until tonig...

My weekend was alright, nothing too special. Saturday, after calling the Food Stamp number for like the 20th time this week and finding out they STILL didn't take back their extra money, I decided to get some groceries anyway! My mom and I went to Aldi's, and I got $91 worth of food. I am supposed to get $152 a month, so I didn't want to try spending it all. I hope they get everything straightened out tomorrow. I don't want to try keeping track of not spending their mistake money!! If it's not fixed tomorrow, I guess I'll be calling AGAIN. Geesh, they are lucky I am being honest about this, there are so many who would be like whooo hoo, and not say anything. Today I kinda felt blah. I got ready for church, my mom picked me up, and as were getting closer to the church, we realized that the mass today was at the Convention Center. It was the first mass as the new parish. Oooops. So we ended up going to a different church, but I really felt yucky by the time I got ...

Aaaaaaaand, making our debut, here are a couple pics of Mommy and her little man!! I have maybe 3 pics of us, mostly when he was a little kitty (he was easier to hold!), so I was ECSTATIC when Mittens actually let me take a few pics without running away! Of course, he's less than thrilled about it, but who cares! LOL!

My watchband broke over a month ago. It was such a pain, because I wear my watch all the time, except when I'm in the shower! I wear it to bed, and it is an Indiglo, so when I wake up in the wee hours of the morning, I can see what time it is. I am blind as a bat without my contacts, and I can't even squint to see my huge alarm clock just a couple feet from my bed! So anyway, I couldn't find a watchband at Walmart at all. So I decided to experiment with beads. After a few attempts (and a bunch of swearing!), I came up with this!: (By the way, I typed this entry from my computer. I am trying not to put pictures on my laptop, I just don't want a lot of space taken up on there. Can I just tell you how WEIRD it feels to type using the keyboard after using the laptop every day for about a month?? The keys feel so big and chunky, and I feel like I have to smash them in order to get a letter! LOL Oh well, I'm just glad the computer is still up and running, sometimes it tak...

I went this morning with my mom and Joan to see my niece play soccer. She started a couple weeks ago, but I haven't had a chance to go since I've either been busy, or it's been way too friggin' hot even at 10am! Today was a good day, though, and she was so cute! Her team is Team Bahama, and her little uniform is a light blue. All the soccer teams are sponsored by Tim Horton's, and the soccer players are known as Timbits (which are very similar to Dunkin Donuts' Munchkins!). My niece seemed to be a lost soul out there on the field at times. She would just stand there, or pick a flower, or just watch something else. And then she would just start running like everyone else! She did get to kick the ball once, and she did pretty good! I think the best part is that she just got to be with kids about her own age. She'll be playing for another couple weeks before it's over, and I hope I'll be able to go again! I noticed that there was a guy down the field fr...

This morning I had a dream that I was getting married. I had a very long white dress on. My mom walked me down the aisle. This bothered me because it would have meant that my dad wasn't here anymore by the time I got married. When I got to the front of the altar, I noticed that Mittens was the ring bearer, and he was wandering around the plants that were all over the altar. I never saw his face, just his big fat puffy tail! The priest was a huge black man, and he was introduced by some mysterious announcer as a new priest, as if we were at some sort of sporting event. The crowd was small, and the church enormous. I didn't have a bridal party. But what struck me the most was that there wasn't a groom. It was as if I was marrying myself. What is that supposed to mean?? That my feelings of being better off by myself are true? Or that I will one day get married, but there is no one in my future yet? I am not really sure, but I do know that it was certainly a strange dream!!

Hard to believe that I have nothing huge planned for this week. I've been so busy with people visiting, going to doctor appointments last week, seeing friends, etc, that having no plans feels weird. lol But at the same time, it's nice! I feel like my summer is just slipping away, and at a fast pace. And I don't like it!! My cousin and aunt were in town this weekend, for my cousin's birthday (which was today). We saw them a few times while they were here, which was nice. This afternoon, we had a lunch at my parents' house for Ryhan, with pizza, watermelon, chicken wings, and ice cream cake. The cake was practically melted by the time we got to it! It was pretty funny. My mom had taken it out about half an hour before she thought we'd be eating it. It says on the box you could do that. However, I don't think she took into account the fact she just used the oven to cook the pizzas and wings, and it was hot in the kitchen! However, it was still tasty! Friday nig...

After a demand, I recently deleted or edited many posts within the last year and a half of my life involving a certain topic that meant alot to me. I wish I hadn't done that now. Because now it seems like that topic never existed in the first place. My feelings that went along with it are now wiped out as well. I wish what I had done was changed or deleted names, maybe some of what I said, and comments that went along with it, so I could remember that this situation actually was a huge part of my life. It's too late to do that now. It's too late for alot of things. There's no way to really fix it. I'm just dealing and moving on. I can't explain my emotions since all of this happened. Everything went way downhill on Tuesday, but really, for me, things were going downhill way before that. I think because of that, I shut a wall over my emotions so I wouldn't get hurt yet again. So I really don't know how I'm feeling right now. And for THAT, I feel awfu...

I didn't get to mention that last month after the kids' birthday party, and after everyone went home except for our family, Lisa remembered a couple presents she forgot to take out of her car. She had some water toys in the bags for each one, and a tshirt for each of them, too. I can't believe I've been holding on to this news for almost a month!! Lisa asked us not to say anything until she had her first appointment with the doctor today. Everything looks good so far. She said the baby looks like a gummi bear. lol She saw the little heart fluttering. Her due date is February 13th. They will not be finding out what they are having! I am just very excited for them!! And I am excited about becoming an aunt yet again!! Continuing on the good news front, I was in Cleveland yesterday for my appts. Despite it being a freaking LONG day, since my dad and I left at 5:30am, things went well. My 6mw was a smidgen better, which really doesn't mean anything at all, other than I...

......at 5:30am!!!!! Which means I have to be up by 5am to just get myself alive and dressed and ready to go. YUCKO!! I don't think I've been up that early since I used to sub after getting out of college!! I purposely didn't take a nap today, so I'd be so exhausted by 9, and it actually worked out! It's almost 9:30, I have to take Revatio in maybe 10 minutes, and I'm ready to pass out! I hope to have pictures to post tomorrow. I'm supposed to meet Tracie and her little son, Ryan, tomorrow on the way home from my appts. I am soooooo excited!! I still hope it works out! Ryan is one of my favorite little guys on the PH boards (well all the kids are my favorites!), and he is going off Flolan soon. I am happy for him, and I hope he never has to be on it again! I have a feeling I've typed all this already in another blog, but maybe I'm too tired to remember. So, off I go to bed!!

So I called my food stamp worker yet this morning. This time he answered! I told him I had called yesterday asking about why I couldn't eat in July. He said it was an error (that no doubt he made), and that if I called the number on my food stamp card after 1oam, I should have my stamps. He was very nice about it (most of the people working there have such horrible attitudes!!), and I thanked him for fixing everything. So I called a little after 10 to see if I really got the money. I had to call twice after hearing the little voice lady tell me I had over $400! What?????? I am supposed to get $152 a month, and I have over 400???? I called my mom to tell her, and she said I better call the caseworker back to make sure that's not a mistake! I did, but left a message for him. I hope he does call me back. The last thing I need is for them to decide at a later time that I got over paid, and then they take it back from me when I've already used them!! Although it has been fun pic...

My best friend, Eve (the one coming home in September for good!!), is here in town until Sunday. She took her son, her mom, and me out to lunch today down in Lewiston, at The Silo. It was a blast! Her mom is absolutely hilarious, and it is no wonder where Eve has gotten her humor! After lunch, Eve took me to Tops, a grocery store chain in this area. She got me fruits, veggies, some cereal, milk and juice, and yogurt. That was what I needed most. The fresh stuff doesn't seem to last long, which stinks! But I am so thankful to her, and to all my family and friends who offered to get me groceries. I remember when I first applied for food stamps years ago, I felt so horrible for needing them. But this stupid incident made me realize how much I actually NEED them. And I am so grateful for programs out there that help the people who need food, shelter, assistance the most. If it wasn't for stuff like that, I just don't know where I'd be! By the way, I did try calling my cas...

I'm having a shitty day, emotionally. The main problem is that I haven't gotten my food stamps for this month. Apparently, no one thought I needed to eat in July. I usually get them electronically on the 6th of every month, no matter if it's a weekend or a holiday. Well, the 6th came and went. I called Monday morning to make sure I got my food stamps before going out, and I only had 8 bucks that I had left from last month. UGH. I tried calling my caseworker, but he wasn't accepting calls or voicemails. I tried calling the main office, and they weren't accepting calls or voicemails either. I waited until today, the 9th, to see if I'd get them because when I was recently recertified, my new date of getting food stamps for the month is the 9th. Called this morning, still 8 bucks. UGH. Soooo, I tried my caseworker again, and the phone rang until I got someone at the main office. Wednesdays are appointment days, and the caseworkers don't take calls. The guy I tal...

Remember this very vague statement back in May??? Vague Statement Well, if you've noticed my new countdown tracker on my blog, then you see that my best friend is coming back home!! Eve has been living in the NYC area for at least 5 years, and her ex-husband FINALLY actually got a transfer back to Buffalo, which means Eve's transfer back to Buffalo is happening in September!! Right before my birthday!! I cried the day she finally told me she was coming home for GOOD! Eve and her ex work for the government, and the only reason they were moving together was for the sake of their son (my godson). They didn't want to be far apart from each other, so that it was easy for their son to see both his parents on a regular basis. So anyway, I am just sooooo, soooooo thrilled! I have known Eve since my freshman year in high school, and she is one of my 2 best friends. Every time she's come home for the holidays or something else, we've always gotten together, and we always hop...

I decided to change my blog background a bit, and do a new playlist for the summertime. I wanted summer-ish songs, and so the first one I thought of was Will Smith's big hit back in the day called "Summertime." So I typed in summertime, and realized just how many songs there are with that title! My new playlist includes songs called "Summertime," and many of them are pretty cool!