Thursday, July 31, 2008

Argh, Oxygen!!

I woke up around 5:30am-ish this morning, feeling a terrible headache and feeling kinda pukish. And then, gosh darn it, realized my oxygen cannula was laying next to me, and not UP my nose. This is the 2nd time it's happened in two weeks, I've just pulled it off in the middle of the night for some reason. By the time I really got up this morning, a little after 9, I felt like crap. After breakfast and being up for a little bit, I finally just had to lay back down again, and took a 2 hour nap. It's so irritating when that happens! A couple people suggested taping it to my face, but I have allergies to that, so I'm just gonna have to figure out something!

In thinking about oxygen in the wee hours of the morning when I was trying to drift back to sleep, I realized that around this time of the summer about 7 years ago, I was put on oxygen 24/7, after my first visit to Cleveland Clinic. Prior to that, I had had it for abouit a year for wearing at night only, which I admit, I was horrible with. In fact, I fought it. I had been put on it at night when I went to the ER with high fever and chills on day, and I think the ER staff was completely freaked out over my o2 sats. That was a time when I really didn't understand what o2 sats were, what were good numbers, etc. So I eventually got set up with o2 for nightly use, and I was only half complacent. I even tried to get the o2 company to take it back. I told them I didn't feel any different being on it. They sent a respiratory therapist to my house, so she could check my sats, and let me know when/if they'd take the machine from me. I think I scared the crap out of her, too. She told me she could not possibly recommend taking the o2 machine from my house with sats that low. I still didn't know or understand what they were, I was just very irritated that she wouldn't take the machine!!!

So fast forward about a year and a half later. I had quit my teaching job because I was so terribly sick my last year there, and my doctor told me with tears in her eyes to quit. Several months after that, my doctor referred me to Cleveland, and I went, expecting to be tested for all kinds of things, and also expecting it to be talking about transplant. It didn't quite get to that point. The doctor I saw told me I needed to start coumadin (I didn't know what that was really), and that I need to wear my o2 24/7. That shocked me terribly. I cried almost all the way back home in the back of the van. All I could think about was "What would people think of me with it on???" I have always always been a very self-concious person growing up. I had hated the way I looked for many years. I never considered myself pretty or attractive, and all I could think of at that point was, well I'm really gonna look like a freak now!!!

My first "outing" with o2 was in August 2001, at the Lewiston Art Festival. I don't know what possessed me to go there for the first time in public with o2!!! There are literally THOUSANDS of people at that festival every year walking around, and I usually know at least a dozen people walking around!! And I DID run into people I knew, who seemed pretty shocked to see me with o2! I couldn't even focus on the art most of the time, I kept focusing on what were people thinking seeing me with o2???

For the next couple years, I was very aware of my surroundings every time I went out to the stores or wherever it was I was going. I felt ashamed, kinda. And I hated running into people I knew while wearing o2. It meant that I had to explain, again, what was going on with me. But eventually it started to get better. And that was because I was actually feeling better with it on. All the years I hadn't been with oxygen, I don't know how my body actually accomodated for the loss. And ever since going to Cleveland, and getting my tests done, I realized that even though I am very different with my o2 sats than most people (80 at rest on 3L, or as low as 44 *gasp* while walking on 6L), the o2 was just as beneficial to me. I'm sure my organs started partying with all the o2 they started getting when I started wearing it all the time! I finally understood what o2 sats meant, and that although my body was different from others, and used to the low o2 sats, I really really needed to wear o2 all the time, despite the fact I felt "fine" without it!!

Nowadays when I go out, I could give two hoots about what people think with my o2 on. Well, I take that back a little. There are times when I don't wear it. Like at a restaurant, or going out to a bar. But I almost always have it with me. And when I am out in the stores or wherever, I usually forget that it's even on my face. I don't try to hide from people I know, and I gladly spread the word as to why I'm even wearing it in the first place. So as much as wearing oxygen isn't an anniversary I really would like to celebrate, I am thankful that it's been keeping me going all these years, along with my meds!!!!

And in celebration, I would love to share oxygen cartoons created by a lovely friend, Leslie Polss. Her cartoons have been fabulous, and I can totally relate to them, as well as some of my other phriends, I'm sure!!

http://www.sobtoons.com/gal02.html

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Happy Sunny Wednesday Afternoon!

Well a little while after my last post, the sun started peeking out and warming things up. My brownies came out nice, although I haven't tasted one yet. Somehow I think that's a sin! I will have some later tonight as a snack!

I made a bracelet for myself, and a pretty green single illusion necklace. I also put more songs on my laptop. I keep going through all my CDs. I am finding songs I used to LOVE years ago, and it's been fun listening to them again!

I got an email from my PH nurse again. Revatio has been approved for 40mg 3x a day! Whooo hooo! That was a quick approval! Not sure when Accredo will contact me now. Hopefully soon! I will start out taking 30mg each dose at first, and keep my PH nurse updated on how I feel. Then we'll see about 40mg. I'm just happy that it got approved so quick!

Well now it's dinner time! Taco salads, mmmmmmmmm.

Happy Crappy Wednesday!

Well, so far today has been blah and crappy. Wet, rainy, thunderstormy, yucko! And for some reason, I am cold!! So I've done the only sensible thing one can do when cold.....I've turned on the oven to make brownies!! They should be done in about 25 minutes, mmmmmmm. In the meantime, I'm going to figure out another necklace pattern. Also in the meantime, I think the sun is trying to peek out. Maybe if it stops raining for the day, I can say Happy Half a Crappy Day Wednesday!

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Busy Couple of Days!

Yesterday I was quite busy being productive! I felt alot better than my blah Sunday, which I was very happy about. I decided to wash all my bras, whooo hoo! Not that THAT is a huge chore, but it's a chore nevertheless! I also worked on jewelry for the day. I made an illusion necklace with these pretty blue beads, and it came out nice. I also worked on a triple layer necklace, with bronze beads. It took a little over 2 hours to make, because some of the beads I used were so tiny! They are called seed beads, and well, they are the size of little seeds! Thank goodness for the magnifying glass lamp my mom gave me, and for a shitload of patience!!!! I love how it came out, though! I also made tuna noodle casserole last night, which I just LOVE. So it was quite a busy day for me, and I never napped!!

Today I decided to go to my niece's soccer game again, so I called my mom and she picked me up. It was a really nice morning, still a bit hot for 10am. I didn't realize until tonight that I got a little burnt! Ooops! I need Vitamin D, though! lol After my mom dropped me off, I played around online a bit, then hosted afternoon chat. Then I babysat! The little "chunk," as Jeannie (my friend) calls her son is just too adorable! Boy, he sure is on the move nowadays. He still can't walk yet (he just turned a year old last weekend!), but I'm sure that'll come in no time! I just keep him corraled in the computer room with the door shut, so he is not crawling all over the apartment. I can't really pick him up much (he is 27lbs!), and Jeannie tells me not to pick him up! Unless, of course, he has a boo boo or something. But I'm there the whole time anyway, so he's pretty good. He just has such a sweet temperment, and he is almost always smiling and laughing. He is too cute for words!

After Jeannie picked him up, I had some dinner, and ended up falling asleep on the couch for half an hour after. Guess I was tired from babysitting!! When I got up, I called Lisa. I wished her a Happy Anniversary! I can't believe it's already been 2 years since she's been married. We chatted for a little bit before she asked if I could call her back later, since a bit of chaos was going on at her house. So then I decided to get my butt on the treadmill. I haven't been on it in a week. I admit, I'm not exercising like I was in April. Alot of times it's been too hot and humid to try. I know I have the a/c, but I don't want to run it for only 7 minutes of walking, or whatever it is that I am able to do that particular day. Anyway, my walk tonight was alright, I walked 9 minutes. Did all my stretches and weights, and I felt pretty good!

Tonight I've just been online, as usual! I had to tutor, and I also was in chat again for a bit. Nothing else exciting!

My PH nurse emailed me today to let me know she put in the request to my insurance to approve Revatio at 40mg 3x a day. She said she should have an answer in 72 hours. I hope my insurance allows me to take that much. If it is approved, I will probably just got up by 10mg at first, so that I'm taking 30mg 3x a day. We'll see though. This all depends on if the insurance goes through!

Guess I'll go read for awhile. I'm reading "The Time Traveler's Wife" by Audrey Niffenegger. It's ok so far. I'm not too sure what to think about it yet, but I'm not too far into it to really give a thumbs up or down. My first instinct was that I don't like it at all, but I'm trying to keep reading! Hopefully I'll make it to the end at some point!

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Laid Back Weekend

My weekend was alright, nothing too special. Saturday, after calling the Food Stamp number for like the 20th time this week and finding out they STILL didn't take back their extra money, I decided to get some groceries anyway! My mom and I went to Aldi's, and I got $91 worth of food. I am supposed to get $152 a month, so I didn't want to try spending it all. I hope they get everything straightened out tomorrow. I don't want to try keeping track of not spending their mistake money!! If it's not fixed tomorrow, I guess I'll be calling AGAIN. Geesh, they are lucky I am being honest about this, there are so many who would be like whooo hoo, and not say anything.

Today I kinda felt blah. I got ready for church, my mom picked me up, and as were getting closer to the church, we realized that the mass today was at the Convention Center. It was the first mass as the new parish. Oooops. So we ended up going to a different church, but I really felt yucky by the time I got home. I was really exhausted, so I laid down for an hour, got up to take coumadin, and then fell asleep again. I think I was also pmsing a bit, because Mittens jumped up on the bed at some point, and he was "bathing" himself. It was getting on my nerves so bad that I kept tapping him and telling him to stop. He wouldn't, so I got up really angrily, and hit my hand on my bed, and one of my bracelets broke and beads went flying. UGH!! I just tried to calm myself down, and eventually I did. I eventually started working on some jewelry, and that helped calm me, too. My mom called me and asked me if I wanted to come over for dinner, so I did. It was yummy!

I've just been hanging out this evening, getting offline for about half an hour at one point because a thunderstorm came out of nowhere and it was really bad! That's about all I have to report. Next weekend will be busy because Eve will be here again with her boyfriend, before they go to a cottage for a weekend with her son. So I'm looking forward to seeing her again, and after that, she will be here permanently by September!!

So I guess I'm off for the night, since I have nothing else to say!

Friday, July 25, 2008

Here's Where Boredom Leads


Aaaaaaaand, making our debut, here are a couple pics of Mommy and her little man!! I have maybe 3 pics of us, mostly when he was a little kitty (he was easier to hold!), so I was ECSTATIC when Mittens actually let me take a few pics without running away! Of course, he's less than thrilled about it, but who cares! LOL!


Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Ooooooooo, Purty!

My watchband broke over a month ago. It was such a pain, because I wear my watch all the time, except when I'm in the shower! I wear it to bed, and it is an Indiglo, so when I wake up in the wee hours of the morning, I can see what time it is. I am blind as a bat without my contacts, and I can't even squint to see my huge alarm clock just a couple feet from my bed! So anyway, I couldn't find a watchband at Walmart at all. So I decided to experiment with beads. After a few attempts (and a bunch of swearing!), I came up with this!:


(By the way, I typed this entry from my computer. I am trying not to put pictures on my laptop, I just don't want a lot of space taken up on there. Can I just tell you how WEIRD it feels to type using the keyboard after using the laptop every day for about a month?? The keys feel so big and chunky, and I feel like I have to smash them in order to get a letter! LOL Oh well, I'm just glad the computer is still up and running, sometimes it takes a bit for it to turn on, and I am not sure why!!)

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Team Bahama!

I went this morning with my mom and Joan to see my niece play soccer. She started a couple weeks ago, but I haven't had a chance to go since I've either been busy, or it's been way too friggin' hot even at 10am! Today was a good day, though, and she was so cute! Her team is Team Bahama, and her little uniform is a light blue. All the soccer teams are sponsored by Tim Horton's, and the soccer players are known as Timbits (which are very similar to Dunkin Donuts' Munchkins!). My niece seemed to be a lost soul out there on the field at times. She would just stand there, or pick a flower, or just watch something else. And then she would just start running like everyone else! She did get to kick the ball once, and she did pretty good! I think the best part is that she just got to be with kids about her own age. She'll be playing for another couple weeks before it's over, and I hope I'll be able to go again!

I noticed that there was a guy down the field from us watching his kid play as well. He was someone I went to grade school with. My mom asked me if he was someone I didn't want to say hi to, and I said pretty much, yes. There are just some people I see who I knew for years, that I don't want to say hi to because I'm wearing oxygen. I mean, that is just alot of questions right there that I'm sure they are wondering about, and that I would get into, but then why bother? This guy wasn't really someone I wanted to reminisce with anyway.

There are times I really don't care who I see with the oxygen on. But then, there are people I run into, and then wish I didn't because they really must be wondering what happened to me to be wearing it. Especially people I didn't care for in the first place. lol I know I shouldn't care, but sometimes I really do feel like my life didn't go as planned, and it's hard to explain that. I truly understand that ALOT of people's lives don't go as planned, though! But to have a disease that so defines what you do sometimes, even if you try not to let it, well I guess it just makes it harder to realize that you are on a completely different path. Even if that new path is going pretty well!

A Crazy Dream

This morning I had a dream that I was getting married. I had a very long white dress on. My mom walked me down the aisle. This bothered me because it would have meant that my dad wasn't here anymore by the time I got married. When I got to the front of the altar, I noticed that Mittens was the ring bearer, and he was wandering around the plants that were all over the altar. I never saw his face, just his big fat puffy tail! The priest was a huge black man, and he was introduced by some mysterious announcer as a new priest, as if we were at some sort of sporting event. The crowd was small, and the church enormous. I didn't have a bridal party. But what struck me the most was that there wasn't a groom. It was as if I was marrying myself. What is that supposed to mean?? That my feelings of being better off by myself are true? Or that I will one day get married, but there is no one in my future yet? I am not really sure, but I do know that it was certainly a strange dream!!

Sunday, July 20, 2008

A Week Of Nothing??

Hard to believe that I have nothing huge planned for this week. I've been so busy with people visiting, going to doctor appointments last week, seeing friends, etc, that having no plans feels weird. lol But at the same time, it's nice! I feel like my summer is just slipping away, and at a fast pace. And I don't like it!!

My cousin and aunt were in town this weekend, for my cousin's birthday (which was today). We saw them a few times while they were here, which was nice. This afternoon, we had a lunch at my parents' house for Ryhan, with pizza, watermelon, chicken wings, and ice cream cake. The cake was practically melted by the time we got to it! It was pretty funny. My mom had taken it out about half an hour before she thought we'd be eating it. It says on the box you could do that. However, I don't think she took into account the fact she just used the oven to cook the pizzas and wings, and it was hot in the kitchen! However, it was still tasty!

Friday night we went out to dinner, and Saturday, Joan and I went shopping with them at the mall after we saw my mom and nephew at Mandy's house. My mom was babysitting while Mandy and Ron took my niece to the amusement park for the day! Ryhan and Jane never met my nephew, and they just thought he was so adorable, and so little!! He was really shy with them at first, smiling through wary looks, but he eventually warmed up. They just got a kick out of seeing him!

Ryhan has a daycare, and I gave her a huge folder I've had since I had to quit teaching preschool. It was filled with bulletin board stuff, posters, and decorations for holidays and seasons. I am so glad I finally was able to give all that stuff to someone who could definitely use it! It made me a little sad that I parted with it, but I know I'll never use anything like that again. I do still have quite a bit of papers, patterns, and craft ideas that I could also get rid of, but I think I'll get to that eventually.

All in all, it was a nice weekend, spent with family, spent shopping, spent talking on the phone, and spent relaxing. Maybe my week will be like that, or maybe it won't! Guess I'll find out starting tomorrow!

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Ponderments

After a demand, I recently deleted or edited many posts within the last year and a half of my life involving a certain topic that meant alot to me. I wish I hadn't done that now. Because now it seems like that topic never existed in the first place. My feelings that went along with it are now wiped out as well. I wish what I had done was changed or deleted names, maybe some of what I said, and comments that went along with it, so I could remember that this situation actually was a huge part of my life. It's too late to do that now. It's too late for alot of things. There's no way to really fix it. I'm just dealing and moving on.

I can't explain my emotions since all of this happened. Everything went way downhill on Tuesday, but really, for me, things were going downhill way before that. I think because of that, I shut a wall over my emotions so I wouldn't get hurt yet again. So I really don't know how I'm feeling right now. And for THAT, I feel awful. Sad isn't exactly what it is. Anger isn't there either. Well it was there at first, while I was deleting, but not right now. I can't even say I'm numb. Numb was completely how I felt a few years ago with someone else when my feelings were completely shattered and that ended. Like someone had kicked me in the gut, and I thought it would never get better. Of course it did. This time around, I guess shutting off my emotions alot earlier has allowed me to feel no pain. Maybe I will be sad at some point. Maybe I just have had too much going on to even have time to think about everything that happened. Maybe when my summer is ending, and I'm going back into fall/winter routine, I'll be able to sort out my feelings. I really just don't know.

I learned years ago that everyone comes into your life for a reason. Some people are there for a very short time. Some are there forever. Some people who you think will be there for you, and was there for years, suddenly are just ripped from your life for whatever reason. It's very painful for a long time at first, but then looking back years later, you realize that maybe the time they were in your life was the time they were supposed to be there. My ex-best friend is someone I lost abruptly, but I realized years later that she was just there for the first part of my life, my childhood and young adulthood. She was so selfish in alot of ways, and I really think she finally couldn't deal with my health when I really got very sick, but for the many years we were friends, I had alot of fun with her. I think if she hadn't been in my life, I wouldn't have been a social butterfly during my college years. I think if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't really have guts to start talking to people like she always could. I think her time in my life was, for the most part, a great time, but I guess we just outgrew each other. And I know that it does happen. Alot.

This most recent incident, I can't quite figure out yet. I know it'll take time. I don't know why my feelings became so strong over the winter, only to be hardly there by late spring. So many reasons played into it, but I just wonder what God had to prove to me with them. I think I'll figure it out eventually. I hope I do, anyway. I really just regret deleting all those feelings from the past year and a half. They were genuine and very real. I was scared shitless when I didn't hear anything for a long time. I was so relieved when I finally would. I really did care, and I really did have hopes for happiness in the future. Why they ended? Well, that is for God to know, and maybe me to figure out.

All I know for sure is that this entry will be the only one that acknowledges that something happened in the last year and a half in regards to that topic. It'll be the only one that will give me some sense of what my feelings were when I go back and read entries, even though it's only an inkling of how I felt. I guess that is all I get to take away from what happened. I just hope that I will never forget.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

A Bit Of Good News!

I didn't get to mention that last month after the kids' birthday party, and after everyone went home except for our family, Lisa remembered a couple presents she forgot to take out of her car. She had some water toys in the bags for each one, and a tshirt for each of them, too.
I can't believe I've been holding on to this news for almost a month!! Lisa asked us not to say anything until she had her first appointment with the doctor today. Everything looks good so far. She said the baby looks like a gummi bear. lol She saw the little heart fluttering. Her due date is February 13th. They will not be finding out what they are having! I am just very excited for them!! And I am excited about becoming an aunt yet again!!

Continuing on the good news front, I was in Cleveland yesterday for my appts. Despite it being a freaking LONG day, since my dad and I left at 5:30am, things went well. My 6mw was a smidgen better, which really doesn't mean anything at all, other than I'm stable. I asked my PH doc about increasing my dose of Revatio, but he wanted to see if the new adult congenital cardiologist would suggest doing an RHC (right heart catherization) before raising the dose. So I really had nothing else to ask him!

The new cardio doctor was really nice, and very thorough! He spent alot of time with us, which was very nice. He said he would not suggest an RHC unless I was going to start a completely new drug. He said there wasn't a reason to do one on a drug I'm already taking. This made sense to me! We also discussed other treatment options, especially the Flolan or Remodulin. He is extremely leary of me being on either of those drugs with a congenital heart condition because of the risk of clots at the site, and infections. He said he would rather me be on the Ventavis, which is an inhaled drug. He said although it would be a bit of a pain, doing it so many times a day, there wouldn't be a risk of infection. This was all interesting to learn! I really enjoyed my appt with him. And now, he will be talking to my PH doc at some point this week, to discuss my case and whether my Revatio should be increased. I hope to hear from someone about it all by next week!

On a funny note, I wore my SOB tshirt, and it was a hit with the nurses and doctors I saw! In fact, the fellow I saw right before the cardiologist actually gave me his card, and wants to know how he could order a shirt. Whooo hoo! I felt sort of funny wandering around with it on, but it actually got comments, so I am glad I did!

We didn't get a chance to meet Tracie and Ryan. When I called her, I thought we'd be in Erie around 7pm, and she said Ryan usually was in bed by then. I called her around 6:20 again to let her know we just got into Erie, but I had to leave a message. She emailed me later that night saying Ryan decided to go to the neighbor's house and didn't tell anyone, so she was looking all over for him and missed my call. Such a bummer!! I'm glad that he was found, at least! So I guess we'll try again next time!

Well it's bedtime. I don't know how I made it this long without passing out. I did take a nap today, but it wasn't much of anything! I have a busy day the next couple days with appts (yes, MORE appts!), so I need to get rest when I can!!

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Leaving For Cleveland Tomorrow.....

......at 5:30am!!!!! Which means I have to be up by 5am to just get myself alive and dressed and ready to go. YUCKO!! I don't think I've been up that early since I used to sub after getting out of college!! I purposely didn't take a nap today, so I'd be so exhausted by 9, and it actually worked out! It's almost 9:30, I have to take Revatio in maybe 10 minutes, and I'm ready to pass out!

I hope to have pictures to post tomorrow. I'm supposed to meet Tracie and her little son, Ryan, tomorrow on the way home from my appts. I am soooooo excited!! I still hope it works out! Ryan is one of my favorite little guys on the PH boards (well all the kids are my favorites!), and he is going off Flolan soon. I am happy for him, and I hope he never has to be on it again!

I have a feeling I've typed all this already in another blog, but maybe I'm too tired to remember. So, off I go to bed!!

Friday, July 11, 2008

Food Stamp Update!!

So I called my food stamp worker yet this morning. This time he answered! I told him I had called yesterday asking about why I couldn't eat in July. He said it was an error (that no doubt he made), and that if I called the number on my food stamp card after 1oam, I should have my stamps. He was very nice about it (most of the people working there have such horrible attitudes!!), and I thanked him for fixing everything.

So I called a little after 10 to see if I really got the money. I had to call twice after hearing the little voice lady tell me I had over $400! What?????? I am supposed to get $152 a month, and I have over 400???? I called my mom to tell her, and she said I better call the caseworker back to make sure that's not a mistake! I did, but left a message for him. I hope he does call me back. The last thing I need is for them to decide at a later time that I got over paid, and then they take it back from me when I've already used them!!

Although it has been fun picturing all the steaks, salmon, crab, and any other expensive items I could buy! LOL

***UPDATE!!*** My caseworker just called me to say that the $400 was another mistake he made. No shit!!!! Apparently I am his first case!! Grrrr!!! He said I had to go down to the office and sign a piece of paper allowing them to take 2 months back. I told him I couldn't come until Tuesday. He said that was fine. Now I have to remember to actually go on Tuesday!! Why couldn't he make a mistake with someone else!!!! lol

In other news.....my Grandma is apparently coming up today. She called my mom last night to let her know. Talk about last minute. lol Hopefully I'll get to see her tomorrow! I'm going out to dinner tonight with my two best friends, so I know I won't see her tonight.

And in other other news.....I go to Cleveland on Monday for my PH appts. I will be also meeting a new cardiologist who specializes in congenital heart issues. My dad will only be coming with me since my mom got a part time job watching an elderly woman for a few hours a day, and she is supposed to start on Monday morning. I think the money is great for them, they could certainly use it! Anyway, on the way back home from Cleveland, we are supposed to stop in Erie, PA like we usually do, and will hopefully be meeting Ryan and his mom, Tracie! Ryan is a little guy who has PH, and he will shortly be off Flolan, one of the treatments for PH. I have adored this kid since Tracie has been posting, and I can't wait to be able to meet them!!

Ok, I better go, I have lots to do today before babysitting. And then going to dinner. Ahhhh, busy day ahead!!

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Mmmmm, Fooooooood

My best friend, Eve (the one coming home in September for good!!), is here in town until Sunday. She took her son, her mom, and me out to lunch today down in Lewiston, at The Silo. It was a blast! Her mom is absolutely hilarious, and it is no wonder where Eve has gotten her humor!

After lunch, Eve took me to Tops, a grocery store chain in this area. She got me fruits, veggies, some cereal, milk and juice, and yogurt. That was what I needed most. The fresh stuff doesn't seem to last long, which stinks! But I am so thankful to her, and to all my family and friends who offered to get me groceries. I remember when I first applied for food stamps years ago, I felt so horrible for needing them. But this stupid incident made me realize how much I actually NEED them. And I am so grateful for programs out there that help the people who need food, shelter, assistance the most. If it wasn't for stuff like that, I just don't know where I'd be!

By the way, I did try calling my caseworker today. After being transferred to at least 5 different people, someone told me a different person actually had my case, and tried transferring me to that person. Well, they transferred me to a fax machine!! So I had to hang up, call back again, and ask for the person who had my file. And of course, he wasn't at his desk. I left a message, but have not heard back from him, and now the office is closed. Soooooo, I will be calling again tomorrow!! If worse comes to worse, I'll just end up driving myself down to the building. But if that happens, it means I will be in a very pissy mood, and I might end up yelling. You don't think that could come out of lil' ole me?? Ooooooh, you betcha it can!! LOL! When I am aggravated enough, I can get really really bitchy! Just ask Eve today. She was calling me Evil Schnelly when I was arguing with her about prices in the cereal aisle!! LOL!

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Crappy Wednesday

I'm having a shitty day, emotionally. The main problem is that I haven't gotten my food stamps for this month. Apparently, no one thought I needed to eat in July. I usually get them electronically on the 6th of every month, no matter if it's a weekend or a holiday. Well, the 6th came and went. I called Monday morning to make sure I got my food stamps before going out, and I only had 8 bucks that I had left from last month. UGH. I tried calling my caseworker, but he wasn't accepting calls or voicemails. I tried calling the main office, and they weren't accepting calls or voicemails either. I waited until today, the 9th, to see if I'd get them because when I was recently recertified, my new date of getting food stamps for the month is the 9th. Called this morning, still 8 bucks. UGH. Soooo, I tried my caseworker again, and the phone rang until I got someone at the main office. Wednesdays are appointment days, and the caseworkers don't take calls. The guy I talked to tried helping me, but he couldn't figure out what my CW did to make me skip July food stamps. So I am supposed to call again tomorrow. What a pain in my ass.

I was telling my sister about it last night at my parents' house, and my mom said to me "You have a savings account, just take money out and buy yourself food." If it wasn't for the fact that we had company, I probably would have lost it on her. I know she doesn't know how much I have in the bank, but she always says stuff that makes it seem like I'm this poor person with lots of spare money in my accounts. If it wasn't for the fact that I need to pay the water bill this month, maybe I would have spare money to get food. UGH. I am just so stressed out about money all the time. I broke down and bawled in the shower this morning. I know things will work out, but this is just not what I needed.

Thursday, July 03, 2008

Duh, How Could I Forget??

Remember this very vague statement back in May??? Vague Statement

Well, if you've noticed my new countdown tracker on my blog, then you see that my best friend is coming back home!! Eve has been living in the NYC area for at least 5 years, and her ex-husband FINALLY actually got a transfer back to Buffalo, which means Eve's transfer back to Buffalo is happening in September!! Right before my birthday!! I cried the day she finally told me she was coming home for GOOD! Eve and her ex work for the government, and the only reason they were moving together was for the sake of their son (my godson). They didn't want to be far apart from each other, so that it was easy for their son to see both his parents on a regular basis. So anyway, I am just sooooo, soooooo thrilled! I have known Eve since my freshman year in high school, and she is one of my 2 best friends. Every time she's come home for the holidays or something else, we've always gotten together, and we always hoped one day we'd see each other whenever we wanted because she was back here in WNY. Well, that day will be here very soon!!

Actually, Eve and her boyfriend will be staying here from July 9-13th, so I will be seeing her before September!! Yaaaaaaaaaay!!

Summertime

I decided to change my blog background a bit, and do a new playlist for the summertime. I wanted summer-ish songs, and so the first one I thought of was Will Smith's big hit back in the day called "Summertime." So I typed in summertime, and realized just how many songs there are with that title! My new playlist includes songs called "Summertime," and many of them are pretty cool!