August 1, 2009
I woke up at 6am, and thought about looking out the window for a possible deer siting. I was just too tired to do it. So a little after 7, I woke up again to take Revatio and took a quick peek. Nothing. I woke up again close to 10am. After breakfast, a shower, and getting dressed, I felt like I already needed a nap. Grandma told me just to go lay down since we weren't doing much, so I came upstairs for awhile. I guess I feel better. I'm not totally sure.

We are supposed to visit mom's Uncle Eddy in a bit, and then go to church, then to Aunt Beverly's for dinner. I'd like to ask Beverly about hosting a jewelry party for Mandy and me. She knows quite a few people, and she loves hosting parties! I can't see her saying no!

I don't know what it is about this trip, but I feel more and more that perhaps I need to go talk to someone again like I did years ago when I was dealing with so many emotions. Mason's death is one blatantly obvious reason to go, but the death of another friend I used to work with almost a month after he died has also hit me. They both died way before their time. Of course, in God's eyes, it probably was their time to go. I makes me look at my health condition and question when I'm supposed to go. if you read info and statistics on people living with Eisenmenger's, their life span is definitely not much longer past 50. Add PH to the mix, and who knows? I am feeling pretty good these days, but who's to say it's going to stay that way? I guess it's just a lot of fear. I'm trying to handle it, but perhaps talking to a professional again will help me once more.
Well, as usual, plans didn't exactly happen the way they were supposed to. I didn't go to the creek. I guess I probably won't, since tomorrow morning is supposed to be rainy. Mom went and said there is water flowing. She likes to take a rock from the creek to bring home for her garden, so she did get one. I was too tired to go with her, and when I woke up from my nap, it was too warm to walk out there. Oh well, maybe another time.

We also didn't get to visit Uncle Eddy. By the time Grandma was ready to go, we had time to get to 4pm mass in Elmira, as long as we didn't go to see him. He was at mass, though, so mom got to say hello for a few minutes. I think he's 88?? Someone said something about turning 89 soon, and I think they were referring to Eddy. Anyway. We drove back to Grandma's to pick up a couple things, and then went to Beverly's.

Another plan that didn't work out was asking Beverly about hosting a jewelry party. She said she didn't do those type of things, even for me. It took me back a bit, but oh well. I tried!

Dinner was good, and we sat around talking for awhile. I hung out with my cousin, Tori, for a bit before we left. I can't believe she's going to be a junior in high school already! Her sister, Jessie, will be a freshman. She is extremely gifted in art. She can really do well with people. I'm really impressed!

We got back to Grandma's near 10pm, watched TV, and then I chatted with Joanie for awhile. Now I'm off to bed and really hoping for a better sleep. I don't want to be sleepy on the ride home because I need to make sure mom is keeping her eyes on the road!


Jen said…
Ya know..Manny told me recently that I may need to talk to someone..some days I just do not know..I just feel..out of place??Not even sure..I know with losing Mason and does make us question our life and what if and when...
Just know I am always have helped me so much and I hope I can do the same...

Luv ya...Hugs :))
Cathy said…
Colleen, Im with you, other things going on with me make me question also. My hubs says I look very sad, He tells me that after I finally accepted PH that I was more happy person. And now Im not.
Mason is the least person I expected to leave so soon. I still can not believe he is gone. But you know what. It helps me to talk to you and Jen.. I feel that Mason has connected us more.. even though I am afraid of getting to close now.. I am happy to have you both!And I hope that you know that you can always come to me. I am here for you :)
Hugs!! Loca, LOL

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