Thursday, September 02, 2010

So-So

It's hard to tell if my ear is getting better. The achiness is there, but it's not even near excrutiating. I think it's mostly bothersome. My sinuses are still draining, maybe more so now that I have the stronger antibiotic. I think that's a good sign. My head this morning just hurt before I even got up. The frustration of it all is wearing me thin. I did take an Excedrin around noon, and the headache and my ear are, for the moment, at peace. While this is good news, the fact that I don't have energy for much is not. I skipped rehab again today. I still need to go shopping for stuff, and yet that task is daunting. So, I haven't tried going. And my guilty conscience is eating at me. Saturday morning is my best friend's bridal shower. I don't have anything for her, but I don't even think I can make it. I know she would say it's ok. But deep down, it's not ok with me. And yet, I have to just shrug it off somehow. Saturday is also my BIL's birthday. I wanted to get him something, too, but once again, it hasn't happened yet. I know he won't care, either. But......

I hate disappointing people. I hate disappointing myself. I should be used to having to say no to something sometimes, but it still really bothers me when I have to. I feel as if I'm failing my family and friends, even when I know that they understand (and sometimes I wonder if they really do). I'm sure I'm not the only one with PH or any chronic illness who feels the same way. I just wish that these feelings wouldn't come up over and over again, no matter how hard I try to not let it bother me.

1 comment:

Jen said...

Aww Hugs Loca...I so understand, I think you do so much for others, it is OK to say No at times..even though it is disappointing to us, otehrs understand..Take care of you first!! Love ya lots!!!