A New Month, Winter Chill Is Finally Showing Up

 February starts this week, and with it is coming the coldest temperatures we've had all winter so far. It'll be in the 20s or teens most of the week. I don't like that at all. I will be leaving my house at least twice this week for appointments. Tomorrow is the dentist, but I don't think it'll be really frigid tomorrow. If I feel up to it afterward, I might try to go get a few things to make a beef stew in the crock pot. I haven't had that in ages. 

Wednesday, I will be having a massage for the first time in forever, too! I am hoping to make it a monthly thing. I found out last week that due to some NY State changes to Medicaid, I am suddenly no longer needing to pay for my medical, which was shocking to me. I actually had to call the Social Service office to try to understand what happened. I've been paying for my Medicaid for years, which is fine. I have a ton of medical issues, and so I need my Medicaid. But now, I guess I make too little income and I no longer have to pay for Medicaid. Ummmmm, ooooook. My caseworker told me I could "Take care of myself." Well, guess what then???? I have been wanting to get massages at least monthly for the longest time, I just couldn't really afford it. Well, at least for now I can!! I have a friend who is a massage therapist who I've know forever (we actually were born in the same hospital on the same day! lol), and I will be going to her. I am hoping maybe some regular massage will help me with anxiety? Maybe. I'm trying everything.

I had a nice weekend, but I am anxious pretty much my entire day even though I am doing all the things. I guess on Friday when I have my appointment with my therapist, I will have to tell her I need to see the psychiatrist sooner than March. I'm really not looking forward to that. I know he can increase my current medication one more time, but I honestly don't know if that will even help. So in the meantime, I keep getting up every day and doing the best I can. I'm eating despite my stomach not feeling great. I'm exercising, which does help to a point most of the time. I'm meditating every day, sometimes a couple of times. I'm taking my vitamins, I'm eating pretty healthy, I'm cleaning on days when I need to, writing cards to seniors, reading, painting. I'm doing stuff to keep me busy, but the anxiety doesn't seem to care about any of that and is just there, either at a dull point or blatantly obvious. So, I don't know what else I can be doing. I added the Vitamin D increase because I thought maybe that would help, but I don't think with 3 pills so far that it's increased that much. Do I keep living the way I have been while waiting or just get an earlier appointment with the psychiatrist? I know the answer. I just kept having hope that what I have been doing would suddenly kick in, and it's not. So, I will do my best this week and on Friday I will have to tell my therapist what has been going on since I last talked to her (when my anxiety was actually not around). 

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