March On

I'd like to know where the time goes. It's already the 3rd month of 2011, and it just keeps moving progressively and rather quickly toward the end of the year. Maybe that's a bit exaggerated, but seriously, the older I get, the faster the days seem to blow away.

I cannot really explain what it is about the month of March that I don't like. I think it's an unsettling month, especially with the weather. Although Spring starts in March, it never really feels like it. One day it may rain (like today), and another day it might snow (like tomorrow). It's still not warm in March, and I still can't take down any of the plastic surrounding my windows. I don't know, I just find March very blah. Sorry to those of you who like this month!

Perhaps March reminds me of when my Grandpa S. died in 1994. He spent almost the entire month in the hospital after falling down the stairs at his apartment. He was beyond unhappy to be there, constantly ripping out IVs and trying to get out of bed until they had to strap him down. My parents were trying to figure out a place for him to go after he would be released from the hospital, and I remember going to a place with them to check it out. Grandpa would've never been happy there because all he wanted to do was to go home. So on March 24th, he went home alright. He passed away peacefully in the hospital. He was the first person I was close to who had died. I was 18 at the time. It was devastating to me, and it took me many years to finally be ok with his loss.

Last year in March, the 16th to be exact, was a day that I thought would've made the month so much better when Euan got his call for a heart transplant in the wee hours of that day. By the evening, he was gone. It's hard to believe that it's almost been a year, because I still feel as if it happened just yesterday. The emotional roller coaster of that day still haunts me, and I still cry once in awhile because I know he isn't here. It certainly didn't make March a more appealing month for me.

Of course, I do recognize that I have 2 good friends who look forward to this month because they celebrate another year of life. One of them has a birthday on the same day Euan died, so it's a bittersweet day, I suppose. Their days are special to them, so I try to keep that in mind!

Maybe one day March won't feel so blah to me. Maybe it'll just be another month to celebrate for different reasons, and on the days my Grandpa and Euan died, I can just remember the good times and special memories we once shared. I hope to think positively about the month at some point in my life!!


Jen said…
Wow...maybe why you have felt so "Blah" lately. I am sure it affects you . I hope that you can enjoy some of the month but understand how it is rough on you. I know I have not been around much but I am always here for ya...Love ya Loca!! Hugs :)

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