Wednesday, March 16, 2011

A Calm Day

I wasn't sure what today would bring or how I'd be feeling. A year ago, Euan died. It was the worst emotional rollercoaster I'd been on in a long time, somehow even worse than when Mason died. Emotions soared so high when I found out he was having his heart transplant that I was crying with elation and happiness and disbelief that he finally was getting his 2nd chance. By the end of the night the grief and devastation of his unexpected loss was crushing, and the tears were constant. I'm not sure I'll ever forget that day.

I never stopped thinking about Euan for the entire year after he left us. He's always been on my mind, and from time to time, I still shed a tear because I miss him so much. But today, I don't know. Today wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I got a little emotional a couple times, but I didn't feel overwhelming sadness. I know that Euan's in a better place, and I know that one day I will see him again. I know I will carry him in my heart forever. I just think that because I've been remembering him all year, today wasn't unbearable, being that it was a year since he's been gone.

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