Chilling, Chillin', and Other Happenings

It is still cold up here in WNY, but not as bad as the past couple days. I still haven't gone outside, but I will be venturing out tomorrow. Hopefully. We are getting a lot of snow here, after an afternoon of rain/freezing rain/hail. I'm only going down the street to my parents' house, but still, that drive can be treacherous! But tomorrow is my dad's birthday, so we are having pizza and wings. Mmmmm, that can't keep me away!

Today was another day of resting and taking it easy. I am still playing that game of Am I Getting Sick, Or Is It Just My Sinues Driving Me Insane? It's really not a fun game, and I'm tired of playing it! I woke up this morning feeling tired, so after my shower, I fell asleep again for an hour. I made some earrings for a friend of mine, and watched tv. It really wasn't an eventful day, but I need those kind of days when I'm not sure how I'm feeling.

I talked with my friend, Tom, on the computer today, for quite a while. I hadn't talked to him in a few months. We were chatting about this and that, and while I still consider him a great friend, it it sometimes hard to talk to him. My feelings for him were so intensely strong for a long time, a LONG time, that those feelings are still there. They are under the surface, and won't ever return again, but nevertheless, they are there. And I'm not sure they will ever go away.

So anyway, as we were talking, he told me that for 9 months, he was with this woman who is married. I already knew this because his brother had told me, but he thought it would catch me offguard. I told him I wasn't surprised, since he hasn't been the only friend I've had who has been involved with a married person. Anyhow, we got to talking about being single, and meeting that right person (with me thinking in my head that he wouldn't be single if he had given me a chance...whatever lol), and I ended up telling him that I have gotten to the point where I don't even think my life is about meeting someone and being in love. And that I don't even care that I'm not with someone, since I'm happy with my life right now, and all that matters to me are my family and close friends.

But after talking with him, I've been thinking...am I really happy with no one in my life? Do I really not want to be with anyone at all? My feelings are so mixed about this, since I have a hard time finding anyone who wants to deal with my health issues. I think that's why I blow it off, because I think that no one will want to bother being with someone who gets tired a lot, wears oxygen, and can't work because of a stupid illness. It gets tiring to feel this way, and it feels quite lonely. So I don't know, half of me does hope I find someone who is willing to be with me, and half of me hopes I won't have to deal with someone else. It's aggravating feeling this way!

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