*Editor's Note: This is written by Mittens. He wanted to tell his own version of what happened today!*
I woke up this morning when I heard Mommy get up, as usual. I greeted her immediately, and as usual she said her good mornings and asked how my night was. Why can't she just skip all that and get right to feeding me breakfast?? I don't care that she has to put in her eyes and everything. Geesh. This particular morning, she kept saying something about going to the vet. She had been saying that for days now, like I was supposed to understand who or where the vet is. All I wanted was food!
Mommy finally fed me, and she began her morning ritual of eating breakfast and reading news on the computer. She's always on that darn machine, can't she give it a rest?? Anyway, I went about my business, checking up on her every once in awhile. She kept mentioning that vet. She was starting to make me nervous.
Mommy went to lay down for awhile, she had said something about not feeling well today. That happens, and I just let her be. But after awhile, she was moving around again. She caught me in her computer chair, though. I froze, she froze, and I really thought she was going to start yelling as usual. I know I'm not allowed in her precious chair, but it's soooo comfortable. However, for some reason, she let me stay in it. She didn't come running in for me to get out. I was a bit confused. Just for my own safety, I decided to jump out of it anyway.
A bit later, Mommy started moving about like someone was coming. She put the kitchen chair in front of one of my favorite escape zones, the kitchen cupboards. She also shut her bedroom door. Oh man, did I start to panic. Next thing I knew, she let Grandma in the house. Oh gosh, what was she doing here?? I really tried to hide in the cupboard, but man, Mommy blocked it well. But then, Mommy started tempting me with drugs. She calls it catnip, but I think it's heaven! Ooooh, she was trying to offer it to me, and then when I'd get close, she kept backing up. Right near the big black canvas luggage-looking item on the floor. She threw the catnip in there, and I started going in to get it, and the next thing I knew, Mommy is trying to shove my entire ass in there!! What the bleep???? I start panicking more, and then Grandma came over to help Mommy out. They were laughing and laughing, but I did not find it one bit funny!! Didn't they see me trying to struggle back out of that thing?? And then they finally zipped me in there, and I was trapped. Oh the humanity!! What did Mommy think she was doing?? I sat in that black bag crying and whining, and she just wouldn't let me out. I began to plot my revenge.
Eventually, Mommy and Grandma picked me up and started taking me out of the house. Out of the house! I have always wanted to go out of the house, but Mommy never lets me!! And now she was letting me, but I was trapped in a big black bag! Grandma put me in this thing they called a van. Mommy sat next to me, and tried petting me on the way to wherever we were going. I was starting to think it was that vet Mommy kept talking about. I kept up with the constant crying. Apparently Mommy still can't understand me. After almost 7 years of owning her, she still doesn't speak my language. It's rather annoying. I did sense that she felt bad, though. She kept telling me she loved me and she didn't want to bring me to the vet. Well why the heck was she??
Finally the van stopped. Grandma and Mommy got out, and brought me into a building. I sensed other animals in there. Mommy signed me in, and within 5 minutes, they were bringing me into a really small room. Mommy was told to get me out of the bag, so they could put me on something called a scale. At least Mommy got to hold me for a hot minute! We left that small room, and rounded a corner to the scale. I heard some people gasping and saying "Wow, he's big!" Mommy put me on the scale, and it said I weighed 20 pounds. Dang, I'm so surprised Mommy can even hold me! Then she picked me back up again, and brought me back in the small room. She put me on this cold shiny table, and I proceeded to crawl right back into that black bag. I mean come on, I felt I was more than ready to go home by then!
Eventually, this woman came into the room. She said she was a Dr. Apparently she was new to the place. Mommy proceeded to tell this Dr. that I've been having issues with licking. Geesh, Mommy, you've seen me do it for almost 7 years, don't you think it's normal? I guess I've been doing it too much lately. It has been a bit annoying. I've got a few red patches of skin in some areas, and I really do feel like I'm just licking the hours away. This Dr. started to pull my fur and look into my eyes. Then she was trying to pry my mouth open. For the love people, leave me alone! I was trying to tell them that, but again, they didn't understand me!! Anyway, the Dr. said something about cortizone. She talked about some other shots, too, that I might need. Like rabies and heartworm stuff. She told Mommy it was up to her if I had all that stuff, too, but I guess Mommy didn't really want me to go through all that as well. How kind of her to think of me. The Dr. left and I thought it was all over. But noooooo. She came back in, all quiet and talking to Mommy. Mommy held my head, petting me so nice like she usually does, and all of a sudden, I felt this sharp pain in my butt!! WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT??? That Dr. was NOT nice at all!! All that time she kept saying "there there, my friend, you are alright" as she was checking me was such a lie. She is not my friend, she just stuck something sharp in my ass!! After she did that, Mommy and Grandma opened my black carrier again, and I gladly got back in it. I had enough with this place!
Grandma brought me back to the van, and Mommy stayed inside the building for a few minutes to do something. I think she was paying those people for my torture session! Mommy came out and back to the van. She told Grandma that it wasn't as bad as she thought, she only paid $62 for what just happened inside. I feel a tad bit sad for her, for she used some of the money she saved for the new Harry Potter book to help me. But if she had just let me alone in the first place, she wouldn't have had to do that. Suits her right!
Grandma drove Mommy and I back home. Mommy kept saying on the way that we were almost there, but it seemed to take forever. Finally, we got there, and Grandma brought me back in the house. Mommy opened that darn bag, and I was free!! Back home! Away from the madness!! Away from that crazy Dr. and her sharp objects!! Mommy kept telling me I was a good boy. Of course, I was a good boy. I really didn't have any options there, did I? She gave me catnip! Whoooo hooo! What a way to end that tortuous event. I sure hope I never go through that again!
Mommy said the same thing!