Welcome To My Pity Party

I've been feeling a little blah lately, and it could be for a few reasons. Mind you, this isn't feeling sick blah. This is an emotional blahness. I go through it once in a while, but this time, I just decided to write about it. I hope my blahness doesn't spread.

I could be blah because it's the umpteenth day of heat and humidity, and it is making everyone go crazy. Although, I have to admit I'm not really complaining too much. In the middle of winter, I'll be dreaming of days like this. I'm NOT a cold winter person. It's probably the reason why I enjoy a fan on me in this heat rather than the air conditioning. I just freeze!

I could be blah because there is no one living upstairs from me right now. I miss my sister, and I miss my little niece. Yes, I've seen them plenty of times since they moved, but there's a quiet in the house that is there if I'm not playing my music or watching tv. There's no dog running amok, no sound of footsteps, no sound of the baby crying. It's an eerie silence that I really don't care for most of the time!

I could be blah because I'm worried that eerie silence will continue for another month or more, since we are having no luck finding anyone to move upstairs. And for some reason, I feel awfully guilty about that. My parents bought this house mainly so I could have a place to move out, a place of my own, without being too far away from them if I had a serious health problem to deal with. When they bought it, there was a lady living upstairs. After a couple years, she moved out, and it was a couple months before my sister decided to move in. And now, there is no one up there, and I am just worried that my parents are losing serious money because they are trying to help me out.

I could be blah because ever since Mandy moved out, I have started to realize just how alone I feel. I usually blow it off that I don't care that I'm not with someone, or dating someone. It's a front I put up most of the time, when there really are times that I wish I had a person in my life besides my family and friends. I have to admit that I miss Tom, but I also admit even more that I truly wish I could meet Euan very soon. I know I probably sound like a broken record. It's just that there is something about Euan that makes me feel very connected to him, and that isjust through talking with him for a long time. It drives me nuts that we haven't met yet, and it's almost been 2 years of talking to him!

I could be blah because of the money crunch I'm going through. Well actually, when don't I go through it? lol I'm always so strapped for cash. And it stinks. I can't get a full time job because I don't think I could physically handle it. Working a part time job would be hard because not only do I need to make sure I have oxygen wherever I go, I also would like to keep my disability. This means I can only earn a certain amount each month. Or work a certain number of hours. And I haven't come across anything I could really do part time. If only I could find work on the computer at home that is legit! Besides the jewelry!

There are a few other unimportant reasons that could be making me feeling blah, but I think I'm tired of sharing them all. I know I've blah'd myself out. This feeling won't last too long, it's just been the past few days that I've been feeling like this. I've been stuck in my house too long making necklaces and earrings. Maybe I'll take myself out for ice cream. Oh wait, that requires money...a freezie pop it is!!

Written by melonlady1724 . Link to this entry
This entry has 1 comments: (Add your own)
((hugs!!)) ~ Lori Comment from fitzzer - 8/11/05 9:43 AM

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