Sunday, August 31, 2008

A Little Misunderstanding, A Bit of Hope, And Other Stuff!

Yesterday was a rather busy day! I wasn't exactly sure what to do with myself for the day, so I decided after breakfast to walk on the treadmill, instead of waiting til after dinner later on. I wasn't even into walking for a minute when my mom called. She asked me if I had been praying about the apartment, and I said YES! Why?? She asked if I remembered a lady named Diane O. The name rang a bell, and I asked if she used to go to church. My mom said yes, and that Diane also loves animals, which I also remembered about her. Well, I guess someone told Diane about the apartment when it was in the church bulletin a couple months ago. But at the time, Diane was dealing with her mother who was dying from cancer, and she just didn't want to think about it. However, yesterday, she finally called. She apparently is extremely interested in the apartment, and is supposed to come this week some time to see it. I was soooo happy when my mom told me! I told my mom I was rather relieved because I really didn't want someone from Caroline House coming to live here, and that I'd been having nightmares about it. My mom was like, why?? I said, "Well isn't that the place for battered women?" My mom said no! It is a shelter for women, but it's for women who are homeless for one reason or another, and they try to help the women get back on their feet so they are able to provide for themselves, and eventually be on their own again. Ohhhhhhhhhhh. Somehow, either my mom explained it wrong the first time, or I just didn't listen or hear it correctly. I apologized for misunderstanding that!

So anyway, I am so very hopeful Diane really wants the apartment. From what I remember about her, she was always so nice. She even offered to watch Lady, our first family dog, years ago when we were supposed to be going somewhere. I'm not sure where she's been going to church, but it's been so long since I've seen her. I am just saying lots of prayers that she will become my new housemate!! I really would like someone I at least know about, rather than a complete stranger, or a college kid!!

I got off the phone with my mom and continued to walk. No, I had not been walking while on the phone with her, I would just die if I did that! lol I had all the thoughts of a possible housemate in my head, I was still loving my fabulous hairdo, and I was thinking of other things, and next thing I know, I walked half a mile! I haven't done that in quite a long time! I don't know if that was because I walked a lot earlier in the day than I normally have been, or what. It was a nice feeling though!

About an hour after walking, my mom and I went out to Walmart, then to Aldi's so I could stock up on some fish. Then we went to Blackwind's, a local pet store here, so my mom could get some stuff for Shelby (the cute little silly mutt of theirs!). My mom told me I couldn't get a fish. lol She was only kidding! I bought a new betta, for my bedroom, to replace the one that just died a few days ago. I just love bettas, they are so pretty! I'm back up to having 6 again. Hard to believe I had 9 of them at one point. That's a lot of fish around the house! And it's a blessing that Mittens doesn't give a crap about them, either!!

By the time I got home, I was so beat! I put away my stuff, put the new fishy in the bowl and in my room, and I took about a half hour nap with Mittens. Then I got up and walked down to my parents' house for dinner. Gosh, we had a lot to eat! Homemade pizza, salad, fried zucchini rings, chicken wings, corn on the cob, and fried dough were on the menu! Everything was very yummy, and once again I didn't have to snack on anything for the rest of the night! I got home a bit after dinner, and just chilled for the rest of the evening on the couch. It was really a pretty good day!

Today, I was rather tired even after I got up. But I got ready for church, had breakfast, and went to mass with my mom. Church was so cold, that breathing in that cold air actually was making me a bit sick to my stomach. I was freezing, it was just the breathing that was bugging me. My mom said she didn't think it was cold enough! Kinda funny how opposite people can be from each other! After mass was over, a lady I see all the time at church asked me if I had my hair cut, and said that it looked so good on me! That was rather nice of her to notice! After my mom dropped me off at my house, I chatted on the phone with my good friend, Karen, for quite awhile. After that, I had some lunch, and while eating, I just had this overwhelming feeling of needing to take a nap. Man, I was just so tired! By that time it was around 2:30. I brought my Revatio into the bedroom with some water, since I take it around 3, got the cat out of the cupboard so he could nap with me (awwww), and fell asleep for about 20 minutes. I got up, took Revatio, and then fell asleep again. Mandy woke me up when she called me to tempt me with beads she saw at Hallmark (bad Mandy!). Thank goodness she called, since it was 5! I really had a long nap! I made dinner, ate it, and now I just don't know what to do! I am still really tired. Maybe my 2 days of being out almost all day, and keeping busy, have caught up with me. Guess I'll be resting for the remainder of the evening, and maybe tomorrow, too!

Friday, August 29, 2008

A New Look!

Remember the long hair? I mean the really long hair? Here's the last pic I took in July with the long hair:


Here are pictures of my new hairdo, after getting many inches cut off today by my hairdresser, Megan! She was beyond excited to cut that much off, because I usually only let her cut off one or two inches. I really needed a little change, though, and although I thought I was gonna cry when she was finished, I LOVE my new look!! Whoooo hoooo!! Now if only I had a hot date tonight, things would be so much better! LOL!



Dream!

I swear, I should change my blog to Daily Dreams. I've been keeping track of the ones I really remember lately! Anyway, I had one this morning about the apartment upstairs. In the dream, I gave my mom my 30 days notice of moving out, because she decided to rent the apartment upstairs to someone she didn't bother checking out beforehand. Then my mom got so upset, but I said I already had another place I was going to move into, and there was nothing to discuss. Then I woke up. Not a very long dream, but it certainly does describe how I've been feeling lately about the apartment.

My mom has told various places about the apartment. She sent an application in to one of the local colleges. She had it advertised in our church bulletin for a couple weeks, but that didn't yield anything. She told me she wrote a letter to Caroline House, which is a home for sheltered women. Yesterday she told me the director called her to let her know she had a few people in mind who might want the apartment. One of them is a developmentally disabled person. Please don't get me wrong, and think that I hate those type of people or anything, because I certainly don't. I have an aunt who is mentally challenged, and the neighbor next door is, too. They are awesome people most of the time, and they are very diligent in what they do. It's just that I'm a person who likes my own space, and I honestly feel that this lady would probably be knocking on my door a lot. I'm sure that sounds terrible to say that. I'm really not being prejudiced, but then again, maybe I am. I really don't know her. Anyway, that isn't as bad as thinking of having a woman here who has an abusive husband or boyfriend they are trying to escape. What happens if he finds out where she's living, and shows up at the door?? Did my mom even think of that?? Honestly, I don't think my mom thinks of my safety when she's trying to get a renter. It's more like she's grasping at any opportunity to rent the place. I mean, I can't blame her. They are losing money like water with having to pay half of the mortage because they don't have rent money for upstairs. But hello?? A women's shelter?? Ugh!

This is causing me undo stress. I'm trying not to get too upset about it since nothing is happening right now, but I can't help it. Trying to talk to my mom about it isnt' going to do much either, except make her mad that I'm objecting. Seriously, my biggest worry is that she's going to screw herself over again by not requiring security deposit, a background check, first and last month's rent. She's so desparate to rent that she doesn't think of doing these things. I wish that I could be the one to find a person to live upstairs. I sure as hell would cover my ass in regards to where this person is coming from, and if they are actually going to pay the rent. And if they weren't a lunatic or a stalker!! Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!! I seriously just wish I knew someone who wanted to rent an apartment!! I'd feel so much safer!! And I wouldn't be stressing so badly about it!!

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Thoughts

It's been about a year since I last kissed someone. No, I don't mean like giving a family member a kiss hello, or kissing my dear little niece and nephew. I mean, a kiss kiss! The kiss I last had was nice. Actually, it was more than nice, it was pretty awesome. It brought along hopes of a possible future relationship, of more kisses and more hugs, of falling in love. It led to a Fall of hopes, a Winter of looking forward to the warmer weather, and, unfortunately, a Spring that just crumbled everything. The other party had doubts, I guess doubts that I couldn't quite understand, and I just started to pull away. The disappearing acts made me feel like I wasn't that important, that suddenly telling me about thoughts and fears and doubts was something that couldn't be done. It kind of made me feel a little worthless. I pulled my feelings back even more. I was confused, a little angry, a whole lot hurt, just a variety of things. The pulling back on my part actually helped it to not hurt so badly when I was told a break was needed to think things out.

I've actually been nonchalant about the entire thing. Many of my friends tell me they are amazed that I have just been so casual about what happened, but really they don't know that I am actually sad about what went down. I do miss talking to this person. There isn't a day that goes by where I haven't thought about him.

But I also get so irritated with myself every day for being pressured to get rid of my thoughts about everything that had gone on in the past year and a half. I should have never caved. I should've never erased everything. It's as freedom of speech meant nothing. The sad part is that I only erased 12 posts. Over an entire year and a half. Twelve posts in 547.5 days. Twelve posts, almost all of them having to do with my fears and worries about how he was doing since he had "disappeared" for awhile again. That was really the only reason I wrote about him. I wrote when I hadn't heard from him for days, weeks at a time. I wrote about him because emailing him, calling him, emailing him again wasn't getting any responses, and it was making me so scared that something had happened. I don't think he ever got how upsetting that was. I understand that my last several posts were written out of anger, out of completely not understanding why things went downhill. Perhaps I could have worded some stuff better. But obviously, the reason the words were written never meant anything. Just the fact they were there made me feel I had to get rid of them by the person they were about, and I just wish I never did.

I feel like I'm rambling. I'm sure some people reading this are going, HUH? Well, this post is mostly for myself, to put down thoughts I've had for quite some time. If you don't understand it, don't worry about it. lol

Anyway, I have come to the conclusion that perhaps having a special someone in my life isn't supposed to happen for me. I know, I'm only 32, and I'm saying this. But really, I've had that feeling for a long time. Every time I fall for someone, it just doesn't work out. I keep being told that someone is out there, it'll happen when I'm not expecting it, yada yada. Well, maybe it will. Maybe it won't. I think the important thing for me is that I have a LOT of special someones in my life already, through my family and friends. I can pay my bills, despite still being poor. I have a "kid," I can take care of him. I have a roof over my head. I have clothes, I have food. I may struggle with money most of the time, but I can cover the basics. Sure, I get lonely every once in awhile. I miss hugs and kisses with a guy, of being intimate. But it's not a constant feeling of despair that I'll never have someone. I was that way several years ago, I would get so depressed with not having a boyfriend. I guess I've just grown more independent, and not so worried about having that. At least that's how I feel right now. Things might change at some point. Who knows!

Monday, August 25, 2008

Same Stuff, Different Day

I am a creature of habit. I like doing a lot of the same routines every day. I like keeping things in order. I don't really change things around much in my house, everything has it's place, and that's where it usually stays. I think it's my Virgo personality! It comes out even in my jewelry. I try to come up with patterns that are askew and different, but I always end up making necklaces that have a precise pattern. I just can't seem to help it!! lol

So, last night, I had to pull my bed away from the wall because poor Mittens got sick for like the 5th time that day (thank goodness he's alright today), and I had to get it up. I know, not the greatest story so far. lol Anyway, before I pushed the bed back to the way it was, I kinda thought, hmmmm, what would it look like to have my bed in an angle, coming from, the corner of the room? I thought about it, then decided to shove my bed to get it to the way I thought it would look ok. Thank goodness I no longer have the carpet, or I would never have been able to move the bed so easily! So I got the bed positioned, and just kept looking at it. Part of me loved it, part of me kept thinking this is SO not the norm!! I decided to just keep it that way for the night, and ended up going to bed awhile later.

This morning, I decided to move the bed back. But, I wasn't going to do it right away since I needed to eat breakfast and get dressed. When I turned on my phone after feeding Mittens, I listened to a message from my best friend, Erin, asking if I wanted to have a play date with her daughter today. Cool! So, I decided not to move the bed back yet, until I got home later.

However, the bed is still in the same position that I pulled and pushed it into last night, and I'm still not sure if I want to put it back. What's bugging me most is that I had to shove my nightstand and dresser over quite a bit in order for there to be a bigger space for me to get in between the dresser and the bed, and it just doesn't look right to me. It's that off-balance thing, the out-of-order type of thing that drives me nuts, and making me want to put the bed back, even though I think the change would be nice!! So who knows, I might keep it that way for another day or two, or I might leave it be, and just enjoy the new look!!

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Wacky Dream!!

I was laughing so hard earlier telling Mason about this weird dream I had last night, so I decided I should post it. Why I dreamt it is beyond me! It's the strangest thing I've dreamt about in a long time, and it came out of nowhere!

I dreamt that for some odd reason, my parents had two squirrels as pets, along with Shelby (she's their dog), and they were trying to get the squirrels to learn tricks. The squirrels had these little stuffed animals that my parents were trying to train them to go fetch. (Ok, now I'm starting to laugh hysterically again) I was getting irritated because I wanted one of those stuffed animals for Mittens, because it was the perfect size for him, and he needs a new replacement for his little stuffed bear because it has seen better days. I kept trying to get the stuffed animal away from a squirrel (neither of the squirrels had names), but the stupid thing kept getting it back. And then I woke up!!

I do not know where that dream came from, but it is just so funny to me, that I had to write it down!! I tell ya, sometimes I wonder where things come from when you dream!!

Friday, August 22, 2008

Hot Friday!!

Today finally felt like summer!! It shot up to 88 degrees, and I loved every minute of it! People think I'm crazy, but I really don't care! lol This summer is ending rapidly, and it hasn't been the warmest, and so when we get these few days of heat, I enjoy them immensely!

I went out to run some errands today. I wore a cute tank top and a white skirt. I felt perty! And cool! I had to go to the post office, then to the drug store, and then I went to Niagara University to visit the people I used to work with. Unfortunately, most of the people weren't there for one reason or another! So I didn't visit for very long, maybe half an hour or so. After that, I decided to stop by where my dad works to visit the gals in the office. I chatted for a bit, and then found my dad in the pipe shop. He was hot and sweaty and bitching. What else was new! I left to go pick up my prescription, and then went home. I spent the rest of the afternoon just reading and taking a little nap with the fan on me in the bedroom. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Tonight has been just relaxing on the couch, watching What Not To Wear on TLC, which I am getting addicted to on Friday nights! I wish I could get a whole new wardrobe, and a makeover! Although the one part I would cringe over is the hair. I would just DIE if someone cut my hair way too short!! Coloring it is one thing, because I don't mind that, but if I had someone who insisted on cutting my hair to a short bob, oh man I would have to just cry!! I actually really want to get my hair cut, maybe so that I have about 4 inches cut off. That is a tiny bit drastic, but my hair would still be past my shoulders. It just wouldn't be halfway down my back like it is now! The only reason I haven't gone yet is because, although my neck is much better than last week, I'm still a little sore with it and I'm afraid trying to get my hair washed might strain it even more. So I'm going to try and wait another week. I'm just taking it day by day!

I have to babysit tomorrow for Mandy, although it should be a piece of cake. My nephew will be sleeping while I'm there, and my niece will be with Mandy and Ron. They are going to Ron's brother, John's, wedding. A wedding that is happening for all the wrong reasons! This is John's second marriage, and I'm not sure this time around is going to last either. Oh well, I could go on and on about that topic, but it's waaaaaay too much to write about, and my wrist is already aching!!

I'm off to read for a bit before bed! I'm still working on The Time Traveler's Wife. It's been ok. I'm not loving it like some people I know who've read it, but I'm not hating it either!

A Little Venting

Last night, my mom pounded on my side door around 9ish. She does that because she thinks ringing the doorbell is going to scare the cat, but she doesn't realize that pounding on the door actually scares the crap out of BOTH the cat and I!! I've told her this before, she apparently just doesn't remember!

Anyway, she started saying something about going to Beaver Island today with Mandy and the kids, and I said no one ever told me anything about it. I told her I had to babysit today, and she asked what time. After I said around 2:30, she started saying that I could still go in the morning, and I just told her I wasn't going to try going and then babysitting a 1yr old. She got a little huffy at me after that, and I said that she should know me by now. I was just a bit irritated with her!!

Some of my phriends have often made comments about family or friends not understanding why they can't do something, or how tired they get if they overdo it. I don't really experience it too often with my family or friends, but the one person who sometimes just doesn't get it is my mom. And you would think that after knowing for almost 33 years how I feel sometimes that she would understand. She has said some things to me that make me so upset sometimes. I try to blow it off, because really, she doesn't understand exactly how I feel. But there are times when it's hard to just ignore. I've tried to talk to her about it before, but that doesn't always seem to work. So mostly, I just try to process it in my head, try to let it go, or vent to someone, especially a phriend. They get it!!

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Man, I'm Tired!!

I had a really nice day today, but I'm so exhausted now, that I might fall asleep typing this entry!! So please, on the off chance that I spell something wrong, or a sentence doesn't make sense, please keep in mind that I was pooped out when typing this!

I didn't have any plans today, except to work on a necklace that is on my tray. However, things changed when Renee asked me about going for coffee with her and Dee! So I thought, sure, why not?? I finished doing some stuff around the house, like drying my hair, putting on makeup, getting a new tank of o2 in my bag, before I headed to Dee's house. She drove out to Amherst, which is about a half hour drive, to meet Renee at Starbucks. We got there a little early, so we just went to order our drinks. I wanted a vanilla bean frappaccino, but they had no cream. Ooook. So Dee wanted a strawberry lemonade smoothie thing, but they had no strawberry syrup. Ummmm, ooooook. What the hell do you have?? So finally Dee asked about raspberry lemonade, and they said they had that. Yes! So, we both had one of those, and I also asked for a piece of banana chocolate chip bread. Mmmmm, that was yummy! Eventually Renee got there, and she ordered her drink. We sat inside for a little bit, but then we moved outside, since it wasn't too bad of a day!

After a couple hours, we decided to go to the teacher store. Dee got an art job for next year (YAY!!), so she wanted to look at some of the posters and things for doing bulletin boards in the room. She has so much stuff of her own, but she was just looking for a couple things! We browsed in there for awhile, and it brought back memories of when I decorated my own classroom for a few brief years. I miss it. I kinda wished I was getting ready to do that again, but I know that will probably never happen for me again. Which I am ok with! But I admit, it took me a long time to get used to that idea.

Anywho, I digress. After the teacher store, Renee went home, and Dee and I went to Joann's Fabrics to look at BEADS. Eeeeeeek!!! My addiction!! Renee told me not to spend too much money, and I said I'd try to resist!! LOL! Dee and I browsed for about 40 minutes. She picked out really pretty aqua/blackish beads, and asked if I could make something with them for her. I found purple beads that would go with the necklace Renee asked if I could fix for her. And I also found beautiful periwinkle beads that I am very excited about!! As we tried to exit the bead area, Dee and I saw gorgeous hand blown glass beads, and one set of them went so well with the periwinkle beads that she said she'd buy them. I'm very excited about all of the beads!!!!

Dee and I decided to get something to eat after our bead excursion. We decided on Bob Evans. After trying to figure out exactly what I wanted, I finally went with the meatloaf dinner, which included one piece of meatloaf (it came with 2, but I only wanted one), mashed potatoes with gravy, and a side salad (which was rather large!). I ate EVERYTHING, and also one biscuit out of two! I don't know where the appetite came from, since I really didn't feel too hungry, but boy, did I eat like there was no tomorrow! I didn't even snack tonight like I usually do, and that's saying something!

So Dee and I went back to her house, and I chatted with her parents for a little bit. They are just such nice people! After awhile, I finally had to go home. I felt like crashing after I got home, but it was only 7:30!! I've just been spending the evening on the couch, chatting a bit with phriends, and reading stuff. However, NOW I am off to bed! I am surprised I have typed this long!! I do have one more thing I want to type about, but I am just going to wait. It's more of a venting session, but I am too tired to keep thinking!! lol

Monday, August 18, 2008

Another Busy Monday

I got up earlier than usual this morning, around 8:45, so that I could get myself dressed and off to the hospital for bloodwork. My PT/INRs were lower than my PH doc wants them, so I had to start taking 4mg of coumadin, and now I have to keep going for bloodwork until we get the right adjustment. I got to the hospital 20 minutes before 1oam, and didn't get out of there until almost 11. Ugh, I hate having to go through the paperwork again when it's not a scheduled draw, and then wait until someone from the lab upstairs to come down because my blood does funny stuff. It was just alot of patient waiting that I had to do! I am hoping I won't have to be back very soon, but since we are still adjusting stuff, I'm sure I'll probably be back next week.

I called Mandy to see if she wanted to go to the mall to a couple stores, but she didn't want to. So I went to the credit union, and then stopped at Wegmans to buy strawberries and more grape juice. The grape juice was on sale, so I got 2 of them. I was excited! I got to the express checkout, and put my stuff down, and went to get my wallet out of my bag. Ugh, no wallet! I left it on the seat of my car. Grrrr! I got out of line, put my stuff in an empty checkout lane, and went outside to get my wallet. Good thing my car was right outside the store in the handicap spot! I went back inside, got my stuff, and got back in line. Talk about being tired. Although I had cranked up the oxygen, I was tired from my stupidity!

I sat in my car for about 5 minutes, on the phone with my friend, Dee. We made plans to meet at the mall in about an hour after I got to Mandy's. So, I went to Mandy's! I bought the strawberries to make strawberry sorbet, since Mandy got an ice cream maker, and she said I could use it to make my own sorbet. It was easy. I had to take the tops off the strawberries and cut them up a little, then put them in the blender. After adding a splash of juice (Mandy let me try tropical mango), and blending, I had to strain most of the seeds so I wouldn't be crunching on seeds in my sorbet! After that, Mandy made a sugar/water mix, and added it to the strawberry stuff. Then I put it in the ice cream maker, turned it on, voila! I'm not sure how much it mixed, since I left Mandy's for the mall about 20 minutes after it started. But I don't think it had to be in there too long before it had to go into the freezer.

I met Dee at the mall. I had to return a pair of jogging pants I got a couple weeks ago, and I wanted to look at a store right across from the one I bought the pants from. Dee and I browsed the first store. Can I just tell you that I felt like I was stepping back into the 80s?? I mean, I know that 80s clothes have been coming back, but to actually see it in the stores just makes me kinda laugh, and wish I had kept alot of my clothes from back then! I didn't find anything I really wanted in the store, so I just returned the pants. I realized after I left that the cashier gave me money back for the regular price, and not the sale price I got it for. Whoo hoo! So, Dee and I left for the other store across the way. Again, we walked into the 80s! Leggings/tights everywhere. Shirts that would end around my knees. Ok, maybe a bit higher than my knees, but definitely past my butt! Big belts! Ripped shirts. Oh my, it was just so surreal. I was looking around to see if there were legwarmers! lol Dee and I just kept laughing at stuff we saw. She picked up some really hideously pair of shiny gold pants, and I just dropped my jaw. What made it even funnier was when she picked up a silver pair! lol I didn't see anything that I liked, so we just left the store, and said goodbye to each other!

I went back to Mandy's house for a little bit. I tasted the strawberry sorbet, and it was so yummy! I watched my niece paint with "water" color for a few minutes. It was kinda gross. The paint was actually like a Vasoline oily thing, that she used her fingers for to paint with. Whatever happened to water and a paintbrush?? I didn't stay long, since I was rather tired from being up and about earlier than I usually am, so I took off for home!

After I got home, I threw a load of wash in the washer, put my towels hanging on the line from last week (oops) into the dryer, and then laid down for a nap! The rest of my night was spent taking care of the laundry after it was all dry, and making dinner. Tonight I tried baking salmon with coucous in the oven, and had an ear of corn and my bean salad. The salmon was pretty good! I exercised after the news, but it must have still been humid because I got tired after 7 minutes. Oh well, at least I tried! For the last few hours I've been watching Olympics and have been tutoring and chatting with phriends. I had to shut down my computer and cable modem for awhile, since we had very bad lightning and some rain. I saw a few bolts! They are very cool to watch, but a bit unnerving since I never know if they are going to hit anything. There have been several houses and buildings hit this summer by lightning, so you just never know! I know some people think I'm silly for shutting down my computer and stuff during lightning, but hey, I am taking NO chances! lol

I was just going to see if I could turn everything back on to post this, but I just saw another bright light flash outside my window. Guess it's not safe yet!! So I'll just watch more gymnastics and wait a little longer!

It's safe now, so I'm posting! :)

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Saturday Stuff

My neck is doing better than on Wednesday when I hurt it, but it's not 100% yet. I'm still doing the heat thing, and my mom gave me Icy Hot. As much as I hate the smell of that stuff, it really works! So if I'm really not doing any better than I am now by Monday, I guess I'll call the doctor. Just what I need!

I finally took pictures yesterday of new jewelry I made in the past couple weeks. Today I need to get them on my website! I'm trying to get ready for the holidays, which may sound crazy, but hey, it'll be here before we know it! If I feel motivated enough later, I might work on earrings. We'll see!

I think I'll go exercise for a bit. I've put it off the past few days with my neck, but it's not so bad today, so I'll just try it! Of course I'll quit if my neck feels strained. It's only walking, so should be fine! Have a great Saturday!

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

I Can't Bleepin' Win!!

The good news of the day is that I didn't have any headaches!! Yay!!

The bad news of the day is that I somehow injured the right side of my neck when I turned over in bed this morning while trying to wake up. I can hardly turn to the right, and I have a hard time looking down. All day I've been putting heat and ice on my neck, and I've taken a couple Tylenol Arthritis, which haven't done too much. I've taken a couple naps, too. It was just disappointing, to actually finally be headache free for one day, and then still not be able to do much because I hurt my damn neck. The first time I went to lay down with the heating pad on, I was soooo tired, and I just had tears coming down my face. I don't usually have the "woe is me" attitude, but it's just been a really tough almost 2 weeks to deal with in not feeling well, and I was just so hoping today would finally be a good day. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! I should really try to scream out loud, maybe that would actually help me feel better. lol

I'm off to bed earlier tonight. Mens gymnastics is on, but I really can't stay up to watch it since I'm sleepy! I hope I wake up feeling a bit better tomorrow, because I'd like to do something besides just sit around and tend to my dumb neck!!

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Headachy Tuesday!

I woke up this morning with a wicked headache. At least I could say it wasn't from ripping off my o2 during the night!! I think it was a Revatio/weather combination. A couple friends also told me they had bad headaches this morning, so I'm thinking mine was definitely a combo. I had to take an Excedrin Migraine at 1oam, and 2 hours later, I really wanted to take another. But, I put a heating pad on my shoulders/neck, and it seemed to help a little. I was tired most of the day, though. I went to chat this afternoon, which was preplanned for today by PHA. It was about exercise and nutrition, and many people came! I wish my chat was that busy!! lol After that, I had to babysit for a couple hours. I'm so glad the "chunk" is pretty easy to babysit. I just laugh almost the whole time he is here, since he smiles and gabs and giggles so much! He's just too cute!!

I started to feel starving later in the afternoon, as if I never ate anything today. I felt like that last Thursday afternoon/evening, too. I don't know what it is!! It's not a nice feeling. I made a steak and a bit salad for dinner tonight, and an hour later, I felt like I had eaten nothing. Grrrr!! And then I got another bad headache! Well it didn't start off too bad. Actually, after dinner and after watching the news hour, I exercised. I walked on the treadmill for 13 minutes. Yay! My chest is feeling much different than before taking the increased dose of Revatio. It feels like there is more room for my lungs to expand, if that makes any sense. I am just hoping these headaches will subside, because if they don't, I'm going to be sad not being able to take the extra Revatio.

After exercising, I chatted on the phone with one of my best friends, Erin. We talked about a bunch of things! Then I got off the phone to prepare for my nice evening of being online and watching the Olympics! And I completely forgot to tutor tonight!! Oooops!! I was too busy chatting with phriends, and dealing with the stupid headache, and eating ice cream!!

I am watching the women's gymnastics, which I love! So I am off to finish watching, and then go to bed! I hope for no more headaches tomorrow!!

Busy Monday!

Today I got a lot done. I did my 2 loads of laundry, after I got up and took a shower. I took my time going up and down the stairs, but it wasn't too bad. I also worked on a necklace, and finished that after a couple hours. I was using the tiny seed beads again, those suckers drop like nothing!! I have at least 20 of them on the kitchen floor! But the necklace turned out really pretty! I really need to take pictures of the latest stuff I've made. I've got to update my website!

I exercised after dinner tonight, walking on the treadmill for 10 minutes. I have to say that I feel different already on the Revatio. My chest feels like it can get more oxygen. I don't know, it's hard to explain, but I kinda like the feeling. I hope it keeps up!

Well I just watched the men's USA gymnastics team win bronze, so I am off to bed!! Tomorrow I babysit, so I need energy!

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Ache-Free Sunday!

I woke up this morning with no pain! This is probably because I took a Tylenol Arthritis before bed. It felt sooo nice to wake up without feeling so achy, and it lasted for the day. Thank goodness!!!

I went to church with my mom this morning. The day started out sunny, yet a bit chilly. By the time mass was over, it was raining cats and dogs outside!! Then pretty much most of the day, it was raining. So I just stayed home to do nothing much! I wanted to get my dishes and laundry done, but all I did was the dishes. I didn't feel like going up and down the stairs to get the laundry! So that will be on tomorrow's agenda.

I saw a cute guy at church today. He was sitting in the pew behind me, at the other end. I smiled at him at one point, and he did smile at me. But I didn't get a chance to say hi at the end of mass. However, he wasn't with anyone, and he wasn't wearing a ring. Two good signs! Maybe if he's there next Sunday, I'll say hi!

My sister, Lisa, IM'd me on Friday afternoon to ask if I had heard about the house she and her hubby were supposed to buy. I wasn't sure if it was her, or Brandon, who IM'd me, but she said it was her. She had taken the day off to close on the house. However, she had found out that a highway is going to built right behind the house, and since no one disclosed the info, they were allowed to walk away from the contract. How upsetting!! They really really loved the house, but it's such a relief that they found out about the highway before they signed papers! So in the meantime, they had to move into a one bedroom apartment until they can find another house they like. That will be a tight crunch, living with all their furniture, 2 dogs, and about 50 or so boxes!! I sure hope they find another house very soon!!

I guess I should get to bed. I don't have much planned for this week, other than babysitting the "little" guy on Tuesday. So hopefully I won't be feeling as crappy as I was last week!! I'd like to try exercising more, to see if the extra Revatio is helping. I also need to be making more jewelry for the upcoming holidays! Gotta be prepared!

Saturday, August 09, 2008

Achy, But Nice, Saturday

My Saturday started out a bit painfully. I woke up at 7am to take my Revatio, and I realized that once again, my legs and lower back were hurting. I went back to bed with a pillow between my legs, since that seems to help usually, but I had a hard time falling back into a good sleep. So I got up at 9am, since I told Mandy I'd call her a little after I got up to let her know for sure if I'd go to the Lewiston Art Festival. I wasn't feeling too badly, and I had finally taken a Tylenol Arthritis for my legs, so I told her I was halfway dressed to go! I finished getting ready, had breakfast, and fed the cat by the time she got here a little before 10. And we were off!

After making a stop at the ATM, we got to Lewiston and found parking. I think we decided on the perfect time to go, since it wasn't totally crowded with people. There have been some years when I've gone, and it is sooooo busy that looking at stuff is hardly possible! This year, they closed off part of the street so people could walk in the middle of it, and it was just so much better for room! Mandy and I were looking at a lot of the stained glass pieces, and the glass jewelry. This is because we are trying to get ideas for making jewelry! Mandy bought a kiln, and she wants to make pendants, which I could turn into necklaces. Part of the reason I've never been able to be a part of the art festival was because I don't make any part of the jewelry, like the beads, or the clasps, etc. I just take beads I've bought and throw them together to make something pretty, and that is more of a craft than art. However, if Mandy makes the glass pendants in her kiln, and I make the necklace out of it, THEN that becomes art!! Whoo hoo! So anyway, we looked at pendants, we looked at prices, and we have an idea of what we are up against if we participate next year. Of course, Mandy has to be able to find time to work on pendants, but there are only so many hours in the day when you are busy with two cute kiddos!!

Mandy dropped me off at my garage door, since I decided to go right to my pharmacy to pick up some prescriptions. Then I stopped at my parents' to get some fruit my mom bought. I chatted with her for a little bit about my cholesterol woes. She gave me a few pieces of fish she likes to buy at Sam's Club, and then she mentioned something about getting corn at Tops, since they were having a good sale on it. I told her I wanted to go, too! We weren't going right away, so I went home to eat lunch and try to rest for a bit. My legs were still killing me, but putting them up for a couple hours seemed to help a bit.

My mom picked me up for shopping, and I had my handy list prepared. I had gone to a website that dear Nurse Ali (a good phriend!) sent to me, and it had tons of recipes for healthy stuff to eat. I bought a lot of fruits, veggies, and just a bunch of healthy things to eat. Honestly, not much different than what I usually buy! But I'm hoping to make a dip for eating apples, a bean salad, stuff to go with fish, and whatever else I find a recipe for!

My mom helped me bring stuff into the house, I unpacked most of it and put it away, and then I went back with her to her house for dinner. I was there for awhile, and it was a yummy dinner! Afterward, a storm was a-comin', so my mom gave me some pasta salad and chicken, and watermelon, and brought me home. Just as she left, the rain started! Hopefully she didn't get too wet!

I tried taking a bath tonight a bit after I got home. It was nice, but it's done nothing for the pain in my legs. I just don't know why they've been so achy. I would assume that all the walking I've done today hasn't helped any, but my legs are always like this. They'll be fine for awhile, but then suddenly, they just really hurt for some unknown reason. This week has just been the worst it seems, but I had a lot of factors against me. So I'm really hoping for a better week! I think I will just break down and take another Tylenol before I go to bed tonight. I hate taking it, but I just don't think I could deal with waking up to pain again.

Tomorrow the only thing I have planned besides church is laundry and dishes. I keep putting both off, and if I continue to do so, I'll be wearing nothing around the house, and I'll be eating off the floor. lol It's supposed to be a rainy day anyway, so I don't really want to be out anywhere!

I have more to post, but I'm tired of typing. I'll type more tomorrow!!

Thursday, August 07, 2008

Aww, Poor Baby :(

At lunch today, my mom was telling me about when I was born. She said that she couldn't hold me or even really see me for the first 3 days of my life because she had some kind of infection. This I knew, since she had told me about it awhile ago. So I said "Well I'm assuming dad held me at least for those first 3 days." My mom just said "Why would you assume your father would have gone to the nursery and ask if he could hold his first-born daughter within those days??" I said "Now that is sad!" I was actually a bit taken aback by that, but when I think about it, it sounds like my dad. Maybe the thought of his first child having such problems already (my left lung collapsed when I was born) made him a little scared of holding me. Maybe he wanted my mom to be the first to hold me. Who the heck knows. I'd like to ask him, but I don't know if I will. I am just sad that neither of my parents held me for the first 3 days of my life. *sniff*

I'm having a so-so week. Since increasing my Revatio, I feel like crap with headaches and just being achy. But part of the achiness is due to that time of the month shit. I probably shouldn't have started the new dosage this week, but it's a bit too late now! Today I really felt very off. I went to the mall with my mom, and by the time she dropped me off at home, I was achy everywhere (my toes even ached!), my head was in a dull pain, and I felt like I hadn't eaten in weeks. I took a long nap, and felt a little better when I got up. But tonight I've just felt like I haven't eaten in weeks. Every time I eat something, I feel like I'm starving half an hour later. Damn the hormones!! I know this isn't from Revatio, since I didn't feel that way when I first started it. UGH, I just hope I feel better tomorrow!

I got my bloodwork results tonight. My nurse told me everything was pretty good. I have to go up to 4mg of coumadin now, since my PH doc told me he wants my INR between 2-3. Mine was 1.6. So I need to start the new dosage tomorrow, most likely, and go back in a week to check it again. My potassium level is fine and dandy, so I can try Yaz. Thank goodness!! I'm using way too much make-up this week when I go out to cover the huge zits that have broken out. I'm so tired of dealing with acne. It's aggravating me more than wearing the oxygen!!

My cholesterol wasn't the best of news. It went up a bit, from 213 last year to 230 this year. UGH. It's not terribly terrible, but it would be nicer if it was alot lower!! Like, 100 points lower??? My nurse told me to just keep up with my diet and to exercise when I can. I think the exercising portion of it might be a bit better, if I can ever get over this week and maybe the next with the Revatio yuckiness. I've got to work on it! I haven't been exercising like I should be. I also need to watch what I'm snacking on. My meals are pretty good, it's just stuff I'm eating in between that I'm sure isn't helping me. Hopefully I can get my cholesterol to go down a bit!!

Well I am off to bed. I am hoping for a lazy day tomorrow. Although I am trying to plan on meeting a friend at Tim Horton's for a light breakfast! And THEN I'm taking it easy!

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Changes!

I made a couple adjustments to my blog layout again. I was tired of the butterflies! I went with the theme of where I'm from. The might Niagara Falls is the backdrop for now! I browsed through hundreds of pictures on Photobucket, and it was just so interesting to see how many people have actually photographed the Falls from all over the world. I would dare to say that there are a billion pics out there of the Falls. And yet, I don't go down there that often!!! It's only 5 minutes away, and I have yet to go this summer to see the fireworks down at the Falls. I always say I want to go, and I keep forgetting!! I am going to try my best to go tomorrow night. Since the weekend might be crappy, I should just try to go tomorrow!!

My Tuesday was alright. I went for the bloodwork around 10:30, and waited almost a half an hour for the paperwork to be done. Then I had to wait about 10 minutes at the lab before they could draw me. And then the girl couldn't find my vein, which was really odd because they are always available. I figured that maybe because I had been fasting by then for over 14 hours that she couldn't find it since I needed to eat!! After it was all said and done, I stopped by the chinese place I like to go to on the way home, and got yummy shrimp lo mein and an egg roll for lunch!! And I had so much left, I had some for dinner! And heck, I still have enough for another lunch tomorrow! Good deal for only $6!!

I was supposed to go for coffee tonight with a few friends, but by the time they were going to pick me up, it was pouring and hailing outside. I did NOT feel like trying to run out to the car and to Starbucks in the rain, and not to mention, I also had a headache that wasn't completely gone. My friend asked if I had an umbrella, but I just didn't want to deal with that, my bag with the o2 tank in it, and my headache, so I just opted not to go. And of course, 15 minutes later, the weather was cleared up for the most part. My headache didn't disappear until a couple hours later, and I'm sure I would have felt crappy being in a very air-conditioned place, too, so staying home tonight was a better idea!! There is always the next time!!

Well time for bed! I am babysitting tomorrow afternoon, so I need all the zzzzzz's I can get!

Monday, August 04, 2008

Mostly Busy Weekend!

It's hard to believe that this weekend is already over. Some of it went by so quickly, and some of it was rather slow. Friday night, I went out with my sistores, Mandy and Joan, and Joan's friends, and that was quite fun! We went to a bar called The Bakery. It used to be a bakery, many moons ago. Now it is a bar/restaurant. They have phones on all the tables, and numbers above each phone. You can call the other tables with the phone, which I think is cool! Of course, I didn't try it, although I should have! We left the bar around midnight, and I got ready for bed and chatted online until 1am. I had to get to bed so I could sleep a few hours before Eve and her boyfriend, Jody, got here. They didn't get here til 5am! She called me when she was 5 minutes away, I opened the door for them, they brought all their stuff in, got the air mattress from upstairs that my mom had inflated (it deflated in the meantime), and we all went to bed!

Saturday, I hung out around here during the day, since I was rather tired from the night before, even though I had slept for 4 hours before Eve got here. I really didn't do much! Eve and Jody were out most of the day looking at apartments, and seeing Eve's son. In the evening, Eve picked me up, and we drove to her parents' house for dinner. I haven't been to their house since I was a teen in high school. I am only going to say one thing about the house.....Eve has already declared that when her parents are gone, she is bulldozing the house and selling the land. The house is THAT horrible. I really don't know how they are living there. Anyway, dinner was yummy, but we didn't stay too long. Eve's allergies go haywire with everything in the house, so she was getting stuffy and sneezy. We left, and stopped at the outlet mall so Jody could get new flip flops. I sat in the car with my godson. He was so cute (he is 7). I had put my o2 on after we left the house, and he said if he could wish something, he would wish that I would be all better, and that I would no longer have to wear that "breating stuff." I told him that was very nice of him to want to wish that! I tried to explain how the o2 was actually helping my lungs, and then he said that it would be cool if "they" could just take out my old lungs and give me new ones. Ooooh how much I wanted to tell him that that actually might happen one day, but I just didn't say it. He doesn't quite get the concept of how scary that might actually be, and I just wanted him to know that his thoughts were very sweet!

Sunday, Eve and Jody were off to the gym in the morning, and I went to church at 11am. They went to find more apartments almost all day, and I came home from church and chatted on the phone for 2 hours with my good friend, Karen. Then I once again chilled out at home! In the evening, well the late evening, Eve, Jody and I had dinner at The Melting Pot. Oh it was gooood! We had what they call, The Big Night Out, which included cheese fondue, tropical salad, meats, and chocolate fondue. Mandy and her husband had it when they went the first time, and they were beyond stuffed, but it was just the right amount for the 3 of us. I had a really nice time with them. Jody is such a nice guy, and I really think Eve found her match. They kid and joke around with each other, yet you can tell how much they really love each other, too. So I am happy for the both of them! Anyway, back to dinner! Well we ate almost everything, but committed a very big sin.....we left chocolate fondue in the pot!!!! We just couldn't eat any more of it, and it was just a crying shame!!!! LOL

Eve and Jody left this morning a little after 6am, because they were going to see yet a few more apartments (gosh I hope they found something, she moves back here in a month!), and they were going camping for the week. It was really good seeing her again, as brief as it was, but my only consolation in her leaving is that the next time she will be back, it'll be for good!!!

I started my new dose of Revatio this morning, 30mg 3x a day. So far I feel fine. But I was so bleeping tired most of the morning. I had to lay down around noon, just to try getting a little more sleep, since I had to see my PCP today. I did feel a bit better after doing that! My doctor visit was good. Dr. K asked me how long I've been coming to see her, and when she checked, she said I started coming when I was a senior in high school. My goodness!! That's been 15 years now! I really do like her as my PCP. She not only asks about how I'm feeling physically, but she also cares about what's going on in my life. And that is what I like about her the most!

I get bloodwork done in the morning, testing everything from PT/INRs, to LFTs, to cholesterol and potassium levels, so some other stuff on the script I'm not familiar with. So I am fasting tonight. Yippee! That's ok, I had a huge dinner anyway, and a snack, so I shouldn't be too starving in the morning, hopefully! So on that note, I'm off to bed!!