Daily Ponderings

The holiday is right around the corner now, and I'm all set for it! I've been set for a few weeks, actually. It's been a nice feeling, too. I haven't been stressed out this year! I'm glad, because usually when I am stressed, I tend to get sick. And then I'd be really miserable for the holidays, and I wouldn't want to do anything but lay in bed and sleep all day. So I'm sooooo happy I'm not stressed, and I'm not sick! I am making a couple pies today, and a banana bread. Let's not get too excited here...the pies are in boxes in the freezer, purchased by my mom. I am making them today so that all we have to do is reheat them for dessert tomorrow night. The banana bread will be from scratch though! My apartment will smell yummy again. I made 6 dozen cookies on Friday afternoon, and it smelled like a bakery in here. I will do it again today! We are having Christmas dinner at Mandy's house this year. I'm quite excited about it, sinc...

The holidays are fast approaching, and I feel so prepared this year. It's nice to be basically done shopping, and halfway done wrapping gifts. I don't feel stressed out this year. Well ok, I'm a little stressed out, but it's not over holiday stuff! I wish I could be so ready for Christmas like this every year, but somehow I don't think it'll happen. The heat issue with my house has been resolved, I guess. The new tenant hasn't said anything about freezing since last Wednesday, when my dad came over and played around with all the tubes and vents dealing with the heating system. We shut off a few vents in my apartment so more heat would push up the tubes into the apartment upstairs. I've also been keeping the heat high, around 69, so it'll be warmer. I also had to "let go" and not worry about the heating bill. There is nothing I can do about it, so I can't let it stress me out! One of my best friends is coming home this week from Thurs...

I am happy that my mom has found someone to move in upstairs. For the most part, he has been a good housemate so far, in the almost week he's been here. He's hardly here, first of all. And when he is here, he's pretty darn quiet. The past few days, he's been telling me he's freezing. So I turn the heat up a couple numbers. But he's still freezing. Another notch or two, and then he tells me it's much better. This morning, he knocks on my door, and tells me he's still freezing. And the heat has been on the same 67 degrees that I had the day before, when he wasn't freezing. I am frustrated, because I'm HOT. I never thought I'd say that in the winter, but it's true. I'm not sure if it's really something wrong with the heating system, or if he just wants it to feel like it does back home in Virginia. I did get a little miffed when he came down in a tshirt saying he was cold. I mean come on! Hopefully the heating issue will be fixed so...

Tonight I found out that a girl I used to talk to over the summer has passed away. I "met" her through the PHA's message boards, and chat rooms, in the middle of the summer. She was a sweet and happy person despite not feeling well all the time. She was going to be married about a month and a half after I started talking to her, and she was so excited! She was also going to be put on a new medicine to help her PH symptoms, that happened about a week before she walked down the aisle. I only knew her for a handful of months, but I truly considered her a friend, or PHriends as we PHers like to call each other. She died peacefully in her sleep last night, and as much as I am saddened by this news, to have lost another PHriend to this awful disease, I know she is now breathing peacefully forever. Rest in peace, my dear Phriend. Your strength and determination to fight this disease will never be forgotten.

Quite a bit has been going on in the past week. I'll break it down, not necessarily all in order: I have a housemate, finally. He came to see the apartment the day before Thanksgiving, and he moved in this past Thursday. He's a nice man, and is pretty much gone most of the day. My biggest discovery tonight is that I'm gonna have to start turning up the heat more. While I'm fine with the heat being on 63 for the most part, he told me tonight he was freezing. So I turned it up to 66, and I'm roasting. lol At least I can keep the heat down all day when he's not here. I'll just turn it up when I hear him come home. And hopefully I'll be home to do so. lol A friend of mine who I tutor with online was here last weekend to visit! She came with her husband, and they stayed at the new hotel casino. I got to hang out with her most of day on Saturday. We went to a quite village, had lunch and walked around to see some of the shops. The weather was insanely gorge...

Today was considered Black Friday, the day after Thanksgiving when people go out in the insane early hours of the morning to get good deals at various stores and malls. I went out last year to find a digital camera on Black Friday, although I didn't go so gosh darn early, and bought a VCR instead. This year, I had absolutely no interest. I have only 2 more gifts to buy for Christmas, and they aren't anything that I would have had to stand in line for hours to purchase. So, I slept in, and had a leisurely morning instead! What I was able to accomplish, with the help of my mom, was decorating for Christmas!! Yes, my tree is up and all pretty, and so are the Christmas-y things that I put out every year. I don't know why I'm so ready for Christmas this year. I just hope that I won't go insane before it actually arrives. That would suck. lol A friend of mine who I tutor with is here in town this weekend with her husband. I am so excited that I get to meet her in person,...

I am thankful for my family, who I love with every fiber of my being. My parents, who have been there for me alot, especially the last several years, mean so much to me. My sisters are always on my mind and definitely in my hearts, and I love them ever so much. I am thankful for all of my friends. I can't begin to imagine my life without them. They all bring such a different and unique aspect to my life, with their amazing talents and life experiences. I truly love them all. I am thankful for my health, no matter how it stands. I've been through so much in my life healthwise, and I am so grateful that I'm still here on this earth. I've been through some pretty rough times, but I always feel that it could be worse. And it could be. Despite all the tests I've been through, despite all the pain I've endured with being so out of breath, despite the illnesses I've somehow managed to get over, I always know that it could be worse. I am thankful for my home, for th...

I've been getting ready for a jewelry party I'm having here on Friday night. I'm excited about it! Everything I'm trying to sell has been made by none other than.....me!! I've been slaving so hard in my kitchen the past several weeks, making necklaces, earrings, bracelets, and tealight lamps. I'm glad that many of my friends are going to be able to see what I've been making! If you'd like to see, too, you can go to www.fromtheheartjewels.com . (By the way, I didn't try the new Blogspot format yet. Why do I have to get a Google account just to have it??)

When I just logged in now, I saw a message saying the new format is now ready. I'm afraid to try it!! I don't want anything to get ruined or messed up. lol Perhaps I'll just go for it. Wish me luck!

Yesterday morning, my family got together for breakfast at a nice local restaurant. We decided to do this the first Sunday of every month. We got there after Mandy and Ron, and we were sitting down after saying hi to each other. I then noticed the shirt my cute little niece was wearing. It said: "Big sister in training." I stared at Mandy, and said, "Are you pregnant???" And she said yes! They are having another baby!! We were all so very excited!! I felt like I was on Cloud 9 all day yesterday, too! She is due on June 8th, which is funny because Hailey's original due date was June 11th, but she decided to show up 11 days later. I'm just happy though! I am hoping for a girl, but as long as the baby is healthy, that's all that matters!!

Today was a much warmer than usual Halloween for us here in the WNY area, and it was nice! Well, mostly nice. The weather started out sunny, then the clouds came rolling in, making it so dark that I thought it was night time at 2pm. It did rain a little bit, but then it stopped, and by the time trick or treating started, it wasn't too bad. I went down to my parents' for the afternoon, with all the candy. Mandy and Hailey were already there, and I got the best "treat" when my little niece saw me. She caming running into the living room, saying my name the whole time! She was even saying the "L's," something a very little child has a hard time saying for awhile! My heart melted, and I just had the biggest rush of love for her immediately. They stayed for quite awhile, and she enjoyed seeing some of the costumes on the little kids. She was dressed as a witch, but she wouldn't wear the hat for it, since she hates hats. But still, she was very cute! ...

In my last entry, I mentioned the fact that we got snow. It's been 2 weeks since I wrote that, but I have to describe the aftermath of that snow. Here in lovely Niagara Falls, I woke up to a trace of snow on the ground. It was gone within a couple hours, and life seemed to be normal. Until I started watching the news. In the surrounding towns and villages around NF, there was up to as much as 2 feet of snow. No one had power, in fact, many people were without power for almost an entire week. It was so awful! The reason? It's still fall, and all the trees still had their leaves. With the heavy snow piling on the branches, and not melting, branches started breaking all over the place. I've seen pictures of the trees, and I've seen them personally since the storm, and it's devastating. And very sad. To see all the damage done to the beautiful trees around WNY. It'll take generations, they say, for the trees to look the way they did before the storm. How NF got s...

I was busy working on a necklace today for my friend, when I made a quick glance out the window. I looked back down at my work, and then suddenly jerked my head back up to look out the window again. There it was, flying around all over the place. Big, fluffy flakes of SNOW. Yes, I said snow. Snow, on October 12. What the heck????? I know I live in Upstate NY, but come on!! This is quite ridiculous!! Although it did not accumulate in my exact area, there are cities and small towns around me that saw several inches. There are even school closings for tomorrow. It's crazy, I tell ya!!

The weather today was so beautiful again. It makes me wish it could stay like this for the winter! But sadly, that won't happen. In a few days, we'll be lucky to see 50 degrees. Bummer. I swear, if there are any really nice days in November and the ice cream truck comes around, I will just laugh. The guy must be desparate for sales, I saw him driving around today. Geesh! North Korea scares the shit out of me. I sure hope this is their one and only nuclear test, and they don't use it for attacking purposes. Somehow, I'm very doubtful about this. My heart melted yesterday when my sweet little niece reached up for my hand as we were walking back to the car, instead of her daddy's hand. heehee I'm tired of getting messages to my personal ad on Yahoo from men in their mid to late 40s. That's too close to my parents' ages, ewww. I'm making dinner, and I don't really feel like eating. I feel like going back to sleep again. *sigh* I have seen sever...

This weekend was a Kite Festival here in the Falls. It actually took place at a park known to residents here as the Reservoir. I went to see the kites today with Mandy, Ron and Hailey. It was just sooooo cool! And it was absolutely the perfect weekend for it, with warm temperatures and a nice breeze. It was alot of fun, and I'm hoping funding troubles won't be a problem for this next year. There were people from all over the world flying kites, including a man from Japan who had a Mega Moon kite. This kite is one of three in the world, the largest kites ever made. We heard a guy telling someone that yesterday, the Mega Moon was tied to a dump truck full of bricks, that the truck still moved a little when the Mega Moon was in the air!! Unbelievable! Anyway, I took pictures. They aren't the best, but the kites are just so neat! Enjoy! The Mega Moon is the big squarish-looking kite! The fish one was one of my favorites! All types of kites! This one looked like a huge puffer fi...

My mom told me several days ago that the man who realized something wasn't quite right with me when I was a baby had passed away. His name was Dr. Gillick. While I of course don't know him at all, or wouldn't even recognize him, I thank God that our paths crossed those many years ago. If it were not for him, my condition may not have been discovered until quite some time later, and who knows what that would have led to. I guess when my mom took me to my first set of shots when I was baby, at a free clinic, Dr. Gillick heard something off with my heart. So my mom took me to my regular pediatrician at the time, and he said there was nothing wrong. At my second set of shots, at the same free clinic, Dr. Gillick once again said there is definitely something wrong. So my mom took me to a different pediatrician, who immediately told my parents to take me up to Children's Hospital in Buffalo to see a cardiologist there. My parents arrived in the busy waiting room full of peopl...

Ever since I had to quit my job over 6 years ago, I have gone through many periods of time when I feel so guilty about the fact that I don't work. So many have told me that's a crazy notion, but I can't help feel sometimes that I should be doing more during my days at home. I know I'm home because of my health, having PH hasn't always been very easy. And there are the days when I'm so thankful that I don't work, because I don't feel well, and I don't know how I could get through a workday. I go back and forth with these feelings, and sometimes it just gets me down. And then there are days like today. I got a call from a man named Mike, who told me that his mother may possibly have PH, and he wanted to know more about my support group. He found my number on the PH website, and decided to give me a call. I spent about half an hour talking with him about PH, what it is, how I was diagnosed, my support group, and so on. I gave him the number of the PH sp...

I just lost an entire post that I did a few minutes ago. I'm not in the mood to write it again, darn it all!!

I have mixed feelings about the fall season. I half like it, I half hate it. The only reason I hate it is because the temperatures start to drop more and more. While almost everyone around me loves this feeling, I have a hard time with it because of my lungs. I get really short of breath while trying to do anything, and I almost feel like I've never been on medicine or oxygen. It actually gets me down, but I try to just deal with my days. Once it starts staying cold for awhile--right now it's in that back and forth, nice day, cool day phase--my lungs can deal with it better, and I'm not so bad. Still, it just drives me nuts! What I do love about fall are the colors. The leaves changing to reds, oranges and yellows are so beautiful. Especially the red leaves. I'm a red person, can't help it! I also love seeing the squirrels running around the yards with huge things in their mouths, scurrying away to bury their treasure for the winter. I laugh at some of the items th...

Do NOT ever use wallpaper of any sort, whether it be actual wallpaper, or wallpaper border. It is a pain in the ass to get off!!! I say this because I took 2 days removing the wallpaper border I had in my bedroom. I am planning on painting my room a different color soon, and had to get rid of the border. The whole time I was taking it down, I kept asking myself what on earth possessed me to put it up in the first place??? I will never do it again!! lol

Ok, this dream made me think, what the hell did I have to eat/drink before going to bed last night?? I had a dream that I got a ticket to see Michael Jackson in concert at HSBC Arena. I was all excited! Yes, I am not afraid to admit that I do love MJ's music, and I always will. (That was not part of the dream, I was just stating a fact) Anywho, I get there, and I had seats that were kinda far from the stage, which was in the center of the arena instead of the one end. By the time the concert started, there were only like 50 people randomly sitting around the arena. I wondered, where the heck was everyone? But there was MJ, on stage playing the piano and singing. Playing the piano? Does he even play? So during the song, ushers are starting to tell us we can all get as close as we want, since no one else was coming. So we ended up having a private jam session with MJ. And it was fun! And somehow Janet was there all of a sudden, and I was talking to her about PH. I also realize...

Well geesh, I didn't realize how much time had gone by since I last posted. Here are some random things that have happened in this past month. I finally finished my jewelry website, and I've spread the word to alot of friends and family! And then the word got spread by them, which is nice. No orders yet, but I have a feeling I'll be bombarded for Christmas! Which can be a good thing! The site is: www.fromtheheartjewels.com . For anyone interested. :) My Medicare nightmare took almost the entire month to get fixed. After making numerous phone calls, and stressing out completely, I found out a week ago this past Friday that my insurance reflected the fact that I'm poor and shouldn't be paying very high copays for my drugs. While I'm glad they said it's fixed, I really don't believe it's going to stay that way. We'll see what happens in a couple months! The planet, Pluto, is no longer considered a planet. What the heck?? Poor Pluto. So what if ...

Oooooooooooooh, the agony!

I've been back since late Sunday night, but just haven't felt like posting yet. My week in the South was nice, but I have to admit to being glad to be back home. As much as my sister wants us to move down there, it's just not home to me. A nice place to visit, but not home! I much prefer WNY, with the 4 seasons, even though winter isn't one of my favorites. I can't imagine living with no snow! Anyway, the week was busy, and a little chaotic. I felt like I needed a vacation from my vacation by the time we got back. Lisa's wedding was beautiful, though, and we all had a great time! Despite sweating in our dresses, I think we looked great! I got to see the ocean while I was down there. Even just being there for an hour made me so happy! The Southern food was really good, everything is fried, just about! The variety of foods I ate included chicken & dumplings, fried okra, fried green tomatoes, shrimp and grits (my personal fav), chicken under a brick, an avocad...

Well, not really. lol I'm leaving for NC on Sat. We are driving down there, about a 12 hour trip that will probably take longer since we are stopping for pee breaks and such. It's the longest vacation I've been on in years, we'll be gone for 9 days! Usually my "trips" have consisted of overnight stays in Cleveland when I have to go for check-up appointments. Trust me, those are not good times. lol I only hope I don't melt in NC. It's been hot down there, my sis said yesterday it was 99. Ewwww. And with a lung problem, just thinking about that heat makes me get out of breath. lol So, I'm hoping that I won't have a major issue down there, but I'll try to make the best out of it! I just want to have a fun time, and I hope everything goes well with the wedding. So, til next time!

Every day, I visit the PHA's website to read the message boards. The people I have gotten to know through the daily posts almost feel like a second family to me. In all likelihood, I will never meet these people, but I feel like I've known some of them forever. We all share an illness, we all share the ups and downs that come with it, and we all pray for each other. It is a wonderful community. Today when I visited the boards, I was very saddened to read about a woman named Rhonda, who had died suddenly last night. She had been in the hospital with problems with her Flolan, and they had switched her to Remodulin. She was getting stronger the last time her husband posted, so it was a shock to see that he had posted a message last night saying she passed away. My heart is heavy with sadness, since I have chatted with her in chat room sessions, and she seemed like a wonderful person. She had gone through many ups and downs with this disease, but she always came through fighting. ...

Someone's getting more use out of the treadmill than I am!!!

Tomorrow is the 4th of July, but since it fell on a Tuesday this year, many people have had a very long weekend. So it seems like it's been the 4th all weekend! lol I watched fireworks from the casino tonight from the apartment upstairs. It was nice to see them from up there, and not have to go down to the chaos and face crowds of people. I also got a double feature: the Canadian fireworks began about 15 minutes after ours, and I got to see both! It was nice, I just love the fireworks, I have since I was a little kid! I don't really have anything planned for tomorrow. Usually, for the past few years, my family has gone to Beaver Island with Mandy's in-laws. But this year, since they are having a big family reunion some time this month, they didn't make plans to go. So I think it's going to be another regular day for me, really. I'll probably just have dinner with my parents, at least I hope that I will. lol This July 4th, I will think of all the troops fighting ...

Hailey's birthday party was yesterday afternoon. Her cake was awesome! I couldn't get over how incredibly cute it was. The little duck is the one she got to play with, and boy did she destroy it! It was all over her hands, her face, and she even got it on her mommy. lol It was fun watching her!

This time last year, I was in a hospital waiting for the birth of a beautiful little baby girl, my niece. She took her sweet old time to arrive, not showing up until around 6:30pm. I just can't believe that a year has gone by, though. She has grown so much, and she's now showing a little personality. She's even started temper tantrums. lol I never knew I could love someone as much as I love this little girl! So Happy Birthday to my little Hailey! May you continue to grow into a wonderful little person, and continue to bring joy to our hearts!

My weekend was pretty nice, albeit tiring. I went out for drinks with Dee on Friday night, and didn't get home until 2am. And I had to be up to be ready for shopping by 9:30am the next morning with Mandy and my mom. I seriously thought that I would cancel, since I was so tired from the night before, but somehow I managed. It was a long morning and afternoon, but it was fun. I got home in time to rest a bit before going to The Tragically Hip concert. That was an interesting time. The band was good, although they played alot of songs that were new. Some were good, some were not. Besides that, we had our seats on the lawn, and I think I ended up "smoking" 14 packs of cigarettes and doing about 10 joints. It was just disgusting, and I think I will think twice about going to a concert again with seating on the lawn. Not to mention that the smell was about 10x worse since I wore my oxygen the whole time. UGH. Today, I slept in until 11am. I haven't done that in forever, but...

I've been busy doing little things here and there for the past several days. Sometimes I just think that I am too lazy to write in my journal. Well, I am, but there are many times I just forget! I've been trying to work on my jewelry website. I finally got alot of pictures up, thanks to what my sister took, and thanks to my friend giving me her digital camera. The process of putting them up takes forever, though! I think it's a combination of my computer being connected to the internet via phone (boohoo!), and the website just working ever so slowly! I get so frustrated with it sometimes, that I just end up working on it a little bit at a time. But the last major step is figuring out how to allow people to order. I can either just have them send me an email with specific information that I list on the site, or I can try to do an order form type thing that I need to play around with. Another question is payment. I don't think I want to get into credit cards, but I gu...

I've been a miserable chicky the past several days. My allergies are driving me nuts. And sadly, I have come to admit that I do actually have allergies. I grew up without them, always feeling bad for my sisters and my dad when spring and summer came around because I knew they were feeling horrible. In the past few years, I've developed allergies to something in the air. To what exactly, I'm not sure, but it's definitely not a cold. The sad thing is, I can't take much to help relieve the symptoms. I'm not allowed to take a decongestant, and that just makes me want to cry! I emailed my PH specialist tonight, to ask if there is anything I can try to take. I have just felt so very tired and sniffly, and itchy the past few days. There has to be something out there I can take!! I went to a town called Lewiston yesterday with my good friend, Renee. It's only about 15 minutes from the Falls. We browsed some of the shops, and enjoyed some yummy slushies outside a c...

It's hot. Now I've never usually been the one to complain about heat. I live for it, since I'm always so gosh darn cold, even when wearing layers to keep warm! But yesterday was outright unbearable, and I think it was mostly because I was celebrating Memorial Day at a house that didn't have the A/C on, or any sort of fan going. Being outside actually felt better than being inside. Plus, there was a pool set up for the kids, so I walked around in it a couple times. It felt rather refreshing, and made me contemplate getting one for myself. lol Today is just as hot, but for some reason, I'm doing much better. Maybe it's because there is more circulation of air in here, and I have a couple fans blowing. It's 84 in the house, but I'm comfy. Now does that make sense?? For most people, no. But for me, yes! lol I'm going out for dinner tonight with a lady I used to work with at Niagara University . I call her Mom #2. She calls me Daughter #2. Even after ...

I had a great day today! I went over to Mandy's house for the afternoon, and my heart sang as soon as I walked in the door and saw my beautiful niece! Of course, I loved seeing Mandy, too! :) We spent the time hanging out in the sun, playing inside, and watching a Baby Einstein video. I also got my first experience of hearing Hailey just completely laugh. There is nothing in this world that sings to my soul more than hearing a child laugh, and when it is a baby, oooooh I just LOVE it! I was making one of her stuffed animals peek around the corner, and then I said "BOO!" and it just made her bust out laughing! It was soooo adorable! I realize more and more how much I just love that little baby. :) I am sooooooooooooo very very happy with America's choice for the next American Idol!! Taylor Hicks is just one entertaining person, and he deserved to win it this year. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!! I have to say, I had such a hard time voting for him last night! The phone li...

I went to Kohl's today with my mom, to browse around and see if we could find anything good. Well, I ended up buying two sweaters off the clearance rack for next winter. I was sooooo excited when I was in the checkout to find what the final cost of each of them were! They were: $1.26 each. $1.26. Whoooooooo hoooooooo!!!! I was so happy that I made my mom and the cashier lady laugh! Hey, can't beat a good bargain like that!!! Another bargain deal for me came tonight when I finally looked through a box of clothes given to me by my friend's hubby's cousin. She was a skinny minnie like me for a while, but apparently she's put on a little weight. So as I was sifting through the clothes, I came across several pairs of shorts!!! I had just been looking for new shorts yesterday while shopping, and even today. I didn't want to spend a ton of money, so I didn't get anything. And now have five "new" pairs of shorts, so I don't need to spend any ...

First of all, Happy Mother's Day to all you moms and grandmas out there! I wish the very best to you, and I hope you had a wonderful day! I'd like to take this time to write a little something to my mom. I know she doesn't read my blog, but I wanted to write it anyway. :) Dear Mom, Thank you. Thank you for all the things you've done for me in my 3o years of life so far. Thank you for being there for me at all my doctor's appointments since I've been a baby. There have been a gazillion of them, I'm sure! And to know that you still want to go to my appointments even now means so much to me. I know I have lived with PH for all this time, but it still scares me sometimes. Not knowing what test results will reveal when I go to my doctors sometimes really gets me nervous, but knowing that you are there no matter what gives me some relief. I thank you for that. Thank you for all the support you've given me in the past several years, since I had to quit my j...

I have gotten so much done today, and I'm feeling damn proud of myself. Granted, it's not everything I had on my list of things to do, but I have to realize that I can't always accomplish everything on my list. I've done alot of physical things, however, and although I'm a little tired right now, there have been times when I'd be passed out by now if I had done what I've done! I guess I'm having a good day because the weather is nicer, and it's not so cold. Cold seems to effect how I feel, and how I'm able to do things. But I've done 2 loads of laundry, hung them up outside, changed the bedding, and vacuumed 2 rooms. I admit, the vacuuming is something I really should have passed on. It made me so tired, and that's why I'm taking a nap in a few minutes. But it soooooo needed to be done. The living room looked like the cat blew up, there was so much fur on the rug. I know, gross, but what can I say? I'm technically not supposed t...

My weekend was nice. I went to the movies Saturday night with Mo and Dee. It was nice to see Mo, and I gave her a long hug when she got to the theater. She seemed to be upbeat, although I am most definitely sure she is still going through an emotional rollercoaster. It'll take time to heal, but she'll be ok. We saw Akeelah the Bee, and it was a very good movie! We laughed at some of the words the kids had to spell. I said near the end that I felt very dumb watching it. Mo said she was sure half the audience felt that way! lol Afterward we went to Perkins for something to eat, and just chatted. The only reference Mo made to anything regarding her called-off wedding was that she wears her wedding ring sometimes, just not on her left finger. I didn't see it on that night, but it kind of made me sad. I don't know how I could wear it if that happened to me. I'd have to leave it in a box somewhere for a long time before I could think of having it on. But, that...

This week seemed to have gone by alot quicker than last week. Last week just dragged. I kept busy with things, but it just seemed like time was going by slower than molasses. Now suddenly, before I knew it, a whole other week has passed! I'm feeling better than last week, emotionally. I'm not worrying about things too much. I wouldn't say I'm at peace, but I feel calmer on the inside. I'm glad for that, because for a couple days, I really thought I was going to have a breakdown physically. I can't get myself stressed out like I did, it's definitely not good for my health! I've started working on a website for my jewelry. I finally decided that I had to just start it, and then maybe my sister will just put the pictures of my stuff on for me. It's coming along, and I like it so far! Right now, I'm just showing examples of what I make. If someone wants to order something, I will have instructions on how to do so. Since I only make one of something...

The past several days, I haven't felt like myself. While I do laugh and joke with my family and friends, either in person or on the phone, a couple things have been bothering me lately. My father is one of them, because of his non-chalant attitude about his prostate cancer that I can't understand. I'm trying to just "let go" of my worries about it, since there isn't much that I can do but pray that he actually does do something about it after July (he won't do anything until after my sister's wedding, July 29th). I think the stress of the whole situation is really getting to me, and I just can't let that happen. My health will start to deteriorate if I constantly worry about him right now. Another sort of sadness started on Sunday night. I was supposed to be going to a good friend's wedding this coming Saturday. My friends, my sisters, and I have been looking forward to it for months. Not to mention my friend, who just last Thursday was telling...

My parents and I were out on the Boulevard today, picking up bridesmaid dresses, getting my dad's outfit for Lisa's wedding, and eating at Outback (boy was that tasty!). On the way home, we stopped at Mandy's house to drop off her dress, and her in-laws were visiting. We went upstairs to see Hailey and Mandy, and Ron's mom. Hailey was on the floor with Beverly (Ron's mom), and my mom and I said hi to her. When I said "Hi Hailey," she turned around to look at me, gave me this huge smile, and immediately left Beverly to crawl over to me! I just thought that was the cutest thing! She did that the other day when I stopped by to drop something off. She was in the middle of the backyard on a blanket, and when she saw me, she started smiling and crawling toward me. I guess she must really love her Aunt Colleen! :-D

I was quite busy yesterday, that I guess I totally forgot about the date. I usually pay attention to anniversaries, even when they aren't nice ones. Well, April 19th is a date that means alot for several reasons. First of all, it's been 11 years since the Oklahoma City bombing. The only connection I have to that is that Timothy McVeigh used to live about 25 minutes from where I live. April 19th was also the day my Dad got into a bad accident at work, 11 years ago. He is still having complications from it, even after having 2 knee surgeries. Now his doctor is suggesting knee replacement surgery. It seems to never end for him. April 19th is also the day that I had to quit my preschool job, 6 years ago. It sometimes seems like yesterday when that happened, but I realize how much it had to happen. I wouldn't be here today if I had chose to ignore my doctor and kept on working. I'm much better health-wise than I was back then! Money-wise, well that's a different story...

It seems like nothing much has been going on since I last wrote, but really, there has. Maybe it just hasn't been too thrilling to write about. lol Last week I started taking L-arginine. My PH specialist suggested I take it if I wanted to go a more natural route, or I could try Viagra. Yes, I said Viagra! See, I had asked him about adding something to what I've been taking, to give me a little more oompf. I have been doing well on my lung medicine, but there have been times where I've felt I needed just a little something more to give me extra energy. Hence, the Viagra suggestion, or L-arginine. And with everything I've read online so far, L-arginine works in just about the same way Viagra would work. It opens up the blood vessels more, so that more blood can flow through, especially to areas that would need it most. In my case, that would be my lungs. Interestingly enough, when Viagra was first created, it was intended for heart patients. During studies, they discover...

In the past couple weeks, I've felt the money pinch. Well, I always feel the pinch, but some months aren't as bad as others. It's months like this one, where I have to pay an extra bill (water bill, and for one person who doesn't use that much water, it's really high!), plan for a friend's birthday, pay for my car's inspection, and a few unexpected needs along the way that make me stress out completely. And this month isn't as bad as May is going to be! I really hate May, there is toooo much going on in this month that causes me to want to choke financially. I guess the lack of funds makes me feel like I'm destitute. That's not the case. I can pay my bills every month, which is a blessing. I just hardly ever have enough money for myself, to get something I really want. And when I do have money for something, I feel torn about really getting something. For example, I bought 2 bottles of nailpolish today, they weren't even a dollar. Yet...

Well, we drove to Cleveland on Monday morning, despite the fact that I was still feeling sick. I made it through most of my appointments, until the end. I did my 6-minute walk (a regular test for PH patients), and when I was finished, I was so cold that I started shaking uncontrollably when I got back to my parents in the waiting area. After 10 minutes of that, my mom finally went to tell someone. They got me in to see my specialist right away, and he wrote me a script for an antibiotic. I did get to ask him about adding something to my medicines to help me with my PH symptoms, but we didn't really get to talk about much in length. I decided to cancel the appointments I had the next morning, and we left for home Monday night. So the entire trip was kind of a bust, and I wish that I had just cancelled everything. The only ironic thing about the trip was that on my walk, I went 200 meters farther than I did the last time! Go figure! lol Off to bed I go, again!

I am supposed to be leaving in the morning for another round of appointments at the Cleveland Clinic . I've actually been looking forward to it, since I want to ask my PH specialist several things. However, I woke up this morning sick. Yes, that's right, sick!! After spending an entire winter avoiding and narrowly missing colds, I now have one! This really blows! I don't want to cancel my appointments, though. Right now, what I'm feeling is post nasal drip, a slight cough, and I had a small fever earlier (my mom said it wasn't high enough to be a fever, but I had chills, and my forehead was hot!). I've been taking that Mucinex stuff, and some Tylenol for pain. So I guess we'll see how I am tomorrow. I really hate that I am sick now!! But maybe that means I won't get sick again until the fall?? I sure hope so!

My good friend, Monique, is getting married exactly 4 weeks from today! She had a big huge bridal shower a month ago with about 100 women, but today, there were 14 of us. She didn't know where, she didn't know who was going to be there. It was at a cute little place, called The White Linen Tea House. There were many rooms where groups of people (ok, women really, what guy would go for tea?? lol) could sit and have tea and sandwiches, and a variety of desserts. I had never been to a place like this before, and I found it rather nice! It was relaxing, the food was good, and I have fallen in love with scones! I've never had them before! They also had a lot of tea choices to pick, and you get your own pot of hot water to brew whatever you've chosen. I picked vanilla, very tasty! So we all ate, laughed, and enjoyed each other's company! It was a very fun afternoon with my friends!

Today is another gorgeous day! This is a day I like to call a teaser day. Teaser days occur in the spring and the fall. They are days that are nice and warm, most of the time sunny, sometimes not. They come once in a while, sometimes in pairs, and if we're in luck, they might come three days in a row! They are days that say, "It's spring, it's nice, but not all spring days are nice like this!" And then the next day, the temperature is much cooler, and we need to break out the sweaters again. Well, most of us have to anyway! The same thing happens in the fall. No matter which season it is, we always long for more teaser days!! I have a couple of windows open, one on each side of the house. I opened the bathroom window, which enticed the cat to sit there for a few hours! He misses the windows being open just as much as I do! I also opened a kitchen window, which inspired me to clean! The dishes are done, and I took apart the burners on top of the stove and clea...

It's gorgeous out today! I thought yesterday was so nice, but today has been even better. The wonderfully warm sunshine has felt so good, and made me happy! I exercised this morning, and then made a quick decision to go visit my dad since it was almost his lunch time. I brought him some banana chocolate chip cake that I made the other morning, so he had that with lunch, too! We sat outside the pipe shop in the sun, and chatted while he ate. It was rather nice! Too bad he only had half an hour! Afterward, I went to my mom's house. We chatted, and had lunch. It was nice! Then I decided to go back home and try cleaning up some crap on my lawn. Having a house on the corner isn't always fun. It sort of becomes a dumping ground, with newspapers, bottles, cigarette packs, and a variety of other things left throughout the year! I walked around with a garbage bag, picking up various items on the lawn and hiding in the bushes. Bending over constantly is not a good thing for me, so ...

Due to the fact that I keep getting unsolicited comments about loans in my journal (which I keep deleting!!), I guess I'm going to have to put controls on the comments I get. I'll have to proof them first. Not that I get all that many, but still, what a pain!! I hate it when people try to advertise, though! Hopefully it'll stop!

Today is a stark contrast to the day 12 years ago when I learned that my Grandpa passed away. It was a beautiful sunny day, much warmer than it is today. My Grandpa had been in the hospital for almost a month, fighting every moment of being there. He constantly pulled out his IVs, or tried to, until they finally put them down near his ankle. He always wanted to go home. Little did he know that if he ever left the hospital, he wasn't going back to the home he loved. My parents had been trying to find the right nursing home for him, which my grandpa would have absolutely hated. In a way, I think it was a blessing that he passed away in the hospital, for he would have been miserable if he couldn't go back to his home. In the 12 years since my Grandpa has gone home to God, I've gone through alot of emotions. The first few years were hard for me. I cried every year on the anniversary of his death, because it still seemed like it just happened. Over the years, it's gotten bet...

Well, after my morning rant, I feel better than I did when I woke up. That's because I slept most of the day. After I got up from my second nap, I didn't feel so fatigued as I did from my first nap and when I woke up this morning. So hopefully, I'll be doing better tomorrow, too! I changed my answering machine message today, also. It now sounds like this: You have reached (phone number). Please leave a message at the beep. If you are looking for Darlene or Dana Destino, they no longer use this number, and I have no idea who they are. Thanks. I don't know if this will help me out at all, but I figured, what the heck?? It can't hurt! Not many people use my house number anyway. Except the people looking for the Destinos. lol

I'm in a pissy, foul mood this morning. I lost an hour of sleep because my house phone rang at 4:40 this morning. The phone is in my bedroom, which I really must reconsider. I let the machine pick it up, and I listened to some woman asking Darlene if she wanted to work the morning shift at S2 today, and to call her as soon as she could. The first thought that came across me after the woman hung up was, "What the fuck??" Darlene Destino is really beginning to piss me off. She gets rid of her phone number, and since I got it in June, I've gotten calls from obviously good friends, her doctor's office, the WIC program, her pharmacy, her child's school, and her work. Why on earth wouldn't you give your new number to these places??? Wouldn't you consider them important?? I am waiting for the new phone books to come out next month. If Darlene's phone number is still listed as mine, I'm calling the phone company and asking for a new number. This is jus...

Last week I received an email from Euan, and then I talked to him online later that evening. He had written to tell me that he was feeling a bit better lately, but that his grandmother's death made him evaluate his own life and where he's at right now. He told me that he sees all his friends and family members getting married, having children, owning a house, living a normal life. And he feels like he's being left behind. He wonders if he'll ever find that special someone to spend the rest of his life with, if he'll be a father, if he'll be able to make enough money to buy a house of his own. Then he asked me how I feel knowing I'll never live a normal kind of life like everyone else I know. Since we both are in situations where our health is a huge influence in what happens with our lives, he wanted to know how I deal with the fact that I may never have what I've always wanted in life. The first thing I asked Euan when I wrote him back was "What is...

Welcome Spring!! It officially arrives at 6pm today, at least that's what I heard someone say on the radio. Whatever the case, the calendar has officially ended the winter. I wish Mother Nature worked that way, though. Too bad the weather doesn't automatically switch to what it says on the calendar! Today's temperatures don't sound spring-ish at all, and it won't feel that way for most of the week! Oh well, I guess what I should be thankful for is that another winter has gone by, leading to hopefully another great summer weather-wise! Yes, I like the heat!! Spring seems to bring with it so many promises and newness. I love seeing things start coming back to life after a long nap in the cold. I saw my first robin on the golf course the other day, and I was elated! I was always excited to see robins when I was little, because I knew that meant spring was coming. Another sign of spring that I truly love are the tulips. The are my absolute favorite flower! I have...